Confessions of a Curious Bookseller(27)
Best,
Fawn, Owner
From: Angela Washington
Sent: Fri, Dec 21, 2018 at 6:38 PM
To: Fawn Birchill, Staff
Re: Staff Cuts
Wait, so is somebody being fired?
—A
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Fri, Dec 21, 2018 at 6:56 PM
To: Staff
Re: Staff Cuts
Dear Staff,
No, I am not firing anyone! This is temporary—only for the twenty-sixth through the twenty-eighth. I assure you, no one is being let go! Apologies for the vagueness.
Besides, why would I announce that I am firing someone and then immediately invite them to the holiday party? They would definitely not be invited!
Best,
Fawn, Owner
phillysmallbiz.com
Fri, Dec 21, 2018
Top Review—The Grumpy Mug Bookstop
Where do I begin? I must confess that the owner of the Curious Cat Book Emporium contacted me and informed me that she received a scathing, threatening letter from Mark, the owner of the Grumpy Mug Bookstop, about my review of his store on phillysmallbiz.com. Have we honestly all lost our collective minds? Has the time come when a customer can no longer write an honest review about a store without starting a war? Or throwing the threatened owner (Mark) into a fit of such jealousy that instead of focusing on his store, he must write a letter to a competitor because he was unhappy with how I felt? Why do you feel the need to blame Fawn for this, Mark? It is a true indication of your character that you find it so difficult to take criticism—truer still when you accuse Fawn of this. The woman does not have the resources you have and therefore doesn’t have time to field your insecure little emails.
Get a life, Mark Nilsen! And focus on your store, please. It could use the attention.
—Sybil C.
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Fri, Dec 21, 2018 at 10:23 PM
To: Staff
Subject: Please help
Sam and Kyle,
I have fashioned a lovely green poster from CVS with cutout bold neon-pink lettering that says GREAT DEALS THIS WAY! First thing tomorrow, I need you to come in and trade off sign duty every hour. I thought things would pick up as we approached Christmas, but I seem to be dreadfully wrong. If a neon sign doesn’t do it, then our customers are either blind or completely lost to us. I am holding out hope that they are merely awestruck by the opening of Mark’s cheap store and will come to their senses. Perhaps this sign will help sway them and let them know that we are not fooling around.
Many thanks!
Fawn, Owner
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Sat, Dec 22, 2018 at 5:19 PM
To: Florence Eakins
Subject: Thank you!
Dear Florence,
I received the Christmas package! Thank you in advance—I will not open it until Christmas!! I, too, have sent you a box, so please let me know when you get it. Don’t have the kids lift it—it is very heavy.
Sales are really out of control this season. My extensive Mark Twain collection is to thank for that!
Has Mother told you about the man I’m seeing? He is Irish American and quite beautiful, though I’m not sure how long the relationship will last. I tend to favor men with a little more sophistication and worldly wisdom. He is not much of a reader, but his South Philadelphia accent is dreamy. Also, he turns heads on a dime. We shall see!
Has Joseph been able to find a deal on a new microwave? My “Start” button has become questionable, so I must walk over to my tenant’s across the hall and use hers. It is helpful, however, that she is ninety-six and thinks that I’m her daughter visiting from Hawaii. It’s a win-win for all! Funny she doesn’t question why her daughter from Hawaii only stops in for two minutes, heats up wet cat food, and then disappears.
Aloha!
Best,
Fawn
From: O’Hare Repair
Sent: Sat, Dec 22, 2018 at 6:07 PM
To: Fawn Birchill
Re: Business Arrangement
Hi Fawn,
I’m sorry, but I can’t reconsider going on a date. If you ever need plumbing, though, please keep me in mind.
Cahill
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Sat, Dec 22, 2018 at 7:08 PM
To: O’Hare Repair
Re: Business Arrangement
Dear Mr. O’Hare,
I understand. Thank you for your professionalism. I enjoyed our short-lived chats very much. If you happen to change your mind, you know where to find me: wrapped up in a blanket with tea, a book, and Butterscotch (the cat, not the food).
Happy holidays!
Fawn
From: Fawn Windsor
Sent: Sat, Dec 22, 2018 at 10:09 PM
To: Gregory Harris
Subject: Happy Christmas!
Dear Gregory,
The Christmas season is fast approaching, so I wanted to send you a brief hullo for the holidays before I go on radio silence until January. Funny that I will be wishing you happy Christmas for the thirty-ninth time since your message attached to that balloon landed on my uncle’s farm in Pennsylvania and we became pen pals. So advantageous that I happened to be visiting from the UK and equally so that I was able to pry the balloon strand quickly from that goat’s mouth before it choked and perished! I still have the little note to this day, though I’ve memorized it: Dear Whoever:
Will you be my pen pal? I have no siblings—just a dog—and I’m homeschooled.