Toe the Line(52)

“Okay,” I conceded. “When do you want to do it?”

“This weekend.”

My chest tightened as she turned and walked out.

After Clancy and I got to the ice cream shop, I sat across from her, watching as she devoured her blueberry cone with rainbow sprinkles. She didn’t know what was about to hit her.

My sweet daughter was going to be blindsided by her parents in just a few short days.





CHAPTER 19


NOELLE


JASON GAVE ME a foot rub as I filled him in on my medical appointment earlier today.

“So…I spoke to my OBGYN this afternoon, and he said if I want the best chance at conceiving, I should probably move forward soon. Even though I’m still relatively young, it only gets more difficult with age.”

A couple of years ago, I’d been diagnosed with endometriosis. I was told it might complicate my ability to conceive and that the sooner I got on that, the better. I’d always hoped to have a child by thirty. Well, now I was thirty. I’d come to the conclusion that I needed to take matters into my own hands.

“I want to be sure you’re really okay with this before I commit,” I told him.

“Would that change anything?” he asked.

“No. But it makes me feel better to know you support me.”

“I do.” Jason squeezed my foot. “I’ve already told you that.”

He and I’d had many heart-to-hearts lately about my desire to have a child of my own. I no longer felt the need to be married in order to make that happen. Jason had two grown kids and no interest in starting over again, and he’d also had a vasectomy years ago. That was reversible, but he’d made it clear he wasn’t interested in having another child—or raising anyone else’s. I had to respect that.

To be honest, maybe that worked out better for me since it removed the pressure of worrying about how our relationship might impact anything. Having a child was something I wanted to do for me. Deep down I supposed it hurt a little that he’d ruled himself out as a potential father. It would’ve been nice to have that option, even if it probably wasn’t the best one. That said, I’d known what I was getting into when I started dating Jason. He’d always been transparent with me, which I appreciated.

When I expressed interest in seeking an anonymous sperm donor, I’d wondered if Jason would run the other way. It took a lot of confidence for a guy to accept his girlfriend having another man’s child—even if the man was anonymous. But Jason was nothing if not secure in himself. He oozed confidence, which was one of the reasons he was so successful, and one of the things I found so attractive about him. Thankfully, since I’d first told him what I wanted to do, he’d fully supported my decision.

“I spoke to the cryobank people today as well,” I continued. “I have some paperwork I need to fill out, but I paid the initial fee, so they gave me access to their database of options.”

“What are you going for?” he asked.

I tilted my head. “What do you mean?”

“Height, ethnicity, educational background—that kind of thing.”

“I’m not sure yet. Looks don’t matter to me so much, as long as the baby is healthy. But the number of options they give is overwhelming. They even show you some of the donors’ childhood photos. I mean, how do you choose?”

“I think it comes down to a gut feeling.” He massaged my heel.

I sighed. “Yeah, probably.”

As he continued to rub my feet, I looked down at my phone and noticed I’d received a new email. It was from Archie. My heart clenched. He and I hadn’t been in touch as often lately. I hadn’t told him about my plans to undergo intrauterine insemination. When I opened the email, my stomach dropped. I needed to read it in private.

Straightening suddenly, I pulled my feet back.

“Everything okay, babe?” Jason asked.

“Hmm?” I blinked.

“Is everything alright? You look like something upset you.”

“Yeah. Everything’s fine. I just need to…use the bathroom. Be right back.”

I headed down the small hallway in my apartment. Closing the bathroom door behind me, I opened the email again.



Hey Noelle,

I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch. There’s been a lot going on, and it’s time I filled you in. There’s no easy way to say it. Mariah and I are getting divorced.

I know this might come as a shock since I hadn’t told you we were having problems. But the truth is, there’s been trouble in paradise for quite a long time. I just haven’t wanted to admit it.

I don’t even know where to begin. We told Clancy tonight, and I feel like such a failure.

You and I haven’t spoken on the phone in ages, but this is all too much to write. If you have time to talk tonight or tomorrow evening, I’m around.

I hope everything is going okay with you. I saw a photo of you recently on Facebook, and you seemed really happy. It was so nice to see your face.

Hope to talk to you soon.

xo

Archie



When I returned to the living room, my boyfriend asked, “You good?”

The shock was likely written all over my face, so I had to be honest. “I got an email from my friend, Archie. I’ve told you about him.”