Confessions of a Curious Bookseller(32)
Is this because of the feces incident? I want to let you know that I did not place the feces in front of your store. I wouldn’t put the act past one of my dangerously loyal employees, however, and if that was the case then I apologize. Please note that I can be fined for having trash (a health hazard) in front of my place of business.
Yours in business,
Fawn Birchill, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a The Adventures of Tom Sawyer specialist store)
P.S. I can’t help but notice that the events you are holding in your store, quite late at night, seem to be rather boisterous for a weeknight. Often the events wake me on the rare occasions that I am actually able to go to sleep. Might it be possible for you to ask them to not be so loud, as it is a predominantly residential block?
From: Mark Nilsen
Sent: Sat, Dec 29, 2018 at 4:23 PM
To: Fawn Birchill
Re: Garbage
Hi Fawn,
The sanitation workers must have failed to pick that one up. It was also a windy day, so it’s possible it just blew out of the truck while it was going down the street. I’m sorry it landed on your property. I can’t believe I have to say this, but in the future please don’t go through our garbage.
Thanks,
Mark
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Thu, Jan 3, 2019 at 8:14 AM
To: Staff
Subject: Holiday Party
Dear Staff,
For those of you who showed up to the party, thank you. Thank you to Kyle and Aiden, who both stayed for most of the party, and to Angela, who showed up for an hour, drank most of the wine, and left. I purchased a lot of pizza and a fair number of libations for this party, so I would appreciate it if you could take some of it home after work tomorrow. Sam, I don’t know where you were (you told me that you would be there), but you truly missed out on a lovely wintry evening full of mirth and merriment. We even played a few quick rounds of charades where I impersonated a snake by dancing like one of those belly dancers. No one got it! What fun!
Happy holidays!
Fawn, Owner
January 3, 2019
My store is falling apart, and I don’t know what to do. Last night I came downstairs to the heater making loud banging noises. I turned it off and tried to turn it back on, but now it won’t turn on.
I dragged my two space heaters up from the basement. One I gave to Jane, asking that she does not so much as walk by it, as it is such a fire hazard. No doubt she’s already forgotten what it is. I am imagining her pushing it out of her way and innocently turning it toward the wall or her curtains. Needless to say, I don’t plan on sleeping tonight. For now the other space heater is keeping me warm, but I do not know what I’ll do when the store opens. Space heaters and books do not mix.
To make matters worse, Mark is having one of his events again. He clearly did not tell his customers to keep it down, as they are loud as ever.
Luckily for me, I found a bottle of wine in my cabinet that I didn’t know I had. I am drinking it now. I hope it will calm me.
It isn’t always this way, but there are days, and they are becoming more frequent, when I ask myself why I’m still doing this. I don’t know sometimes. I don’t know.
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Fri, Jan 4, 2019 at 6:05 AM
To: Angela Washington
Subject: Posting
Angela,
It has been over a week since my posting, and I haven’t heard anything from a single person. Perhaps we did it wrong? And I know things take time, but this is ridiculous. Do you think it is my picture? It is the only one I have of myself that is decent, but now that I think about it, that hat with the bird on it makes me look like a kook. Would you help me tweak a few things? I’ll pay you extra.
Fawn, Owner
P.S. Please do not tell the boys.
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Fri, Jan 4, 2019 at 7:45 AM
To: Staff
Subject: Space Heaters
Dear Staff,
Please do not move the space heaters. I have positioned them specifically so they will not burn the building down. This morning I came downstairs to find one of them turned off (thankfully!) but facing the Tom Sawyer books. Need I point out that is not a viable way of getting rid of them?
Thank you for your cooperation,
Fawn, Owner
From: Kyle Krazinsky
Sent: Fri, Jan 4, 2019 at 8:02 AM
To: Fawn Birchill, Staff
Re: Space Heaters
Hey Fawn,
Maybe you’re sleepwalking? We definitely didn’t touch it.
Kyle
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Fri, Jan 4, 2019 at 8:15 AM
To: Staff
Re: Space Heaters
Dear Staff,
I have never sleepwalked before. Although, I suppose since I’ve lived alone these many years, I would not know.
Is everyone certain that they have no knowledge of how to fix a heater? Or do you know someone who could cut me a deal?
Fawn, Owner
January 6, 2019
As strange as it is to admit, I hope Mark is the saboteur. He is an enemy I understand and can go toe-to-toe with. By the very nature of what he does, I inherently understand him more than he could ever know, and perhaps because of that he understands me. Truly, I hope he isn’t the culprit of this latest rash of tomfoolery, because I don’t want us to be enemies. I never did.
But if it has to be someone, let it be him. Better him than Missy from Missy’s Co-op or those losers at Fortieth Street Catering. Or Richard—though I doubt he has the energy to do much of anything against me when he’s busy drooling over the freight trains at the Schuylkill like some simpleton.