Confessions of a Curious Bookseller(25)
Regarding our family background, I don’t know much about my mother’s since, as you know, she was adopted, but my father’s side is supposed to have been from England, I believe. Your father’s side hails from Southampton, England, and he’s always said there was a nobility connection somewhere in the past—not the Birchill name but another name that escapes me. Phipps maybe? In any case, I hope that answers your questions. Take the nobility rumor with a grain of salt. I fear it is something that many people like to claim about themselves to be true.
Much love,
Mother
Dear Fawn,
Please tell my daughter that the beef thing that was left in my refrigerator last night was good but that I don’t like peanuts. I think peanuts were in there. In any case, it was still good once I picked them out. Please tell her thank you.
—Jane, your tenant
From: O’Hare Repair
Sent: Wed, Dec 19, 2018 at 8:45 PM
To: Fawn Birchill
Re: Business Arrangement
Hi Fawn,
I’m flattered and I appreciate it but I got to decline the offer. Its my policy not to date my customers.
Thank you,
Cahill
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Wed, Dec 19, 2018 at 8:56 PM
To: O’Hare Repair
Re: Business Arrangement
Dear Cahill,
I appreciate your honesty and your gentlemanly rule to never fraternize with customers. I can see how that would be a potential lawsuit waiting to happen. If we had perhaps gone on a date and happened to have feelings for each other, and somewhere down the line I were to leave you, I could perhaps use our history to get free work out of you. Or perhaps I could say that you were inappropriate not as a boyfriend but in a business setting. This I understand.
However, rarely do I experience such chemistry with a person, and though I’m not sure if it was requited, I would like to think that it could be. Hypothetically speaking, let’s say we met in Paris on a moonlit path by the Seine. If I were not your customer, would you consider me fair game? Rereading that, I realize it sounds as if I’m proposing that you might force yourself on me, which is not at all the intention. I suppose what I meant was that if there were no strings attached in our already stringy relationship, would you ever consider me to be more than a friend?
According to my mother, my family is originally from Southampton, and we have ties to British nobility, which may explain some of my eccentricities and rather expensive taste for things. Wouldn’t it be a match if we were to get together after knowing this! Wasn’t it the crown that committed all those atrocities to your people? To think that you would be consorting with the enemy! We would have a regular Romeo and Juliet story on our hands.
Please reconsider?
Sincerely,
Fawn
phillysmallbiz.com
Thu, Dec 20, 2018
Top Review—The Curious Cat Book Emporium
I was so happy to go in and find The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. It is such a wonderful story and highly underrated. All right, now on to the true matter of this message! I am curious to find out if the owner is married. Does anyone know? I have a lovely, handsome, wealthy cousin who was recently made a widower due to an equestrian accident. I just know he and the lovely owner—who looks so much like Keira Knightley—would get along splendidly.
Also, I must divulge and confess! I was at the Grumpy Mug earlier this week, and their bathrooms are atrocious! They smell like a filthy porta potty, and the coffee they sell tastes like it was made with dirty dishwater and filtered with an old cheesecloth. Their cats look like inbred barn dwellers, and the owner is a total snob that probably doesn’t even read what he sells. There! I feel relieved of my burden. Let the people hear the truth and make of it what they wish.
—Sybil C.
phillysmallbiz.com
Thu, Dec 20, 2018
Dear Sybil C.,
Once again, you flatter me!
In answer to your question: I am not married and therefore am open to finding the right person. I obviously don’t know your cousin and have no idea what he looks like, but if he is half of what you have described, he sounds like a wonderful man; please do bring him by. I am sorry to hear about his wife. I imagine that horse-riding accidents are among the greatest causes of nobility deaths in England.
Once again, I do not believe that I look a thing like Keira Knightley. She is much younger and more demure than I could ever hope to be, but if you must use her to describe me to your cousin, then I will not object to it. Incidentally, I have recently discovered that my family is British nobility (now far removed in these modern times), so perhaps we would have more in common than previously thought?
Regarding the store down the street, I understand that it is not to your taste, but please do not say such things about it, as they are unable to defend themselves. I understand you are championing my bookstore and that you are its greatest fan, but please, my dear Sybil, let’s try to stay positive for them, as no doubt they are struggling to lure customers in these questionable economic times.
Sincerely,
Fawn, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a Mark Twain specialist store)
December 20
Hi Fawn,
I wanted to send the Chopin CD back to you since it was just collecting dust, and now that Little Joe is obsessed with playing the Josh Groban CD 24-7, it’s only getting in the way. I think I have the entire CD memorized. Yesterday he came down the stairs and insisted we all call him Josh. Ugh. In any case, I hope this CD is still in good shape.