Forget About Midnight (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #9)(55)

“I hate myself,” I blurted, the confession refusing to be withheld. “For the things I’ve done. The things I’ll do. I don’t know who I am anymore, but right now, I hate myself.”

Arys winced as if I’d wounded him. Guilt shone in his eyes. “I want to be sorry that I made you this way, but I’m not. Because you’re here and not dead, and I can’t be sorry that you’re not dead.”

“Arys, this isn’t your fault. The things I’ve done, that’s all me.”

“It’s not though. It’s the light and dark battle going on inside you. It’s tormenting you, and part of that is my fault.” Guilt didn’t seem natural on Arys. It wasn’t right. I’d humanized him in our time together. We’d changed each other for both good and bad. Such a double-edged sword.

The sun was going to rise soon. I glanced toward the living room window both welcoming and dreading it. As good as it felt to be in Arys’s arms, I really did need some time completely alone.

Following my gaze Arys said, “I should go. I want to ask you to reconsider turning yourself in to the FPA, but I know you’re not going to. But know this: if Briggs doesn’t get you out, I’m coming in after you.”

My initial reaction was to protest, to remind him of what that building had done to him. His eyes flashed with venom for Briggs, and I knew he wouldn’t be dissuaded. So instead I just nodded, accepting that we couldn’t always control each other and shouldn’t even try.

“Ok,” I said with a small smile.

“Ok?” He echoed. “That was easy. Too easy. Now I’m suspicious.”

We shared a laugh, and after the hell we’d both been through, it felt so damn good. He rose and pulled me up with him. We stood in the kitchen, clinging to each other until the coming dawn drove us apart.

I followed him down the hall to the entryway with so many questions and comments that there was no time to voice. So I settled for another longing embrace that left me more confused than ever.

“Can I see you after sunset?” Arys looked so hopeful. It wasn’t like him to let his vulnerable side show.

“What about Jenner? It’s his last night here. Maybe you should be with him.”

Arys snickered. “So I can beat his ass for biting you tonight? Good idea.”

I couldn’t get anything past this vampire. I’d hate to meet the person who could outsmart Arys Knight. I doubted such a being existed.

“You can’t really blame him, Arys. We did that to him. Besides, I was the one in control of that situation. It was just a bite. I rejected his further advances.” I conveniently left out the part where I made Jenner swear no harm would come to Kale.

“I love the guy, really, but I’ll be relieved when he’s gone. He’s high maintenance.” Arys laughed and opened the door. The sky was beginning to lighten, shades of black that thinned with the approach of the sun.

He kissed me, a tender brush of lips that stirred my longing for him. Maybe one day we could love each other again without the ghosts of our many mistakes haunting us.

No sooner had I closed the door than the sound of my cell phone came from the kitchen. I sprinted down the hall to grab it, expecting it to be Jez or Briggs. It was Kale. Fuck.

“Please don’t be mad,” I said instead of the standard greeting. “I had to come home.”

A sigh in my ear was his initial response. “I’m not mad. I’m disappointed that every time something happens that you don’t want to deal with, you run. You ran to me, and now you’re running from me.”

I stood in the kitchen in front of the glass patio doors, watching the sky lighten. With the phone pressed to my ear, I nodded to myself, acknowledging the truth in his words. “You’re right. It feels like things are changing too fast, and I’d like to stick my head in the sand and pretend none of it is happening, but I can’t. I don’t want you to go to Vegas even though I know it will be good for both of us.” I squinted against the coming dawn. How long would I be able to stand there in the window before it grew bright enough to roast me?

“I’m not leaving without seeing you,” he said. “You have to give me that much.”

“Jenner has a flight booked. Two nights.”

“I know. I spoke with him a while ago.”

My heart sank. It was really happening. He was leaving. How many people in my life would I end up driving away? He wasn’t even the first.

Kale was quiet for a moment. There was no background noise, indicating he was at home rather than spending the day at The Wicked Kiss. It shouldn’t have mattered, but it did.

“Truth be told,” he said, “the more I think about it, the more I’m looking forward to Las Vegas. Jenner and I discussed the issues there. I feel like it will give me something positive to work toward. Keep me busy, you know?”

Las Vegas had many problems, including a vampire blood ring that had been trafficking humans, all kinds of humans, even kids. Arys and I had done what we could to throw a wrench into all that, but it was something that couldn’t be dealt with in just a few days. We’d left Jenner in charge of taking over the blood ring and making changes, such as supplying humans that deserved it, evil doers contributing nothing to society. Jenner had been reluctant, but with Kale along for the ride, I was confident they could achieve good things for Sin City.