Forget About Midnight (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #9)(52)

I lingered in the doorway on my way out. For just a moment I was tempted to go to his bedroom and breathe in the scent of the bed where we’d made love so recently. I wanted him imprinted on my memory forever.

I thought about the previous day and the way he’d come to me when I’d slipped away to call Jenner and Juliet. He’d looked so sure that our time was coming to an end. He was right.

As I left Kale’s neighborhood for what I was sure would be the last time, I waited to feel some kind of emotion. Tears should be welling; my hands should be shaking. But I just felt hollow inside, void of feeling. Numb.

I cranked up the local rock station to drown out any thoughts that might plague me, but my mind remained blank. It was easier to shut down than it was to feel.

The route home was still etched in my memory. I followed the highway down to the small town I’d known and loved for so many years. Going through the motions of each turn and intersection, I expected everything to feel different now that I was different. It didn’t. I couldn’t decide whether that was a good thing or not.

Town was quiet at this late hour. It often was. I passed only one car as I made my way home. For a brief moment, I wondered who was inside and where they were headed. What was their story?

I knew the instant I turned into my driveway that he was there, before I even laid eyes on his old, rarely driven Firebird. Deep inside, I felt him.

Arys sat on the front step of my house. He was alone. Here it was, that moment I’d been both dreading and craving: our first encounter without the awkward comfort of friends present to keep things from spiraling out of control.

After parking the Charger in front of the garage, I took a moment to steel myself, knowing that, if anything were to break my careful calm, it would be Arys. I hadn’t really expected he’d let me run off on him. It wasn’t who he was.

“Arys, I don’t think this is such a good idea.” It probably wasn’t the greeting he hoped for, but it was as good as it was going to get. “We shouldn’t be alone together. Not yet.”

“Why not? Because you’re not ready?” He rose with a sigh and rubbed both palms on his jeans. “You’ll never be ready, Alexa. And I’m done with waiting. I’ve given you time, but you’ll never adjust without me. You’ll just drive us both insane.”

“How did you know I would come home?” I asked, stopping several feet from the front step where he waited.

He shrugged, then his shoulders sagged heavily. “You know how. Can we just talk? Please?”

I dropped my bag on the ground, tossing the Dragon Claw down beside it. “What is there to talk about? You killed me. You loved it. I can’t seem to get over that. End of story.”

“Like hell it is. You seem to be forgetting that I had to kill you. You demanded it. I didn’t want to. Not when the time finally came.” He crossed his arms and pinned me with a piercing stare. His posture was rigid with tension.

Logically I knew that there was more to the situation than my dumbed down version. Still, all I could think about when I met his fierce gaze was the utter joy and bliss he’d experienced as I died in his arms. How could I go on like that hadn’t happened?

“I know that, ok? I do. But I felt what you felt, Arys. I know that you love me, and I know that you loved killing me. It’s hard for me to wrap my mind around that. I don’t think I even want to.”

“Then don’t. Just let it go so we can move on.” When I scoffed at that, he added, “I’m not going to apologize because we both know I’m not sorry. It had to be done. You know it as well as I do. But what I am sorry for is how it made you feel. If I’d known it would break you this way, if I’d thought for a moment it would drive this wedge between us, I’d never have done it.”

“That’s a lie.”

We stood there in the dark with only the stars and half moon shining down on us. The emotional wall that I’d built back at Kale’s was beginning to crumble. Too soon. I stared at Arys, feeling cheated by fate. Again I was reminded of Lilah’s declaration that the twin flame bond was a curse.

“Let’s go inside and talk, Alexa. Please.” When I didn’t respond, he exploded in a burst of frustration. “What do you want from me? What can I possibly do to make this right with you?”

“Leave me alone,” I whispered, cringing as the words left me.

In contrast to my numbed out state, Arys was a storm of emotion. It poured from him in waves of anguish and despair. He came off the front step, moving toward me with fury-driven steps. I braced myself when he grabbed me by both arms and shook me.

“Tell me one thing, and I will walk away. Just one thing.” He peered into me, searching my eyes for some sign of the woman he knew. “Tell me that, when he touched you, it wasn’t me you were thinking about.”

Another chink in my wall. How did he know? With my lips pressed tight together, I shook my head, unable to speak.

Arys grew frazzled. He shook me again, this time using a hand under my chin to force me to meet his gaze. “If you can honestly tell me that you didn’t think about me while he was inside you, then I’m gone. But if not, then we are far from done here.”

“Arys, don’t. Please don’t do this.” My fragile wall broke away brick by brick until it took great effort to hold myself together.