Losing Him (Mitchell Family #8)(10)

I was relieved. “Shew!”

He climbed out and walked up to me again. “You’re beautiful.”

I could feel my skin getting red. Sure, there were times where I thought I was attractive, but when he said it, it meant so much more. “Are you going to tell me what brought this on?”

He pulled away. “Can we just not talk about us today?”

I felt him pulling away and became anxious. I needed him to stay like he was. His support was going to get me through the day. I couldn’t make him upset with me. My hand reached out and grabbed his. “You’re right. We don’t have to talk about it.”

He smiled before grabbing a towel and walking out of the bathroom.

The next hour was spent getting myself ready. I wanted to look my best, considering the element of what was happening. I wanted to be beautiful for my mother and her memory. These people that knew about my past, her co-workers and church friends, they’d all be wondering about me. I had to be strong on the outside, no matter how weak I was on the inside. I couldn’t let their whispers get to me, not while I was burying my beloved mother.

Jacob looked cute in his little dress pants and tie. He was holding his father’s hand as we walked to the car. When he climbed in and got buckled, I turned around to check on him. “You okay, buddy?”

“Are they gonna put Nana in the ground now?”

“First we have a viewing, where people come and say goodbye to her.”

He got excited. “She’ll be there? I can talk to her?”

Jessie reached over and grabbed my hand. He looked in the rearview mirror. “Buddy, Nana’s body is still here with us, but her spirit has already gone to heaven.”

“Is she empty?”

How do you explain this to a child? “How about we just show you when we get there?” I didn’t have the energy to explain it all.

Things were different since our shower encounter. Jessie drove, but kept quiet. He didn’t offer his hand, but didn’t pull away when I attempted to hold his. I couldn’t worry about him regretting what happened. I had a big day to get through.

We arrived at the funeral home an hour early. Jacob jumped out of the car like we were going to an amusement park. Jessie grabbed his hand and calmed him down before we went inside.

The director creeped me out. He was extremely tall and reminded me of Lurch from the Addams Family. Since I’d never met him in person, I was taken back by his height. Jacob looked up and stared at him like he was a freak show. I put my body in front of his. “Is everything in order for my mother’s viewing?”

“Yes. The flowers have been set up around the casket. About ten minutes before the start of the viewing, I’ll open the casket. You’re free to go inside now, if you’d like.”

Three days ago my mother died at the hospital. Since she’s made her own arrangements, she was transported to the mortician here at the funeral home. I hadn’t yet seen her and I was petrified of it. “Okay, thank you.”

Jessie grabbed my hand and walked with me toward the double doors. I reached out and opened the door, immediately feeling as if I were going to pass out. The dizziness got worse when I looked up and saw the casket surrounded by flowers.

Jessie squeezed my hand. I looked up at him and started crying. He pulled me into his arms. “Mom, don’t cry.”

I looked down at Jacob. “I’m just sad.”

“Where’s Nana? Can I see her body now?”

Jessie let go of my hand and squatted down to be the same height as our son. “Buddy, you know how people get sad when someone dies?”

“Yeah, like Mommy is right now?”

“Exactly. You see, some people want to have the opportunity to say goodbye, even after the person has gone to Heaven. So special people take the body and they make the person look how they did before they died. Then their friends and loved ones can come and say their last goodbyes. Do you understand?”

“Her body is dead?”

“Nana is in Heaven. Only her old body is here. She’s not in it anymore.” Jessie was so patient with him.

“Then why should we talk to it? She can’t hear us anymore.” He was so confused.

He was being logical. “Sweetie, Nana can still hear us in heaven. Some people just like to say goodbye to her body. Do you understand?”

“Nope. How long do we have to stay here?”

Jessie and I stood up, looking at each other with concern over our son. He wasn’t going to be good. I could just see it coming.

As much as I would have liked the courage to walk up to the front, I waited until the manager came back in to open the casket. Even then I couldn’t make myself look. Of course, Jacob was curious. He wanted to see his Nana’s body.

I think Jessie could see the fear in my eyes. He grabbed Jacob and took him to the side, saying something that I couldn’t hear. He just looked up at his father and shook his head. Knowing Jessie, he was probably bribing him with ice-cream.

While they were talking, I glanced over at the casket. The flower arrangements were beautiful and I wanted to see who had been so thoughtful. It wasn’t surprising that there were so many. My mother was a wonderful woman. She worked in the hospital all of her adult life. Church was her second home, where she ran the nursery up until she got sick. Some of her best friends were members of the congregation.