Undone(49)

‘Different? Is that supposed to be a compliment? You’re going to have to try harder than that, especially if you want to . . .’ I lean up and kiss him swiftly. I can’t get over how easy this is, this game of make-believe.

‘It is a compliment. You’re more . . . I dunno . . . than I thought you’d be.’

‘Wow. Eloquent.’ We’re standing so very close, our faces inches apart.

‘Hey! Are you making fun of me?’ He looks like he’s very much OK with me making fun of him – as long as there’s going to be more kissing.

‘Yes, I think I am.’

I steel myself and kiss him again to soften the blow.

Later I’m lying on my bed, thinking about the kissing. I can’t stop grinning; it was so easy. So basic and simple and uncomplicated. It’s amazing to me that I can say something and know exactly how he’s going to react, despite the fact that my previous experience with boys is practically non-existent.

Has this version of me been lurking there all along, somewhere deep below the surface, biding its time, waiting for its chance to make an appearance? Or do I just have some random talent for acting that I never knew existed? Should I have been auditioning for school plays all these years instead of taking the piss out of those ultra-confident drama kids?

There’s some part of me – a stupid, hippy-dippy spiritual part – that wonders if somehow Kai has something to do with this. Like he might be guiding me from beyond the grave. Crazy, I know, but the idea is sort of comforting.

Lucas and I kissed for a long time, only stopping when a tiny yappy dog came over and got its long lead tangled around our legs. Lucas laughed and bent down to disentangle the dog, which then proceeded to try and mount his leg.

‘Someone’s popular today!’

‘What can I say? I’m irresistible to women, dogs, pretty much any species you can think of. I believe it’s called “animal magnetism”.’ This is exactly the kind of thing I’d expect a boy like Lucas to say, but there’s a mocking glint in his eye and I can’t quite tell if he’s mocking me or himself.

‘You’re an idiot.’

He treated me to another devastating smile. ‘A cute idiot though, right?’

I shrugged and walked away. Sure enough, he followed like a little puppy.

We got ice creams (Lucas paid) from the cafe in the middle of the park. Lucas held out his cone and said, ‘Fancy a lick?’ while wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

‘Maybe later,’ I said, just as suggestively. Normal shy and retiring Jem was screaming, YOU DO REALIZE YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT GIVING HIM A BLOW JOB, DON’T YOU? And this new version of Jem was shrugging, not even a little bit bothered (because that is never ever going to happen). I have to draw the line somewhere, and right now I choose to draw it at exactly the level of Lucas’s belt.





chapter thirty


‘Lucas told me.’ Sasha’s tone is casual in a very non-casual sort of way.

My hand stops flicking through the hangers. ‘Lucas told you what?’

Sasha grabs the hanger out of my hand. ‘Perfect! You found my size.’ She holds it up against herself and tilts her head. ‘What do you think? The ultimate pulling top?’

I nod. It’s definitely the perfect pulling top – slinky and sexy and black. ‘Sasha, what did Lucas tell you?’

‘Nice try, Jem, but there’s no point playing dumb with me. It’s OK, you know. I told you it’s OK. He really likes you – there’s no way he’d have told me unless he really liked you. I guess he was looking for my blessing or something, or at least making sure I wouldn’t kill him . . . or you.’

‘I . . . I don’t know what to say.’ There are some things in life that are beyond imagination. Going shopping for pulling outfits with Sasha Evans and talking to her about kissing her ex-boyfriend is pretty high up on my list of whatthef*ckery.

Sasha smiles and flounces past me to flick through a rail of even slinkier clothes. ‘You don’t have to say anything. I get that it must be a bit awkward for you, but if I’m not being weird about it then I refuse to let you be weird about it. So let’s make a deal. No weirdness, OK?’

‘No weirdness. But–’

She holds her index finger up to her perfectly pouty lips. ‘Hush! I said NO WEIRDNESS.’

So I can’t ask her why she’s being so ridiculously reasonable about this and why it doesn’t seem to bother her one little bit that I had my tongue in her ex-boyfriend’s mouth. I thought it was like the first rule of friendship or something – you stay away from friends’ boyfriends and ex-boyfriends and even boys they used to have a vague crush on. Clearly I have a lot to learn about friendship. Or perhaps Sasha’s the exception that proves the rule.

She throws a hanger at me and I fail to catch it. I must have used up my quota of catches playing frisbee with Lucas. ‘You should try that on. He’ll like it.’

Now this is crossing the line into major oddness. She wants me to try on a top because Lucas will like it. Not because she likes it, or because I would like it. Don’t get me wrong – I’m glad she hasn’t flipped her lid about the Lucas situation. If she did have a problem with it, Lucas might want to cool things, and how the f*ck would I be able to hurt him then?