Losing Him (Mitchell Family #8)(13)
“I have a feeling that I’m not going to like what I find out.”
She cocked her eyebrow. “I’ve said too much. This isn’t the time or place. I’m here because I know what it’s like to have cancer. Her mother fought for her life. She left behind a daughter struggling with the person she needs to be. I’m not a counselor, or even someone that gives people advice, but I am a mother. Heather loves her son and she loves you.” She paused and looked around the room. “Six years ago Heather was young and desperate. If I were in her place, maybe I would have done the same thing. I know that I’d die for my husband and he’d do the same for me.”
“I guess when I find everything out I can decide for myself then?”
She smiled. “It was nice meeting you in person, Jessie. If you’ll excuse me, I need to say hello to some people from church.”
I watched her walk away and knew it wasn’t to talk to some old ladies. She wanted to get as far away from me as possible. After looking around the room, I spotted Heather talking amongst a group of women. They were smiling and she seemed to be more relaxed.
I really hoped that I’d be able to forgive her, because walking away from her was going to be hard when I still loved her. Maybe I was trying to find reasons to stop loving her, if that was even possible. I wondered if I could hate and love someone at the same time.
Only time would tell.
Chapter 7
Heather
So many people had showed up to pay their respects to my mother. They were friendly to me, even giving me hugs and asking how I was doing. I started to feel a little braver halfway through the viewing. Since we lived in a small town, and my mother knew the funeral home director and her pastor, her service had all been arranged to be held back at the church at four. The viewing was supposed to go until three, but most people cleared out around two.
I was surprised to see that Van and her mother had stuck around. They were mingling amongst the other members of the congregation. Jessie had taken Jacob out to get a snack, since he was getting antsy again.
Slowly, but surely, I made my way up to where my mother’s body was. My hands felt clammy and the dizziness from before had come back. As much as I wanted to be brave, knowing that I had to do this, I took those final steps up there.
To prevent myself from passing out, I put both hands on the casket. My eyes opened slowly, focusing on her hands first. Like other deceased bodies, her hands were together. She was holding a cross and wearing her mother’s ring that I’d given her the Christmas before.
Without even thinking about what I was doing, I reached over and touched her hands. Tears filled my eyes and eventually started falling down my face, dripping onto my mom’s beautiful pink dress. I knew it well, since my grandmother had made it for her years ago. After she passed, my mother dabbled in sewing. She made all kinds of things, even my prom dress.
Just thinking of prom made me reminisce about that night. Since I couldn’t be Ty’s date, I ended up going with Mike, a guy we all grew up with. He was nice, and we even dated for a while, but it was just to try and make Ty jealous. When he and Van would fight, he would call me and take me out to this place near the football field. Most times, we would end up screwing in the back of his pickup truck.
I remembered passing him near the bathroom that night. He looked so good dressed up in a tux. My heart beat out of my chest when he whispered in my ear how hot I looked. I asked him what he was doing once the after party was over, but he said he was spending the night at the barn with Van. It broke my heart, even when I was used to being ‘the other’ girl. Ty only used me, I know that now. He never cared about me or how he affected me. He didn’t understand that I lived and breathed to feel him touching me.
I was a fool to think that he cared about me, yet I kept being drawn to him, no matter how happy he was with Van.
I closed my eyes and shook off that memory. Van was here and that was all in the past. I wasn’t that girl anymore and Ty was just someone I once cared deeply for. Jessie was the one I wanted. He was who I wanted to share my future with.
I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see that Van was standing there beside me. “I see you made it up here.”
“Yeah. I can’t look at her face though. I’ve just been staring at this dress, thinking about the one she made me for prom.” I looked down at the dress again and traced the fabric with my fingertips.
“Your dress was gorgeous. I didn’t know she made it.”
“I guess we weren’t exactly friends back then.”
“If it means anything, you should have dated Ty, not me. You were the cheerleader and he was the football player. I was just the nerdy girl he always wanted to rescue. For all I know, he probably even told you that himself.”
I looked at her taking my eyes off of my mother’s dress. “He never did. How pathetic is that? I kept trying even though I knew the whole time that he’d never love me. I let it ruin my life.” I wiped away my tears. “I wish we would have been friends instead. I’ve never met anyone like you, Van. You put yourself down back then, but you didn’t know how jealous I was of you. My God you’re gorgeous, you had a great boyfriend and got good grades. I was so envious of your life.”
She smiled. “You were the popular one. I could count my friends on one hand. When we got to college, after his accident, I didn’t have any friends.” Her smiled faded and she looked saddened.