Undone(52)

At least Mum manages to keep her mouth shut though. Dad’s the one who says, ‘And where are you off to, looking all fancy?’

Mum nudges him in the chest with her foot, which is easy enough to do, since she’s lying on the sofa with her feet in his lap. She knows me too well. She can sense that the slightest thing will make me run back upstairs to change my clothes.

I try a breezy, nonchalant look on for size, knowing that the next words out of my mouth will floor them. ‘I’ve got a date.’ I struggle to maintain eye contact with Dad, but it’s worth it because I get to witness his eyes widening as far as they can go.

‘A date? With a boy?’

‘Yes, Dad. A date with a boy.’

‘Well. That’s just . . . um . . . Cath?’ He looks at Mum and she rolls her eyes.

‘That’s just wonderful, Jem.’ She’s doing a fair job of hiding her excitement at this revelation, I’ll give her that. She grabs the remote control and mutes the TV. ‘Who’s the lucky boy? If you don’t mind me asking . . .’

‘His name’s Lucas.’

‘Lucas? Nice name, isn’t it? Very . . . manly.’

My mother has lost the plot. I have to get out of here pronto, even if it means diving through the (closed) window.

‘And when will we get to meet this Lucas character?’ says Dad. ‘I’m not sure I like the idea of you going out on the town with some strange boy we’ve never even met.’

‘Greg!’ Mum gives him another kick, less gentle this time. ‘We’re not living in the Stone Age. I’m sure Jem will introduce us to her boyfriend when she’s good and ready.’

‘Muuuuuuuum! He’s not my boyfriend. Can we just . . . not do this? I’m gonna be late. I’ll see you guys later, OK?’ I’m backing out of the living room, desperate to escape.

The last thing I hear before I slam the door is Dad shouting, ‘No funny business, OK?’ and Mum admonishing him with an extra-stern ‘GREG!’

Well, that was almost exactly as awkward as I would have expected. I have no earthly idea why I told them about Lucas. I could have said ANYTHING. Anything in the world and they’d have believed me. But no. I had to go and tell the truth.

I kick myself all the way down the street and halfway to the cinema, reliving every cringeworthy moment of the conversation. And then I realize something. I wanted them to know. I wanted to see how they’d react. To see what it would be like for them to have a normal daughter who did normal things, instead of a freakish daughter obsessed with her dead best friend.

It was a mistake though. I shouldn’t give them false hope. It’ll only make it that much harder for them when this version of me ceases to exist. When any version of me ceases to exist.

Only four months to go.

There are loads of people milling around the cinema entrance. Lucas is sitting on the front steps, leaning back on his elbows, catching some rays. His perfect face is bathed in sunlight. He looks like the sun should be worshipping him rather than the other way around. A bunch of twelve-year-old girls sit a few feet away, staring and giggling and nudging each other. I bet he gets that all the time. He probably doesn’t even notice any more – he’s so used to people looking at him wherever he goes.

I stand right over him, blocking out the sun. Putting him in the shade. I like the way it feels, standing over him like this.

He sits up and smiles. ‘Hey, you. You look really nice. Is that new?’

I shrug and look down at my top. ‘Nah, just something I found lurking in the back of the wardrobe.’ I sit down next to him on the steps. Not too close.

He smiles again and I can tell he knows. I bought it for his benefit and he knows. Arrogant bastard. ‘Don’t I get a hello kiss?’

Another shrug from me. ‘Hmm . . . unsure. I think you have to work a little harder to earn a kiss.’ The twelve-year-olds are watching us. I’d usually feel uncomfortable under this kind of scrutiny, but today I don’t care. I’m pretty sure they think Lucas is out of my league, but I couldn’t be less bothered. There’s only one person I need to fool tonight, and from the way he’s looking at me, it’s not going to be too hard.

Or so I thought.

‘Oi! Mahoney! Think fast.’ A scrunched-up Coke can hits Lucas on the chest. Lucas leaps up and launches himself at his assailant, rugby-tackling him round the waist and lifting him off the ground. Stu. And lurking behind him, looking gormless, Nina.

Nina sidles over and sits next to me and we watch the boys grapple with each other in a way that can only be described as homoerotic.

I have to make an effort to talk to her. She is one of Them after all, even if she is a peripheral bit of fluff. ‘I thought you’d be in New York by now.’

She twirls her hair around her finger and I can’t tell if it’s a nervous tick or if she just really likes how it feels. ‘I’m off on Saturday.’

‘Oh.’ This is going to be hard work. ‘So . . . are you and Stu . . . ?’

‘Are me and Stu what?’ Either she’s playing games or she really is as stupid as she looks.

‘Um . . . a couple?’

She stops staring at the boys for a second and there’s a spark of something in her eyes. ‘Yeah, I suppose we are. I mean, it’s not, like, official or anything. We don’t need to put, you know, labels on it. We both know where we stand, and yeah, it’s good.’ She nods emphatically, like she’s trying to convince herself.