Undone(54)

I nod again, but this time I lean in very close, so our mouths are almost touching. ‘This film is terrible.’ He nods but he’s not thinking about the film any more. He’s not thinking about anything except kissing me. Just as he goes in for the kill, I lean back. He’s grinning now; this is some kind of game to him.

I lean in again and he does the same. This time I bite his bottom lip ever so gently before pulling away. I try my best to ignore the fact that Stu is sitting so close. I try not to think about him watching. Hopefully he’s too into the film or busy trying to get his hands down Nina’s pants to notice what Lucas and I are up to.

I let Lucas kiss me. And somehow I feel much calmer when we’re kissing. Like it’s OK and not scary because I made it happen. I am in control of this.

After a while Lucas’s hands start to wander. I knew they would. I resist the urge to grab his filthy hand and snap every one of his fingers. I have to be OK with this. I have to pretend to want this. My breath catches in my throat and a soft sound escapes from me. It’s the sort of noise you’d make if you were enjoying yourself – if you liked how you were being touched.

The sound is a lie.

The four of us go for milkshakes after the film. Stu decides to try and down three milkshakes in five minutes if Lucas will pay for them. Nobody dared him to do something this stupid – he came up with the idea all by himself. I wonder if he has a notebook at home to record all his ideas for Stupid Things I Can Do Involving Food and Drink. Or maybe he just comes up with them on the spot. Perhaps it’s a gift.

We chant, ‘Down it, down it,’ and thump our hands on the Formica table, much to the annoyance of every other customer. None of them ask us to pipe down though – not even the lady with the helmet hair who’s glaring at us every time I look over. I give her a little wave accompanied by a sugar-sweet smile and she looks away in disgust, muttering something to her husband/boyfriend, whose hair is equally disastrous. I would never have done something like this a few months ago. Strangers were to be ignored, or feared, or whispered about. They were not to be confronted or taunted or laughed at – at least not openly.

I turn my attention back to Stu – two milkshakes down and going strong. I try not to think about helmet-hair woman. I try not to think about the possibility that maybe she’s had a really crap day at work or maybe her dog’s just died or maybe she’s just really not in the mood to put up with a bunch of noisy, irritating teenagers. I try not to think about the possibility that maybe this is her first night out in ages because she’s been so busy looking after the kids. Maybe she was really looking forward to a burger and onion rings and a night of peace and quiet. I try not to think about her. People like me do not think about people like her. We don’t even give them a second thought. Why would we?

Stu completes the challenge and Lucas slaps him on the back – hard. I think he’s trying to make him spew. Stu’s looking massively proud of himself, and only a little nauseous. ‘Come on, mate, cough up!’ He holds out his hand and Lucas hands over a tenner. I’m starting to think that Lucas really does have a never-ending supply of cash. I wonder what that must be like.

Nina seems impressed by Stu’s antics. Milkshake-downing must be high up on her list of desirable qualities in a boy. They start kissing and it looks like she’s using her tongue to try and get every last drop of milkshakey goodness from Stu’s mouth. It’s about as revolting as you’d expect.

I excuse myself to go to the loo, ignoring the unimpressed look on Lucas’s face. He doesn’t want to witness this display of grossness any more than I do. He needn’t worry though, because Nina disengages herself from Stu’s mouth, grabs her bag and scoots out of the booth too. Fantastic. Just what I need. Girl talk with Miss Vapid.

Nina heads straight for one of the two stalls in the toilets, but I hesitate because a) I don’t really need the loo anyway, and b) there’s no way I could pee with her in the next stall. Nina’s totally cool with it though. She starts talking, but I find it really hard to concentrate while I can hear her peeing. I study myself in the mirror instead; you can tell I’ve been kissing.

Nina’s still going on about Stu as she washes her hands. I’m not sure how much more of this I can take. Maybe it’s time to have a little fun – lay some groundwork for getting back at Stu. ‘I think it’s really great that he’s making such an effort, you know.’

Nina’s expression is even more confused than usual.

‘Well, it can’t be easy for him, can it? He’s not exactly a “one-woman man”, is he?’ I even do that annoying inverted-comma thing with my fingers, which I have never, ever done before.

She shrugs and says, ‘That was before,’ with a tiny yet unmistakable pout.

‘Oh yeah, I know. He really likes you. I mean, he didn’t even flirt with that girl at the cinema.’

It’s a real struggle not to laugh at Nina’s face in the mirror. ‘Which girl?’

‘The one at the pick ‘n’ mix counter. She was after him for sure. I kind of got the feeling that he’d . . . that they’d . . . Sometimes you can just tell, can’t you? But it’s so great that you can trust him.’

Nina looks thoughtful as she applies sticky pink gloss to her lips and smacks them together a couple of times before saying, ‘I do trust him.’ The emphasis betrays her true feelings.