Confessions of a Curious Bookseller(21)
Yours in business,
Fawn Birchill, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a Mark Twain specialist store)
P.S. My name is Fawn, not Fern. I understand how you can confuse the two, but one is a lowlying leafy plant and the other is an elegant, forest-dwelling deer. Surely I remind you of the latter? Just think of me thusly and it will be easier for your memory.
Dear Fawn,
My daughter stopped leaving the bags of food in my refrigerator. She is hard to reach at times, so can you please ask her to leave the bags again?
—Jane, your tenant
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Sat, Dec 15, 2018 at 10:17 PM
To: O’Hare Repair
Subject: Business Arrangement
Dear O’Hare Repair,
Greetings! I am writing to inquire about your prices. You may have heard of my bookstore, the Curious Cat Book Emporium, located in West Philadelphia steps from the Green Line. I mainly focus on old, used books; some are rare and extremely valuable, which is partly the reason that I am writing.
I live just above the store in a spacious Victorian apartment (I believe it was the maid’s quarters for the family that was downstairs over a hundred years ago). It is dusty, and it tends to be cold in the winter but rather cool in the summer. I get a lot of light, and the hardwood floors are stunning and in great shape for their age. The bathroom is decorated with white porcelain tiles, and the bath is an old marble claw-foot. Before you start thinking I’m only writing to brag about the romantic quarters in which I live, I must say that the toilet in the customer bathroom has been leaking for quite some time, and what has now developed could arguably be described as damage to the floor’s integrity. In addition, my claw-foot has been leaking black water onto my fiction section for some time. I realized this when I went down to get Jane Austen’s Emma and found that she was covered in black mold. She, Louisa May Alcott, and Hans Christian Andersen were just wet with sludgy decay. How long they have been enduring these harsh conditions I’ll never know.
Perhaps this week you can stop by and let me know how quickly this can be remedied? Our Christmas season has begun, and any mishap may cost me an important sale. Additionally, I saw my cat, Butterscotch, catching the black liquid with his tongue. There is simply nothing this cat won’t eat! Do you think this will harm him?
Thank you very much for your time.
Sincerely,
Fawn, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a Mark Twain specialist store)
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Sat, Dec 15, 2018 at 11:54 PM
To: Jacob Whitney
Subject: Mark Twain is overstaying his welcome
Dear Mr. Whitney,
I am starting to wonder if you have changed your email address, as I still haven’t heard from you. Yesterday, two of your Mark Twain books sold. If you take the inventory back at this point, I will call that much a profit so you would not have to pay me back for the two books. I had hoped to sell many more than that, but given the weak selection, I am not surprised.
Please respond and let me know when you can collect your books. I check the mailbox each day with the hope that I will find my money returned. Incidentally I’ve developed a leak in my ceiling (the Twain books are fine), and I fear it will cost me money I don’t have to repair.
Sincerely,
Fawn Birchill, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a Mark Twain specialist store)
Dear Fawn,
Thank you for asking my daughter to make the food again. The spaghetti heated up well. She dislikes spaghetti, so it was a wonder she made it. I really do like it very much.
—Jane, your tenant
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Sun, Dec 16, 2018 at 7:15 PM
To: O’Hare Repair
Re: Business Arrangement
Dear Mr. O’Hare,
Thank you for stopping by and taking a look at the leak. After much consideration, I’ve decided that I can afford your services if we can make some kind of arrangement. As $500 is a lot of money for anyone to spend on a leak around the holidays, would you be interested in knocking the price down by one hundred if I were to throw in a third edition The Adventures of Tom Sawyer? It is a most excellent book that adults and children alike can enjoy. I know you mentioned you are not the bookish type, but perhaps your young sons would like it for Christmas? If you think about it, it would be at absolutely no cost to you, and you’d be helping out a local business owner around the holidays who is already quite strapped.
Also, thank you for your help and concern with Butterscotch. I believe you are correct when you say he ingests much worse on a daily basis just by being a cat.
I look forward to hearing from you. By the way, Cahill is a lovely name. Is it Irish? I love the Irish. I grew up down the street from a large Irish Catholic family who said they were originally from Cork. They had dark hair and blue eyes like you, so perhaps you are related? Food for thought!
Sincerely,
Fawn
December 16
Dear Fawn,
Enclosed please find a coupon for cat food. I know you feed the alley cats the premium stuff, but they are just strays, and the fact that you are feeding them at all should be enough. Food is food, right? Especially when you are a street cat. Also, I thought this Far Side comic was cute.
Mother
phillysmallbiz.com
Sun, Dec 16, 2018
Top Review—The Curious Cat Book Emporium