Frigid Affair(39)

I wasn’t sure of the time. I knew it was in the wee hours of the morning because I’d been awake for most of them. In my peripheral vision I saw a dark shadow in the doorway. Once my eyes focused I realized it was Jensen. He was standing with his arms folded watching us. I knew it was too dark in the room for him to see me looking back at him. Maybe I should have said something, but I didn’t want to risk waking Christopher. I expected him to leave, but he remained, never moving from the spot.

After everything we’d talked about my head was spinning. As angry as I’d been, it was obvious he needed my friendship more than I could have ever imagined.

I knew getting up would probably startle him, but I did it anyway, slipping slowly off the edge of the mattress. I turned to face the door, letting my arms fall to my sides while keeping my focus on the form of his body. For a few seconds I remained there, not because I was scared, but more because I knew what would happen if I moved forward. I couldn’t be selfish about my decisions anymore. I had to do what was best for my son; for our son. It was still difficult to remember Jensen needed to be included, all the more reason why walking toward him could lead us both down a road we weren’t prepared for.

I knew what had to be done; what would keep the peace between us even through hard times, but I couldn’t bring myself to climb back in that bed. One step turned into two, and then came three and four. Before I knew it we were face to face, close enough to see each other even in the pitch black. He stared down at me, never moving from his position. Both of my hands came up, my palms coursing over his cheeks. I kept them there, my eyes fixed on his. Finally I felt his arms relaxing, then slowly coming to sit on my hips. I let my hands fall down to his chest, keeping them flat against it. His fingers latched onto the elastic of my pajama pants, pulling me even closer. His warm breath blew over my lips, causing me to part them. I was hungry to feel his mouth pressing over mine. I wanted to relive what it was like to be with someone again; someone that I now shared an everlasting bond with.

His face inched toward mine, his eyes never closing as he narrowed in. His kiss was gentle, his lips remaining soft as they drug over mine. Then he held them there, silent and fragile. For a second I assumed he was changing his mind. Why else would he stop?

He picked me up with little effort and spun me around to lean against the doorframe. I wrapped my legs around his waist and fell into another kiss, this one more heated. His tongue coursed over mine, the taste of him familiar and welcoming. My hands fingered through his thick hair before taking a hold of the back of his head and forcing him even closer. My hunger only increased as our bodies began to heat up. Against his stomach my * throbbed. I hadn’t been with anyone since Jensen, and the idea of it happening again consumed me.

“I want you,” I whispered into our next kiss. “Take me to your bed.”

He let my feet touch the ground before he lifted my shirt over my head. Jensen leaned down and kissed the base of my neck, cupping both of my breasts as he worked his way lower. He drug his bottom lip over my belly button and played with the elastic of my pants. I felt them being shoved over my hips, stopping before they could pass my ass. He kissed the bone on either side and then brought his nose up to nuzzle across the fabric where my * sat. I let my head fall back, this minimal contact causing me to already lose control. He groaned, his deep voice vibrating off my skin.

He stood and looked into my eyes again, his voice broken and worrisome. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Jensen took a step back and took my hand. He closed the door so Christopher wouldn’t wake up and fall down the stairs. When he turned back to look at me I could see him better from the fire illuminating the room below us. He leaned forward, sucking my lips against his, before leading me down the steps, one at a time.

“This isn’t why I asked you here,” he said as he turned and kissed me again.

“Isn’t it though? Somewhere in the back of your mind you had to think about it.”

“Have you? Thought about it?”

I nodded and kissed him again. “I am right now. Tell me Jensen, are you as hot for me now as you were back then?”

His hand dug into my hair and I felt him pulling on it, controlling the way my head was positioned. “I can’t help from wanting you. You’re the only woman who has ever made me forget the pain. I crave reprieve and that’s what you represent to me; you’re a new beginning.”

“I can’t promise you anything else, Jensen. We’re both emotional. You coming back into my life is complicated. I don’t know where I want us to stand. All I know is that I want you like I’ve never wanted another. You gave me Christopher. Parts of me can’t deny that connection.”

“I didn’t come to your room to wake you.”

I pulled away so I could look at him and not want to savor his sweet lips. “Why did you?”

He sunk down on the couch and held out his arms for me to join him. He didn’t start talking again until I did it. “I keep thinking it’s all a dream. I had to make sure you were still here with me. He can’t be real. I don’t deserve him.”

I slid my hand up to his cheek. He leaned into it, closing his eyes as I did it. “He’s real. Trust me, I birthed him. My vagina will never be the same.”

He pulled me on top of him. “Let me be the judge of that.”

“It might be like the first time all over again,” I teased. “Do you think you can handle it?”