Undone(44)

We sit around until the rain becomes drizzle, and sit around some more until the drizzle becomes nothing. Then we walk on the beach and the boys engage in one of their obligatory wrestling matches. Sasha and I ignore them and walk ahead. She’s quieter than usual, which is disconcerting, because if she’s the quiet one then I have to think of something to say to fill the silence. And all I can come up with is, ‘I like the sea,’ which is too stupid for words.

We sit on the damp sand and Sasha uses her finger to draw a heart with JH and LM inside it. I scuff over it with my boot while she laughs. ‘You’re hilarious. Truly.’ I can tell she thinks my sarcasm is cute, which makes me never want to be sarcastic ever again.

The boys arrive back at the car a few minutes after us, all ruddy-faced and sandy. Lucas leans over and ruffles his hair for ages, trying to get every last grain of sand out. Everyone agrees that we should head back home. There’s some boxing match on TV that the boys are going to watch at Stu’s house. Watching two sweaty guys beating the shit out of each other is exactly the sort of entertainment I would expect them to enjoy.

I’m more talkative on the way back, mostly because I’m trying to disguise the fact that my foot is ever so slowly sliding something out from under the driver’s seat. Little by little, it edges out until anyone looking down at my feet would see it. But of course no one is looking down at my feet.

I ask Bugs to drop me off in town, claiming I have to pick something up for Mum. I say my goodbyes and slam the door and I swear Bugs winces. I take a few steps away from the car before turning round. Stu’s watching me through the open window. I think he likes the way my bum looks in these jeans.

‘I forgot my bag! Stu, would you mind . . . ?’

He nods and reaches down to grab my bag.

His brow furrows.

His eyes widen.

He laughs. No, it’s more like a guffaw. ‘Well, well, well, what have we got here?! Bugs . . . something you want to tell us, mate?’

I open the car door. I’m the first one to say, ‘What’s that?’ This might not seem important, but it is.

Lucas makes a grab for the magazine in Stu’s hand, while Stu reaches down and rummages under Bugs’s seat. ‘Wait! There’s more!’ He pulls out two more magazines with a look on his face that can only be described as gleeful.

Sasha and Bugs are both leaning over their shoulders, trying to see what all the fuss is about. Stu treats them to a particularly graphic page – he has a lot to choose from. Sasha’s hand flies to her mouth in a gesture that I was pretty sure no one actually did in real life. Turns out I was wrong. Bugs’s eyes bug out. I laugh, because that’s what I should do in this situation.

‘What the f*ck?! They’re not mine!’ And it sounds like he’s lying, which is just brilliant.

Lucas joins in the fun. ‘Yeah, yeah, that’s what they ALL say. That’s exactly what you said when your mum found that weed in your bedroom, remember?’

Bugs tries to grab the magazines from Stu, but Stu’s ready for him. ‘Hands off! I’m learning a lot . . . this picture in particular is very . . . er . . . educational.’ The photo shows bodies in positions I didn’t know bodies could get into. And lots and lots of penises.

Sasha’s blushing almost as much as Bugs. I didn’t have her marked down a prude, but maybe she’s just embarrassed for him.

Bugs jumps out of the car and nudges me out of the way. His enormous bulk hides Stu and Lucas from view, but from the sounds of things there’s a struggle going on. There’s laughter, swearing, and a pleasing ‘ow!’ from Stu. I’m transfixed by the sight of Bugs’s bum crack peeking over the top of his jeans. A few ginger hairs are sprouting here and there.

Lucas and Stu spill out of the other side of the car and Bugs reverses out of this side, nearly flooring me in the process. A chase ensues, but Bugs has no chance. Lucas has one magazine, Stu has the other two – and they run in opposite directions. Bugs is huffing and puffing like an angry asthmatic bear and the other two are taunting him – waving the magazines in front of him.

Stu shouts, ‘Mate, you should have told me . . . It’s nothing to be ashamed of.’ He bends over and looks between his legs. ‘You want a piece of this sweet, sweet ass? Come and get it, big boy!’ Bugs almost catches him this time, but Stu dodges out of the way with expert ease.

‘You f*cking f*ck! You put them there, didn’t you? I’m going to kill you, you little bastard.’ He’s focusing the chase on Stu now, the obvious candidate for planting the magazines. That’s the price you have to pay for playing pathetic practical jokes all the time, I guess.

Sasha gets out of the car and this is when I have to be careful, because she may be many things, but stupid isn’t one of them. ‘Poor Bugs,’ she says.

‘I know. So embarrassing. I had no idea.’

‘No idea about what?’

‘That he’s, y’know . . .’

‘Gay?! Bugs isn’t gay! No way . . . no chance. Stu planted those magazines, I bet you anything.’

‘You think? That’d be kind of a low thing to do. I mean, that stuff looks pretty hardcore . . . literally.’

Sasha doesn’t laugh at my lame attempt at humour. ‘There’s no way.’ She shakes her head and frowns. ‘No way.’