Losing Him (Mitchell Family #8)(6)

It was a shame that I was sitting in my mother’s kitchen, feeling sorry for my life, when in a few hours I’d be putting my mother into the cold ground. This was her day, not mine. It was a day to celebrate a strong woman who died too soon. She’d want me to hug my son and be happy for what I had in life and I was determined to try to do that for her.

Jessie startled me when he walked into the kitchen and grabbed a coffee cup. “How are you feeling?”

I shrugged and leaned against the cabinets. “I guess as good as I can be. Sorry I woke you.”

He added cream and sugar and took his first sip of coffee. “I didn’t sleep good either.”

I looked at the floor. “You could have stayed in bed with me. It isn’t like we’ve never slept together before.”

He cleared his voice, sat his coffee down and pinned me to the kitchen cabinets. His mouth was so close to mine. “I could have, but you and I both know what happens when we’re in bed together. That’s not happening anymore, Heather. We need to stop doing this shit to each other.” He walked away, leaving me feeling so empty.

“I love you, Jessie. I know you don’t want to hear it, but I need you to know it. One day we’re here and the next we may not be. I don’t want to leave this world without you knowing that.”

“You’re being dramatic. Nothing is going to happen to you. Our relationship problems have nothing to do with love. It’s about trust. Without that, we can’t make it work. I’m done trying. Now, I came here to support you, but you need to know that’s all it is. Do you understand?” I was crying and he knew he’d hurt my feelings. He grabbed my arm and pulled me into a hug. “Heather, I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be a dick. I just want you to know that I’m not here to work things out. I’m here to support you because you don’t have anyone else. Just because I don’t want to be with you, doesn’t mean I don’t care.”

I let him hug me, but it didn’t make me feel better. It wasn’t like I didn’t already know our fate. I just couldn’t rehash it while trying to cope with everything else. I knew I was being super emotional, but how was I supposed to act? “I know. I just wish it could be different. I’m so glad you’re here. As complicated as we are, I don’t know what I would do if you hadn’t come.”

He grabbed my arms and pushed me away from his chest. “You’ll get through this week. You’re a lot stronger than you think you are. One of the things I always loved about you was how resilient you were.”

“That was before I lost the man I loved.”

He said something as he walked out of the room shaking his head.

Why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut, for once?

Getting through this in one piece was going to be difficult.

Chapter 4


Jessie


Every damn time we were alone, this shit happened. You’d think I’d learn my lesson, but no, I was always putting myself right back where we were before. Our road to a nowhere relationship was exhausting. I was so sick of the back and forth. That’s why I wanted out.

Heather’s sobbing continued throughout the morning. I tried to avoid her, consuming myself in all things Jacob. It worked for the first two hours he was awake, but a kid can only stay occupied for so long before he wants to get into something else.

When he heard his mother crying, he went running toward the sound.

We found Heather sitting on her mother’s bed. She was holding a picture of herself at graduation. Her mother was kissing her on the cheek. Jacob climbed on the bed as I sat beside her, taking the picture and looking at it closely. “You still look the same.”

She did a fake air filled laugh. “Yeah right!”

“Tell Mommy she’s still beautiful.” I meant it. Heather was stunning. She had no flaws when it came to her looks. Her hair always flowed and shined. She has the sweetest little lips and prettiest eyes. I loved her ass and the size of her tits, especially when she got pregnant. If I could have drawn up my dream girl in high school, it would have looked just like her.

“Mommy, you are beautiful!” he laughed.

“I don’t feel very beautiful, buddy. I feel worn out and sad.”

Jacob leaned over my legs and set his head down on his mother’s. “Don’t be sad Mommy. Me and Daddy will take care of you.”

I felt upset, thinking about how I was going to walk away from them, in hopes of finding something else with a less complicated relationship. I was sick of coming home and worrying about what, if anything, she could be keeping from me. I needed someone I could trust and Heather wasn’t it.

After we were all up for a while, we headed out to the grocery store to buy everything that was needed for the wake that was going to be held at the church. Heather knew the congregation would bring dishes, but she insisted on making sure they had a nice spread. We had just walked into the store and got Jacob in a cart, when I heard Heather gasp. A guy, my height came walking toward her. Since she was from this town, I figured it was someone she knew from school. That was, until she said his name.

“Conner?”

Hmm, this was “the” Conner.

He smiled and stuck a box of cereal inside of a cart with a little girl sitting in it.

“Heather. I heard about your mother. It’s a damn shame. I didn’t know her long, but she was a kind lady. The kids liked it when she worked in the nursery durin’ service on Sundays.” His accent was annoying. I hated how girls got all giddy over that shit.