Undone(45)

‘Are you sure? It’d be pretty tough for the big rugby star to admit . . . even to himself.’ I think I might have gone too far. I sound like a character in a ‘very special episode’ of some crappy teen show – the one where the jock comes out of the closet. ‘You’re probably right though. It is the kind of thing Stu would do, isn’t it?’

Now she’s looking thoughtful. That reversal of tactics was a wise move. ‘Yeah, maybe. You know, I always thought Bugs fancied me . . . but. . .’

‘But what?’ It’s like reeling in a fish – a very small fish that’s not even struggling.

She shakes her head because Stu is running towards us, with Bugs close on his heels. He dodges the car at the last minute and the two of them carry on up the street. ‘I don’t know. Why would he keep them there, though? Pretty weird, don’t you think?’

She has a point, but I counter with, ‘That’s teenage boys for you,’ meaning they like to get their rocks off at any opportunity.

I don’t push it any further. There’s no need. The seed of doubt is there, planted deep inside her brain. She’ll never be able to look at him in the same way, no matter what he does to convince her. And with a bit of luck, this rumour will spread through the school and into the boys’ changing rooms. Even if the boys on the rugby team don’t believe it, they’ll still take the piss out of him. Mercilessly. And that’s good enough for me. He’ll know what it’s like to have people staring at you, whispering about you.

Kai would hate this. There’s no doubt about that. He’d say something about me sinking down to their level. And he’d ask me if I thought this was really the right way to go about things. Knowing full well that if I really, truly thought about it, the answer would be no. But it’s the only way I know. I’ve come too far to backtrack. And they deserve everything that’s coming to them – let’s not forget that.

The pointless chase round the town centre ends eventually. Sasha’s the peacemaker. She takes the magazines from Stu and Lucas and hands them back to Bugs. He puts his hands up as if the very act of touching them might make him a little bit gay. ‘No! I TOLD you! They’re not mine. Chuck ’em in a bin or something. Stu, you are so gonna pay for this, man. It’s not funny.’

Stu’s still grinning like this is the best thing that’s ever happened. ‘OK, two things: first of all, it is f*cking hilarious. And second of all, I had nothing to do with it. I wish I had! So either you’re a closet homo with a serious addiction to wanking off – in the car though, dude? Really? – or someone else put them there. My money is totally on you being queer though – all those sweaty bodies in the changing rooms after rugby . . . how can you resist?’ He dodges Bugs’s attempt to hit him by hiding behind Sasha and using her as a shield.

Stu and Lucas are making the most of this, really enjoying themselves. But there’s no way they believe it. They know Bugs isn’t gay. I’d like to think that if they suspected there was even the tiniest chance he might be, they’d be slightly more sensitive to the situation. He is their mate, after all. Unlike Kai.

Sasha’s different though. She’s not so sure. And everyone else at school will be in the same boat as her. They don’t know Bugs well enough – that’s the beauty of it. And people love nothing more than gossip. It doesn’t need to be true, just possible.

I make a show of looking at my watch and saying I’m going to be late for dinner if I don’t hurry up. So I don’t see how they leave things. All I know is that when I walk away (triumphant grin kept in check – for now) Bugs is angry as hell, embarrassed like he’s never been embarrassed in his life, and trying desperately to convince Sasha that he has no idea how those magazines found their way into his car. Lucas and Stu are leafing through the magazines, pointing and laughing like eight-year-olds. And Sasha’s standing there with her arms crossed, not sure what to say or do. Probably weighing up the possibility that the one boy she could rely on to worship the ground she walks on might in fact bat for the other team.

It’s bloody brilliant.

The rumour has spread around school. To such an extent that no one seems to be talking about Jasmine James any more. To such an extent that Stu and Lucas have stopped taking the piss out of Bugs. It’s not so funny for them any more.

Bugs seems to be going out of his way to prove his sexuality. Lewd comments at any opportunity. Most of his lewdness is aimed at Sasha; I don’t think she’ll be sitting on his knee or snuggling up to him anytime soon. His cluelessness is truly breathtaking.

People will forget about it in a couple of weeks, with the exams and everything. But it’s enough just to see Bugs shuffling down the corridors looking unhappy. It doesn’t matter that it won’t last. It’s enough – for him, anyway. Bugs should count his lucky stars he clearly couldn’t be considered the brains behind any kind of operation, let alone one as cruelly calculating as what they did to Kai.

One down, two to go.





chapter twenty-eight


Something happened yesterday. Or rather, something didn’t happen. I forgot to open Kai’s letter. I wouldn’t have thought that was possible. With the other letters, I was thinking about nothing else for days, even weeks before. As soon as I’d opened one I’d be counting down the days to the next one. It took so much willpower not to open them early, just to hear his voice again.