Confessions of a Curious Bookseller(24)
From: Tabitha Birchill
Sent: Tue, Dec 18, 2018 at 12:40 PM
To: Fawn Birchill
Subject: How are things?
My dear Fawn,
How are things faring this holiday season? Florence tells me you are holding a special sale. I have been very busy with your father. Over the last two days he has shown some improvement, but I fear that it is only because he loves Christmas and is expecting to be taken home. It’s heartbreaking.
Nothing is new here. The neighbors bought a new mailbox, and Harriett Winfield finally quit at the grocery store to take care of her mother full time. Do you remember her? I always pictured bigger things for her. Florence is taking Little Joe to a vocal intensive in the Poconos in the next few days. He is really improving, and I am so proud of him.
Hope you are well. Are you getting my coupons?
Mother
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Tue, Dec 18, 2018 at 2:00 PM
To: Tabitha Birchill
Re: How are things?
Mother,
The sale is going really well, thank you! This is probably the busiest Christmas yet on record, and I think it is compounded by the plethora of Mark Twain books I have acquired. I know Tom Sawyer is your favorite novel of his, and I may have one or two left if you would like me to put one aside for you. (Just let me know soon!) I am glad Father is improving slightly. The cold can be rough on the elderly. How are you faring? How is Beaker? Is he still ripping his feathers out? I can’t imagine what makes him so neurotic. It’s just about the easiest life to be a bird and have to do nothing but sit in a cage and eat seeds. He’s practically the queen of England.
Speaking of, do you know where in England our family originated? I am going on a date with an Irishman, and I want to sound somewhat in touch with my background for he is very in touch with his. He is tall with dark hair and bright blue eyes. He has very strong cheekbones, and when he talks he likes to scratch the back of his neck. I think he is a tad younger than me, but I think once you get into your midfifties, ten years or so has less of an impact.
Florence may have mentioned to you that there is a new bookstore down the street, but business has been so good that it’s as if it isn’t even there. It might as well be selling anchovies with the impact it has had on my store. I was a little worried at first, but time revealed that there was simply nothing to worry about. Things are looking up!
Also, yes, I am getting the coupons and I truly appreciate them—especially the funny comics you send. It is nice to get things like that in the mail. Thank you.
Much love,
Fawn
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Tue, Dec 18, 2018 at 7:09 PM
To: Staff
Subject: Holiday Party
Dear Staff,
We will close at three o’clock on the twenty-fourth and reopen on the twenty-sixth. We will also close at three o’clock on the thirty-first and reopen on the second (though I will be here working all those days, so if anyone would like to join me, they are most welcome).
Also, I will be hosting a company holiday party January 2. Yes, it will be after the holidays, because I believe we must first focus on those big sales before we can sit back and relax over some mulled wine. Location details to follow, but please RSVP!
Fawn, Owner
phillysmallbiz.com
Tue, Dec 18, 2018
Top Review—The Curious Cat Book Emporium
When I go into stores to buy stuff, it never occurs to me that I might witness a murder, but I did today. It was between a cat and a mouse, and it was horrifying. Basically, I walk into this store, and on my way to the history section is this big yellowish cat batting around this squeaking, defenseless little mouse. I like, tell the cat to stop, but it won’t listen. Instead it sits on the mouse and stares at me! And then when the cat is like, sure I won’t intervene, it starts beating the mouse again. I even got pics of it because I couldn’t believe how long it was going on for. Seriously, it took like ten minutes for the thing to die. Maybe not something to have on display for your customers to see?
Traumatized.
—Juanita A.
phillysmallbiz.com
Tue, Dec 18, 2018
Dear Juanita A.,
Given that this is an old building and mice are extremely common in places such as this, it is an inevitable fact of life. Butterscotch, having been declawed, is relatively harmless unless you are a tiny mouse. And that, Juanita, is simply the way the world works.
The fact that Butterscotch did not kill the mouse right away but tortured it with his useless mitten-paws, bludgeoning it and sitting upon it until it expired, is simply his killing technique. His previous owners cruelly declawed him, so he must resort to these tactics. True, he could simply take the mouse’s neck in his teeth and kill it quickly, but Butterscotch enjoys the sport of it. Aside from ripping the already brain-dead mouse from Butterscotch’s grasp, there is nothing we can do but watch or simply walk away, which is exactly what you probably should have done instead of taking photos of the murder on your iPhone and posting them on PSB.
By the way, did you happen to find the book you were looking for?
Best,
Fawn, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a Mark Twain specialist store)
From: Tabitha Birchill
Sent: Tue, Dec 18, 2018 at 9:12 PM
To: Fawn Birchill
Re: How are things?
Dear Fawn,
I’m so glad you’re enjoying the coupons and comics! I’ll keep them coming.