Toe the Line(56)

“What’s her last name?”

“Benedict.”

“Like eggs benedict? What you order from the diner?”

“Yup.” I laughed. “Just like that.”

“Where do you know her from?”

“Remember we were watching that movie once and I pointed out that big house by the water and said it looked like the one Nana Nora and my dad used to own on the island in Maine?”

She nodded. “Yup.”

“Noelle was there, too. And we became really good friends one summer. Even though our lives took us in different directions, we’ve always stayed friends. And it’s been a long time since I’ve seen her.”

“You miss her?”

I chuckled. “I do.”

Looking down at my daughter’s sweet face, a heavy feeling settled in my chest. I thought about what Noelle would miss if she never had a child of her own. My daughter meant more to me than anything in the world. Even though she’d been unplanned, I couldn’t imagine life without her now. Noelle deserved to experience what I’d been gifted with. I shouldn’t have questioned her decision to make that happen, especially since I couldn’t relate to her feeling that she was running out of time and might not be able to have something she’d dreamed of. Having a child wasn’t something I’d known I wanted until it happened to me.

Over the last few days, I’d tried to dig further into what was really bothering me about Noelle’s choice to use a sperm donor. I’d asked for guidance from above—which I almost never did—on how to handle this feeling of urgency inside me. But I was still waiting for that much-needed clarity.

My daughter interrupted my thoughts. “Is Noelle pretty?”

“She’s very pretty.”

“Pretty like Mommy?”

I smiled. “Yes. Just like Mommy.” Except prettier. I ruffled her hair. “But you know what?”

“What?”

“It’s more important to be beautiful inside than outside. You know that, right?”

She nodded.

Noelle was definitely that, too.

The past several years had been one big blur since my dad died. Between the shock of that, my mother’s illness, switching career paths, the surprise pregnancy, getting married, becoming a father, I hadn’t fully grasped what I’d lost when it came to Noelle Benedict. I’d blocked out the questions about what might have happened between us if things were different. Almost every decision I’d made until now was because I felt I had no choice. My life had been ruled by obligation, not by my own wants and needs. If it were a matter of what I wanted, I would’ve chosen Noelle a long time ago.

As soon as I had that realization, the strangest thing happened. I looked down at the floor in my bedroom and could hardly believe my eyes. I got chills.

“Daddy, what’s wrong?” Clancy asked.

Lying on the floor was one of those plastic Easter eggs like the ones Noelle and I’d toyed around with during our summer together. But it wasn’t even close to Easter.

I bent and lifted the egg. “What is this, Clancy?”

“My Easter egg! You found it! I was looking everywhere for it.” She held out her hand.

“You were?” I squinted. “Where did you get it?”

“I found it on the ground outside. I was gonna put pennies in it.”

My heart sped up as I stared down at the purple egg. Everything seemed clearer.

Am I crazy?

This is crazy, right?

But is it truly crazy if it feels right?

I’d just gotten the sign I’d asked for.





CHAPTER 21


NOELLE


I STOOD IN the airport waiting for him, unsure why I was so nervous. I’d readied myself to see Archie many times in the past, but it had never felt like this.

When he finally came into sight, my heart beat faster. His gorgeous face curved into a smile the moment he spotted me. I lifted my hand in a wave and hopped excitedly.

“Wow,” he said as he dropped his duffel bag. He opened his arms wide and hugged me, my body melting into his as I became instantly drunk on his scent.

“It’s so good to be here,” he said. When he let go of me, he smiled. “Look at you. God, I’ve missed you.”

My heart wanted to burst out of my chest. I’d somehow known it would feel like no time had passed, that I’d still have the same reaction to Archie I always did. I was right. And I was fucked. “I am so freaking happy you’re here,” I said. “What do you want to do first?”

He lifted his bag and threw it over his shoulder. “Show me everything—where you live, where you like to eat. Honestly, it doesn’t matter what we do. I just want to spend time with you and let loose.” He sighed, running a hand through that beautiful mane of golden-streaked hair. “I needed this break.”

“You got it.” I smiled. “Did you check another bag?”

“No. I didn’t want to waste any time. Packed everything into my carry-on.”

I laughed. “Impressive.” I pointed him toward the exit.

“So…am I gonna get to meet Jason while I’m here?” he asked as we walked.

Thankfully, no. That would’ve been uncomfortable. But timing was on my side. “He, uh, had to go out of town this weekend. He promised his daughter a trip to look at grad schools out west, so ironically, he’s headed to where you came from as we speak.”