Frigid Affair(35)

“So have you? Gotten through it, that is. Do you feel like I was your last hurdle?”

“You’re not a hurdle. I mean, yeah, in some ways it helped me feel like everything was out in the open. One day I was as happy as can be and now it’s a struggle to get out of bed. I wouldn’t say I’m healed, but at least I have hope. I tell ya what though, seeing that little boy is a game changer.





Chapter 14


A game changer. That’s what Jensen had called it. The only question was how much longer I could pretend this wouldn’t change every single decision I made in my life. It upset me considering that he was going to be around whether I wanted him to or not. How I’d gotten to this point was infuriating. Just when I thought life was giving me a break, I’d been thrown another loop.

I think what made this all so hard was who Jensen was and what he represented to me. I didn’t look at him and immediately see death. It wasn’t anything like that at all. When I looked at him I saw someone who would always know the reason for my pain. He knew my weakness, because in some ways he’d lived through them. I wanted to run as fast and far as my legs would take me, but what good would it do? He’d tracked me down in Alaska. He’d come across the country to apologize for something that wasn’t even his fault. As much as I kept telling myself he was a liar, that he was someone who couldn’t be trusted, I knew it wasn’t true. He’d lied. If I put myself in his shoes I think I would have done the same. It wasn’t like I gave him another choice. He never expected to pull me from that fire, and I’m sure he was even more surprised when I came onto him.

Just like Alice committing suicide, there were consequences to every single decision made. Ours happened to be Christopher.

Jensen wasn’t there during my pregnancy, but it was because I couldn’t track him down. I’d tried to look for him several times. He’d given me a false name, leaving me thinking he was criminal who didn’t want to be found. The real truth was that he couldn’t stay and break my heart, not after the night we shared together.

Like I mentioned before, I wanted to hate him. Every single inkling I had about him had been wrong. I’d pegged him as the worst possible human being on the planet, only to discover he’d suffered a similar tragedy.

We were two lost souls, now bound by a blood relative. Was God trying to tell me something? Was this some sign from my dead family? Was I supposed to let this man into my life?

So many questions were left unanswered, and the more I searched for solutions, the closer I was coming to losing my mind.

Later on, after giving Christopher a bath and putting him to bed, I found Jensen in the large family room. The satellite had been out for most of the day, but he’d turned on a DVD he found in one of the cabinets. I recognized the actors as soon as I sat down at the opposite end of the couch from him. “I haven’t seen this in years.”

“I never met Bob and Eve in person. We corresponded via web chat. I didn’t peg either of them to watch such violent movies.”

I giggled to myself. “Yeah. Bob was into anything with guns or ninjas. Eve just watches them to spend time with him.”

“They’re really nice people. I never expected them to call me back. I even turned down the offer at first.”

“What changed your mind?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I wanted to tell you everything, but didn’t know if I’d ever be able to. I woke up the day after they called and considered what I had to lose. Of course, since I pretty much had nothing, it wasn’t a hard toss. I gave them a ring and the rest is history. Now I know I was meant to be here. It’s like I was guided back by some higher power.” He readjusted in his seat. “Do you believe in God, Amantha?”

“My family always went to church, but after the accident I felt like… I don’t know. I felt like if there was a God he wouldn’t have taken them away.”

“Yeah, I had similar thoughts. Up until I saw that little boy I had doubts. Now I know there has to be something out there. Nothing else could have brought me back here. What kind of person rents a cabin just to have one conversation with a woman he slept with and lied to? I’ve either gone crazy, or a higher power was leading the way. Like I said before, I didn’t want to come back. Something made me call them and accept the offer. I wasn’t sure what it was until I saw him.”

“I guess we’re going to have to talk about custody and all the stuff that goes with it. I’m sure you’ll eventually want to spend time alone with him. I know this is all new to you, but I think we need to set some guidelines so I don’t go off my rocker and take you out like a furry intruder.”

Jensen got a kick out of my analogy, though I didn’t say it to be funny.



“You’re moving a little too fast for me, woman. Let’s just see how the next few days go. I said I won’t push, and I’d like to think I’m a man of my word.”

I let out a snicker. “Sometimes it’s still weird for me to accept that I’m an adult living on my own with a child. I look at him when he sleeps and wonder how in the world I got to this point in my life. I’d been a wild child in high school. I partied a lot and was always looking for a good time. Everyone probably suspected I’d get knocked up and be a teen mother, but I made it through. When my family died it was like a switch turned off. I didn’t care about my friends, and I certainly didn’t want to be in public. My goals changed. I thought I was going to rot up on top of the mountain all alone. When you showed up that night and insisted on staying I threw caution to the wind. I didn’t care about consequences. I assumed nothing could break me, because I’d already hit my lowest point.” I paused for a moment to gather myself. “I didn’t even know I was pregnant until I was four and a half months along. It never even occurred to me that I could be. You can imagine the look on my face when the doctor told me the results. I had her redo the tests because I said it was impossible. Then I went to the pharmacy and bought some over the counter ones in a box.”