Forget About Midnight (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #9)(50)

We all knew what I wasn’t saying: Kale needed to leave sooner rather than later, if that was his choice. His continued presence would just complicate things further.

I exchanged a look with Arys, who had the decency to drop his gaze in a show of guilt. He wasn’t sorry though. It wasn’t in his nature.

“What time does your flight leave?” I asked.

Jenner glanced at Arys. “Eight o’clock. I booked it as early as I could after sundown to make sure I get home well before sunrise. When you were talking to Briggs, I booked a ticket for Kale online. Same flight.”

All three of them were staring at me, awaiting a reaction. I couldn’t say for sure, but I thought Shaz was holding his breath. I wanted to lash out at Arys and shout at him for being such a selfish ass. This wasn’t the time or place for that.

With fists clenched, I said, “I’ll turn myself in after that flight leaves. Nobody is to speak a word of this to Kale.”

Arys scowled at the mention of Kale. Shaz’s expression was blank, but the way he stiffened and the sudden disgust that trickled from him spoke volumes. Their shared hatred for Kale caused me to recoil. I shrunk back against the car, feeling around for the door handle.

“You’re not leaving already, are you?” Shaz reached to grab my arm but jerked back as he second-guessed the motion.

Everything had changed. I felt it then, like a slap in the face. Like the f*cking elephant in the room. I had changed, and now so had my connection with everyone else. It was disheartening.

“Yeah, I think I am. I’m not ready for this. Sorry, guys.”

I cast my gaze over the parking lot, lingering on a group of giggling young women near the door. I’d gone from opposing the blood bordello to becoming the madam of it and, tonight, an attempt at being a participant. Everything was so f*cked up.

“You can’t keep avoiding us, Alexa. The three of us need to talk.” Arys stood there with his hands in his jean pockets, looking perfectly restrained.

I might have believed that once. I knew him now. He was trying to tread lightly, but he wanted to throw down and let me have it for leaving him hanging for a week while I ran amok with Kale. He probably deserved to do it too, as did Shaz. But I wasn’t up to having them make me feel like shit for my poor choices right then.

“Not here,” I said. “Somebody killed one of Dayne’s wolves. So I had to make an example of someone to keep my alliance. It would be pretty shitty if anyone saw the king and queen having this awkward moment out here.”

“Are you running back to Kale then?” Shaz asked, a challenge in his tone and pain in his eyes. “Every night that you’ve been with him, we’ve been waiting for you to come to your senses. Is that ever going to happen?”

I didn’t feel like I should have to explain myself to them. But they both stood there waiting for it. My hand shook on the car door handle. I felt defensive, like I wanted to tell them both to go to hell. Instead I tried to see it from their point of view and failed.

“I’ve been trying to come to terms with the fact that I died and the person who killed me took immense joy in it. If that doesn’t qualify me for a little insanity, then I don’t know what does. You don’t have to like my choices. You can hate that I ran to the one person I felt safe with. But don’t you dare judge me. Neither of you have the right.”

Arys looked absolutely tragic, like I’d reached into his chest and grabbed hold of his heart. A muscle in his jaw twitched, one of his few tells. On the outside he was composed, but emotion ripped him up inside.

“Lex, don’t you think this is killing him too?” Shaz gestured to Arys. “You two need to talk. We all do. You can’t keep running from us.”

There had once been a time when I never would’ve believed that Shaz would come to Arys’s defense, especially against me. It should have been a good thing. My death had united them the way nothing else could have. I should be happy. But I felt like the dynamic between us had shifted, making me the odd one out.

“Guys, I think you need to back off Alexa a little.” To my surprise, Jenner came to my defense. “It’s only been a week. Chill out.”

“Exactly,” Arys said through clenched teeth. “Only a week, and we’re both losing our f*cking minds. Bodies are dropping. The Feds are watching us, and Juliet f*cking O’Brien has gotten herself locked up. There’s no time to chill out.”

I touched Jenner’s arm, a brief touch to show that I appreciated the gesture. “I’m not having this conversation here.”

Running out on them might not have been the best choice, but I was quickly becoming overwhelmed. Shaz had no intention of letting me do that. He did grab hold of me then, and with fangs bared, a growl rumbled in his throat.

“I’m not letting you walk away. I get that you’re suffering right now, but you’re not the only one. You don’t get to shut us out and make this all about you. We’re affected by this too, Lex.” Shaz held tight to my arm. The Alpha wolf in him stared out at me through his jade eyes, an unspoken dare.

“Let me go,” I snapped. Then trying again in a softer tone, I added, “Please.”

“No.” Shaz shook his blond head and tightened his hold. “I’m not letting you shut us out anymore. Talk to us, Alexa.”

His persistence was both surprising and annoying. The wolf in me was impressed with his forcefulness, but the vampire side of me recoiled. Having someone put his hands on me against my will brought forth my sense of self-preservation. If Shaz didn’t let up, I was going to hurt him.