Confessions of a Curious Bookseller(18)
Re: Decorations?
Sam,
What I believe is not important. The idea of inclusion of all people is all that I care about.
Fawn, Owner
From: Angela Washington
Sent: Wed, Dec 12, 2018 at 11:01 PM
To: Fawn Birchill, Staff
Re: Decorations?
Oh, come on!!!!11 Sam’s Jewish, and I’m a Baptist. Kyle???
—A
From: Kyle Krazinsky
Sent: Wed, Dec 12, 2018 at 11:02 PM
To: Fawn Birchill, Staff
Re: Decorations?
Kyle is trying to sleep. Phone is going off.
Kyle
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Wed, Dec 12, 2018 at 11:05 PM
To: Staff
Re: Decorations?
Kyle, Angela, Sam,
Fine. I dabbled in paganism in college and studied witchcraft shortly thereafter. If I were to say what I am now, I am an agnostic who believes that if there is a God, he is definitely a man because of how badly women are put together.
Fawn, Owner
From: Angela Washington
Sent: Wed, Dec 12, 2018 at 11:13 PM
To: Fawn Birchill, Staff
Re: Decorations?
Fawn,
I still think the snow machine idea is the best idea. Also, I just did a double take on that last email about women being put together badly. WTF? LOL. But seriously . . . ?
—A
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Wed, Dec 12, 2018 at 11:30 PM
To: Staff
Re: Decorations?
Angela,
That might work. How much is it to rent per day from your father? I doubt the Grumpy Mug will have this in their arsenal!
Fawn, Owner
P.S. I’m sorry. I meant nothing by it. I was mostly referring to the ridiculousness of monthly bleeding. I’m not sure how well that worked out for us in our caveman days as we traipsed across the African savanna smelling like blood to any lions or leopards nearby. We must have been as enticing as a street-taco truck to a college kid. On the other hand, perhaps the fact that women survived that is indeed a testament to how strong we are!
From: Sam Asimov
Sent: Wed, Dec 12, 2018 at 11:39 PM
To: Fawn Birchill, Staff
Re: Decorations?
Hi Fawn,
Okay, I think I got this figured out. Let’s just put everything together to to make this super PC. No single religion is thrown into some back room. Also, let’s include your Wiccan background! Why not?/ I’m sure there are cool things to display in that regard.
Also holiday music! – Hanukkah and Christma for sure. We need that.
Sam
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Wed, Dec 12, 2018 at 11:45 PM
To: Staff
Re: Decorations?
Sam,
I think putting the Kwanzaa candles and menorah next to the tree is a fire hazard. There is a safety issue here that goes beyond the idea of being fair to all belief structures. Therefore, I will stick with the idea of putting them all in separate rooms.
I also think that including any Wiccan paraphernalia in the scene might confuse and anger people, so I will opt to leave that out. Also, are you drinking while writing to your boss?
Fawn, Owner
From: Angela Washington
Sent: Wed, Dec 12, 2018 at 11:54 PM
To: Fawn Birchill, Staff
Re: Decorations?
No one would know any different. You said yourself that Christmas comes from the pagans or whatever.
—A
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Thu, Dec 13, 2018 at 12:10 AM
To: Staff
Re: Decorations?
Kyle, Sam, Angela,
A final decision has been made. Thank you all for your after-hours assistance with this! We will have a tree in the front foyer, a menorah in the romance section, and a Kwanzaa display in the future Mark Twain Room. We will hang a cinnamon besom near the door and put pine-scented rings in the lighting fixtures. We will wrap garland around the staircase banisters, and Angela’s father will stop by and blow some snow onto the front walkway. Kyle, I will need you to shovel because of my back.
Sam suggested a mixture of Hanukkah and Christmas music, so he will put together a playlist. Please, no Adam Sandler.
Additionally, I have purchased some mini reindeer antlers for Butterscotch. If you see him trying to remove them, let me know. He always has such an incomprehensible problem with them.
Fawn, Owner
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Thu, Dec 13, 2018 at 12:30 AM
To: Florence Eakins
Subject: Christmas!
Dear Florence,
It was so nice to hear back from you, and sorry it’s taken me this long to reply. I’m glad to hear that Joseph is doing well. Forgive me; I thought he was still in the perfume section. I see his move as a definitive step up for his masculinity, and I’m sure he agrees. Spraying eau de toilette on old ladies’ baggy necks can’t be very rewarding or confidence boosting.
This is by far the busiest holiday season we’ve had. I should have asked to have the Mark Twain collection shipped after Christmas, but something told me they would go faster if they were put into inventory before the holidays. Call it retail common sense. So I’ve worked myself into a pretty corner where not only are we receiving the shipment tomorrow morning, but we have to have the entire store fully decorated Saturday night. I can’t believe there is only a week left before Christmas!