Toe the Line(55)

There was a brief pause. “I take it you got my email.”

“I did.” I swallowed. “I have to be honest. I opened it a couple of days ago. I wasn’t sure how to respond.”

She laughed nervously. “That’s not very encouraging.”

“No, no, I was just a little shocked. You’d never even hinted at this. I had no clue it was something you’d been thinking of doing.”

“I know. I kept it to myself.”

“I’d always imagined you getting married and having kids the traditional way. But there’s nothing wrong with doing things unconventionally, if that’s what you really want.”

“Well, life doesn’t always make it possible to get to your dreams the way you’ve imagined.”

“I get that—totally. Especially with what you told me about the endometriosis. I obviously had no idea you were going through that, either.” I hesitated. “Noelle, please know I respect whatever decision you make. I just wonder…if you’ve thought this through. Thirty is still pretty young.”

Her tone became a bit defensive. “Just because I’ve only now told you about it, doesn’t mean I haven’t been considering it for a long time. Believe me, this decision was not one I made lightly.”

My chest felt tight as I tugged on my hair, but damn, she had a good point. “The guy you’re dating is okay with this?”

“Our relationship is not what you’d consider traditional. It works for us, though. And he is fine with it, but this is my choice, not his.”

“Of course,” I agreed, though I didn’t really understand.

Sure, Jason already had kids, but if he cared about Noelle, why the hell would he want her using a stranger’s sperm to have a baby instead of offering his own? That made me not trust this guy, even if he had his reasons. It told me he didn’t plan on sticking around forever. It made me want to strangle him. But I couldn’t tell her that. And it wasn’t like the idea of her having his baby made me comfortable, either. So, not sure what I was even rooting for here.

“You know I’ll always support you, Noelle,” I told her. “I just feel protective when it comes to you. That’s all this is about. It’s not judgment, only protectiveness.”

“Well, you have a daughter to protect now. You don’t need to protect me.”

Ouch. I shut my eyes. “You don’t need me, but I’ll always want to protect you. Nothing will ever change that.” Pulling on my hair, I paced. “When is this supposed to happen?”

“Well, I haven’t…” She hesitated.

My body stilled. “You haven’t what?”

“I haven’t been able to settle on a donor. I don’t know why the decision is so difficult for me. It just seems so…big.”

Maybe it’s difficult because it’s not meant to be. I took a deep breath. “I have a favor to ask.”

“What?”

“Don’t make any decisions until I come out there. I’m planning a visit soon—in the next couple of weeks, if that works for you. Maybe I can go through the choices with you and help you decide.”

“Wait… You’re coming here?”

“I’d like to.” I chuckled. “Is that good news or bad?”

She laughed. “It’s very good news. I never thought you’d be able to.”

“I’ve been meaning to come see you for a while. I need to get away from the grind. The last trip I took was my goddamn honeymoon. All these years you’ve been the one to come visit me because of various shit going on in my life. It’s about damn time I return the favor.” I sighed. “You don’t have to go out of town for work, do you?”

“I’ve been doing more in-house production stuff lately. I haven’t field produced or traveled in a while. So I’ll be here.”

“Alright.” I resumed pacing. “I’m serious about this. I’ll look into flights tonight, and I’ll email you the dates. Text me your address again. I’ll book a room near your place.”

“You don’t need to do that,” she insisted. “You can stay here.”

“Your apartment is small, from what you told me, and I’m not sure your boyfriend would appreciate me staying there, either. Don’t want to cause trouble, you know?”

“Whatever you prefer. Just know that you’re welcome.”

“Thanks.”

After we finished our call, I pulled up flights and booked my ticket.

? ? ?

The following Thursday, my daughter watched eagerly as I packed my clothing into the suitcase. I had an early flight to New York City tomorrow morning. I’d be dropping Clancy off at Mariah’s after she and I had dinner together tonight.

She bounced on my bed. “Daddy, when are you coming back?”

“Monday. I’ll only be gone for a few days. I wouldn’t be able to go longer than that without seeing you.”

“Why are you going to New York again?”

“To visit an old friend, someone who’s very important to me. You met her once, but you were too young to remember.”

Her eyes were like saucers. “What’s her name?”

“Her name is Noelle.”