Frigid Affair(38)
“We’re in Alaska, far away from your father-in-law or his opinions. You could apply here and go back to doing what you know. You could go back to saving people.”
He shrugged. “It’s not that simple.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “I won’t sit here and listen to you say you aren’t worthy of your son. He’s innocent in all this. You think he gives a shit whether you have a job or not? I don’t work. I live off the money I got when my family died. I probably could have gotten more if I sued the railroad for pain and suffering, but I just wanted it to be over. I packed up everything I could and never looked back. Now I get a statement each month that says I’m earning interest. Eventually we’ll move into a larger home, one closer to schools and the city. For now I’m comfortable. It’s mine. I own it free and clear.”
“Can I live in your shed?” He teased.
I smiled and lifted both shoulders. “I wouldn’t recommend it.”
“I’m kidding.”
“You’ll figure it out.”
“I hope you’re right. The second I saw that little guy I knew I had to get my act together. I just need to know you’re okay with this. I need to know you’re not going to change your mind tomorrow. I’m not out to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I never did. I let my temper take control once.”
“Stop explaining. I won’t change my mind. It’s going to be a big change but I’ll put on some big girl pants and get through it.”
“We don’t have to love each other for our son to have both of his parents around. It’s not the olden days. We have a kid. It happens.”
“What if I’d like to date you?”
“We can’t date.” I was quick to answer.
He slouched a little when I said it. “Oh.”
“We can’t date because we live in the middle of nowhere. I’m not ready to jump back on the horse yet. Let’s see how things go in the next couple days. I think we both need to sort out our feelings. This is all new for me.”
“Amantha, can I ask you something?”
“Sure. I have nothing to hide.”
“When you found out you were pregnant, did you want to tell me? Did you try to find me?”
I nodded. “I tried to find Easton Pratt. I searched everywhere. I even tried looking at fire heroes in New York City, because you told me you worked there. I didn’t know what I was going to say to you, but I at least wanted you to know you left me with a present.”
His smile was reassuring. “I would have been there for you if I could have.”
“How did you get away from those criminals when you left my house?”
“I didn’t. When I got back they were gone. I don’t know how they made it down the mountain, but they managed. I waited until the next day to start walking. I got a few miles down the road before someone plowing stopped to give me a lift.”
“Did you think about calling the police?”
“I couldn’t. I knew they’d go to you and I feared you’d learn who I really was. You have to understand, being with you made me feel alive again. I was still riding on that high, too selfish to ruin it with little details that would make you hate me.”
“What I hated was hearing that my friends had been robbed and assuming you were involved. I thought I made a baby with a criminal.”
“Sorry about that. I can see how that would
be troubling.”
“I wondered if I’d slept with someone capable of horrific things.”
He laughed and said something with concern. “Damn. I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t know I’d get pregnant, Jensen. It’s fine. It is what it is.”
For a few seconds we stood face to face. His eyes were fixed on mine, silently telling me the story of where he’d come from and how he longed to forget. “I better head up,” he managed to say while still focusing on me.
“Yeah, it’s getting late,” I agreed.
“I guess I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Christopher wakes up early.”
He chuckled and shook his head. “What’s your middle name?”
“Lynn. Why would you ask me that? What’s yours?”
“Christopher.” He turned and walked up the steps, smiling cheek to cheek before leaving me there to take it in.
Chapter 16
I laid awake for the longest time, staring at my sleeping child beside me and wondering how I’d gotten to this point. His innocence in all this was something I had to keep reminding myself.
Jensen was back in my life. Our lives would be forever entangled first by the train wreck and now because of the beautiful little boy we shared. The revelations of our talk still lingered fresh in my mind, keeping me from being able to relax. Jensen, the tough protector who’d rescued me from a burning building had been corrupted by his own heart. He’d lived the past four years tormented by everything he’d never be able to change. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and tell him it would be okay, but predicting the future wasn’t something I was any good at. Look at what I’d gone and done with my own life. I was a living, breathing, spectacular catastrophe. People wouldn’t believe my story if I showed them a live feed.