Beautiful Broken Rules (Broken, Series #1)(99)

I ended up finding this great big tree on the edge of campus that was an ideal place for eating lunch. Or in my case, just staring off into space not wanting any human contact and the occasional crying, although I’m not too proud about that. Julie, Jaxon’s mom, attempted to reach out and contact me a couple times after she found out what had happened. I tried to be polite and talk to her, but it was just too hard so I always found some excuse to get off the phone.

Ellie and Charles ended up going with me to the lawyer’s office to read over the contract for the account my parents had set up in my name. Charles was skeptical that it was real, and therefore demanded that he join in on the meeting so he could read over the fine print. The account ended up being legitimate, and I was basically set for the rest of my life. I guess I had my parents to thank for that.

I was still having a hard time dealing with the fact that I’d just spent the last six years of my life mad at the very parents who did everything to make my life better. My mom had always told me I should try for a career that makes me happy, not one that was all about the money. When I first started becoming interested in humanitarian journalism, I knew I wouldn’t be making the best living. Thanks to my parents, I wouldn’t have to worry about making my rent or any other payments while I was out traveling the world.

Almost a month had gone by and I was still surviving. I was almost back to a bearable state; I didn’t cry as often as I used to. He would never be out of my heart though. I’d always think of him as the strongest person to actually break through my walls. Why had I been so stupid? How could I have thought it was okay just to leave Jaxon that night, with Devon of all people? He was the best thing that had happened to me in years, and I had just walked away from him, even if only for a moment.

I’d become an expert at avoiding Jaxon and all of the places I knew he would be. Surprisingly, we never ran into each other at home either. Quinn would hang out with the guys at their apartment and every once in a while, Jace and Cole would come over to our place to hang out. I was sad for our little group; we had been so close and then I had to go and screw everything up. Now, we couldn’t even hang out together, all at the same time. I never asked about Jaxon and I never searched him out in crowds. I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle seeing him with a new girlfriend when he eventually started dating again.

Meanwhile, I was also having an eternal struggle with myself. I couldn’t be Emerson anymore because she would forever belong to Jaxon. I also couldn’t ever go back to sleeping around with every guy like Em did. I needed an in-between. Quinn and Cole had finally gotten me to go out again to a few parties. Once all the guys found out that Jaxon and I were no longer together, it took them a good two weeks to realize I wouldn’t be going upstairs with them anymore. I honestly couldn’t see myself being with anyone like that, I’d already had the best, and the rest would be second-rate. I was thankful that I didn’t ever see him at these parties, because I wouldn’t be able to handle them if he did.

It was hard enough staring at the back of his head in our journalism courses. Students would come up and talk to him; he even had two new girls that sat on either side of him, but I never really saw him actively engaging with them.

One day, as the professor was dismissing us and trying to add on more reading material, I watched as Tatum Johnson stood up in her seat next to him and kissed him on the cheek. Right then, I thought I was going to be sick all over my desk. I scrabbled to push my papers and books into my bag. When I stood up, I saw that Jaxon was staring right at me. I slammed my chair in and darted out the door.

I ran across campus. I couldn’t leave because I still had another class and Quinn had the car today, so I couldn’t go hide in there. I realized where I was subconsciously going, to my tree. I wish I had found this tree earlier in my time here at school. It was peaceful to lie under and just look up at the swirling of branches and intertwined leaves. It was so dense that the sun couldn’t seep through, which created this beautiful glow around the outer edges of the leaves. This was the perfect place to hide and calm down so that I didn’t I hurl in front of all my classmates. The girth of the tree trunk was wide; I could sit up against it on one side and no one would be able to see me. I always sat on the side opposite from campus; I didn’t want anyone to come bother me.