Undone(42)

But could I do actually it? Could I pretend to like Lucas, for Kai’s sake?

Finally a question I know the answer to without even thinking.

Of course I could.





chapter twenty-six


I didn’t have much time for plotting before GCSEs crept up on me. Exams are pretty much all I can think about right now, which is strange, because I’ve never really cared about this stuff before. But now I’m actually studying and it’s sort of nice to have something else to focus on. Of course I’ve been complaining to Mum and Dad every chance I get. They’d think there’s something seriously wrong with me if they knew I was enjoying revision.

I’m pretty sure I’ll do better than my teachers are expecting, but not as well as Dad thinks I will. He seems to think that hard work should mean top marks, but he should really know better. Life’s not like that. Some people don’t need to lift a finger and they’ll get more A*s than any one person could possibly need. And some people will sweat and toil away for weeks on end and come away with mediocre grades at best. Life isn’t fair. It’s the same with popularity, if you think about it. You can’t make it happen by being nice and friendly and kind – otherwise Jasmine James would rule the school instead of having to deal with the repercussions of rumours started by yours truly.

I’ve been trying to tell myself it’s not my fault, but it’s clearly my fault and I feel horrible about it. I really do. I don’t know for sure which one of Team Popular decided it was perfectly OK to start spouting off about it at school, but it doesn’t matter. The fact is, I should have known this would happen.

I’ve overheard at least three people talking about it already this week, and I’m ninety-nine per cent sure Jasmine knows. Yesterday in history I had this awful feeling that she wanted to talk to me about it. I could sense her glancing over at me way more than she normally does. I’ve never stared so hard at a textbook before. It must have done the trick; she didn’t say a word.

Hopefully everyone will forget all about it soon, what with the exams and everything. If not, all I can do is hope that Jasmine’s strong enough to weather the storm. Unlike Kai.

I devour the May letter far too quickly. I’ve got a maths exam today; I hate maths more than anything. My head is swimming with formulas and right-angled triangles. I stuff the letter under my pillow and promise myself I’ll read it again as soon as I get home.

Jemster,

Sorry about the last letter. And I’m sorry about all the apologizing I seem to be doing. It must be rather irritating, but I can’t seem to help myself. Sorry.

I’ll keep this brief, because you must be in the middle of your exams and I’d hate to be the reason for you failing. (Not that I think there’s the remotest chance of you failing. Failure is NOT an option, my dear.) I hope you’re not missing your study buddy too much. Not that I was ever much use – more of a hindrance than a help really. Too easily distracted - that’s always been my problem.

My three top tips for getting through these trying times are as follows:

1. Steer clear of caffeine late at night. Caffeine will drive you crazy. Trust me. (I’m surprised I’m still able to form coherent sentences right now... or maybe I’m just babbling incoherently and I can’t even tell.)

2. Rest your brain every so often. It’s a little-known fact that watching horror films is almost as good for the brain as eating oily fish. (I’d recommend something on the sillier end of the spectrum? Friday the 13th Part VIII: Janson takes Manhattan, perhaps?)

3. Try not to get too nervous-they’re only GCSEs, for God’s sake. Life’s too short to.

I’m going to leave you in peace. Go do some revision... Now. Step to it, soldier! And get your mum to test you - you know how much she loves playing quizmaster.

Good luck, pickle. Break a leg and all that.

Love,

Kai

xxx



Today’s the day. Bugs passed his test without even a single minor fault. I even hugged him when he told us the news.

Mum’s been nagging me about revision, but she eventually came round to the idea that a day out might be just what I need. Plus I told her I’d work extra hard as soon as I get home this afternoon – I said she can even test me if she likes (Kai was right – it’s one of her favourite mother–daughter activities). Besides, she’s over the bloody moon about my ‘new friends’ as she keeps calling them. She’s always asking questions about Sasha.

I went to the shop first thing this morning. Right on the other side of town, of course. There was an old lady behind the counter and she gave me the longest, hardest look. The old Jem would have crumbled and mumbled and reddened under the gaze of her watery eyes. I just stared right back at her, daring her to say something. She was the first to look away. When it comes down to it, most people are weak. Too afraid to say what they’re really thinking – especially to a stranger.

I shoved my purchases into my bag, looking over my shoulder to check no one was watching. Which is exactly the kind of shifty behaviour that makes people notice you.

I breathed a shaky sigh of relief as soon as I escaped from the shop, swiftly followed by a giggle that bubbled up from nowhere. Also the kind of shifty (or deranged) behaviour that makes people notice you. Sure enough, a kid leaning against the shop window looked at me strangely. Normally I’d ignore it and scurry away like a particularly pathetic mouse. Not this time though, this time I told him to f*ck off. His eyes widened and he looked embarrassed. I felt bad; I wanted to apologize. But I didn’t. I walked away feeling ashamed of myself. He was just some poor kid, who happened to look at some mad girl who was laughing to herself. What was wrong with that?