Beautiful Broken Rules (Broken, Series #1)(95)

Before we got out of earshot from him, Cole turned back for a second to face him. “I f*cking told you this would happen, you *. This is the exact f*cking moment I told you about, and you promised you could handle it. If you’re smart, you’ll stay away from her,” he growled.

I went lifeless in his arms; there was no reason to fight it anymore. Jaxon didn’t even try to keep me there with him. This was entirely my fault in so many ways I’d lost count. I was disappointed in myself for throwing my rules out the window for him. From the very beginning, I said that I wouldn’t be able to handle being a girlfriend and then he convinced me otherwise. Lesson learned, always follow your gut. But I was mostly disappointed in myself for letting that day get to me so much that I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me. I never imagined that relationships were like that. I never imagined the extreme joy you can experience. What I did know was how it felt when someone you love was ripped away from you; how gut wrenching it could feel. I should have stayed away from any possibility of ever feeling that again.

Cole had to carry me up to the apartment. When I hit the pillow on my bed, I immediately pulled my knees up to my chest and let all the pain out that I felt. I cried for losing my relationship with Jaxon, for losing a best friend, and lastly, for the loss of Emerson. Quinn had once said how she was enjoying Emerson and I now realize that I had begun to love her as well. Now I needed to learn only to be Em. Em didn’t let her heart break.

I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling for countless hours. Eventually that evening, Cole and Quinn came in to join me. They each lay on opposite sides of me. I loved having their comfort and support, but I also wanted to stew in my own mistakes alone.

“Emmy, you’re still coming to my game tomorrow, right?” Cole whispered in the dark.

“You know I can’t do that, Cole.”

“You have to. Fifty years down the road when people talk about how our school went to the championship and your best friend scored the winning touchdown,” he nudged me with his elbow and I knew he was talking about himself, “You’ll regret not going.”

“Well, I’ll just let seventy-one year old Em be mad then.”

“Please, Em, you’ve been talking about how exciting a championship game would be with Cole since freshman year. I know you’ll be sad you missed it,” Quinn said, squeezing my hand.

“I’ll think about it.”

For some reason, I would get bouts of crying at the most random moments. I could lay there talking to the two of them, when all of a sudden, a wave of immense pain would nail me in the face and I wouldn’t be able to breathe. While we were laying there in the quiet and darkness, a wave hit me and I gasped with a face full of tears. Cole reached for my hand while Quinn rubbed my arm and snuggled real close. I would get through this. I may not be the same on the other side, but these two people would get me through this. Then the realization that I had just lost Jace as a friend as well hit me with a fresh new round of tears, because how would I be able to look at him and not see Jaxon?

*.*.*.*.*

I had to work the early shift at the bar the next day, but Ed promised that I could make it in time for the second quarter. Last week, I was devastated that I would miss even a little bit of the game; this week I’m just devastated, so I could really care less how much I see. Quinn made me swear that I would come, and she even packed a bag with an outfit, shoes, and makeup for me. I didn’t even think about what I would wear, but it’s probably best not to show up to a stadium packed with guys, wearing a too-tight shirt that says ‘Nice Rack’ across the chest.