Losing Him (Mitchell Family #8)(14)
“I blamed you, but I was the biggest part of that night going down the way it did.”
She sort of laughed and shook her head. “Well, for the first time Ty was single. I would have jumped on that too. My temper was what landed him in that hospital. I was jealous.”
We both smiled. “He’s an ass!”
“Yeah, he certainly is. Nothing has changed either. He still gets on my nerves daily. Although, I couldn’t have gotten through the past year without him. You probably don’t know this, but he knew about the cancer before anyone else. He actually flew to Kentucky to take me to the doctors when Colt was away. He held my hand and was the best friend to me.”
I must have looked shocked, because she kept going, like she wanted to explain.
“We’re best friends; nothing more. He’s my family now and I love him dearly, but there’s nothing going on with us besides that. He’s different now and devoted to his family. Miranda keeps him in check and to be honest, without hurting your feelings, he’s never been in love like he is with her. The way he looks at her and protects her is intense. His kids are the same. You saw firsthand what he went through to protect Bella. Now they have the twins and as crazy as they are, they make him proud. He’s happy.”
If she could say that without getting offended than I could certainly hear it and be alright. “I’m glad he finally was able to find happiness.” Sensing that I needed to change the subject, I turned and finally looked at my mother’s face. I was shocked that I’d done it, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. “Oh God.”
“Take a couple deep breaths.” She stood there with me as I looked at my mother. The mortician had done a great job, making her look beautiful. I was glad he knew her personally. “Breathe, Heather.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, while staring at my mother’s closed eyes. “She looks peaceful.”
“She does.” Van stood close to me, looking at my mother, while supporting me from freaking out.
“Thank you for being here, Van. You talk about not having friends, but it seems that we’ve switched places. I’m the one who has no friends and your life is full of them. My mother probably wishes that I was like you. I feel like I’ve failed her.”
“My mom said she talked about you and Jacob all the time. You’re her daughter, Heather. Of course she was proud of you.” Van was trying to make me feel better. It made me feel uneasy, considering it was coming from someone that should despise me. If I were her, I would have.
“Thank you. Not just for saying such nice things to me, but for being here. I don’t know how I could have gotten through today without the support.”
She smiled. “Like I said before, your kind words helped me when I had no idea what was happening. I think I’m just doing you the same favor.”
I looked at my mother, finally taking in her beauty. She’d been through so much and it had aged her, but she was still stunning for her age. With Van still standing at my side, I reached over and touched my mother’s cold hands. It was just another reminder that she was gone. Around the casket were items that people had put inside. Cards, letters and even jewelry was tucked into the sides. I appreciated how much she was loved by her community. I envied her ability to find the good in people and put up with my antics. She died too young.
Van didn’t stand up there with me the whole time. She said her goodbyes and left me to stand there with my mother. At first, I didn’t think I wanted to say anything out loud. Standing there and being close to her was enough. When I knew that it was almost time for the casket to be closed, I knew it was then or never. This was the last time I was ever going to be able to touch my mother. Death was a vicious thing, taking our hearts with it as our loved ones passed away. I’m sure if anyone was listening they wouldn’t have been able to make out what I was saying, because my sobbing was out of control. It didn’t stop me though. “Mom, there’s so much that I want to say to you. I guess I should have said it all while you were still here with us. You can add it to the list of reasons that made me such a handful. I’m so sorry for disappointing you, over and over. I never meant to make your life so hard. If I’d known that our time was limited, maybe I could have done things differently; maybe it would have made me want to make you proud. Instead, I ran around, causing trouble for people who didn’t deserve it. I was selfish and didn’t consider that my actions would result the way they did. I hope that you can forgive me, Mom. I need to know you forgive me. I promise that I’m going to be the best mother I can be. Jacob will be my first priority. I’ll make you proud, even if I have to die trying. I love you more than I can even put into words. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for being my mom. Rest now. You’re not in pain anymore. Goodbye, Mom.” I leaned down and kissed my mother’s cold cheek, keeping my lips on her skin for a brief moment. When I lifted my head, I saw my tears causing her face makeup to run.
Hands were on my shoulders and I turned around and buried myself in Jessie’s chest. I wasn’t sure how long he’d been standing there, but I knew it was him who was holding me. “I can’t believe she’s really gone,” I cried.
“Shh, you need to calm down. I know it’s hard, but with time, it will get easier. I promise, babe. The funeral director needs to close things up here, so they can transport your mom’s body to the church. Are you ready to leave, or do you want some more time alone with her? I can take Jacob outside again and wait for you.”