Before I Saw You(41)



‘Yes, certainly.’ He shook Sarah’s hand earnestly and Alice couldn’t help but register a genuine sense of relief in his demeanour.

Sarah didn’t even pause for breath before the interrogation began. ‘So, what’s the latest? How is she healing? There was mention of another surgery, I believe?’

‘Oh, right. Yes … well …’ His eyes darted back and forth between the pair of them, clearly unsure to whom he should be directing his answers – the patient or the protector. ‘In terms of your healing, the physio reports are showing good improvement in your physical strength, which is encouraging. Although we really need you to start moving more frequently to keep the momentum up – even just walking to the toilet will help.’

‘I can’t.’ Her voice was thick with panic. She needed to find a way to stay in her protected bubble for as long as possible.

‘OK, well, until you feel confident enough for that, walking around your cubicle bay will do. We need anything to get you up and about. It’s important, Alice.’

She nodded reluctantly.

‘Anyway, I’ll check the wounds myself now, and if all is OK then we can discuss … other options.’

Sarah was practically pulling off the dressing herself when Mr Warring started to shuffle uncomfortably.

Something’s not right.

‘What is it? Is something wrong?’ Alice’s voice was firm. This wasn’t one of Alfie’s stupid puzzles; she didn’t have time for guessing games any more.

‘Nothing is wrong per se …’ He lowered his voice and moved closer to the bed. ‘I’m just a little concerned about the emotional aspect of your recovery. The nurses tell me that you still haven’t seen yourself properly and that your interactions with other people continue to be limited.’

‘So making friends with other patients is now a measure of my emotional stability?’

The anger rose surprisingly quickly; she could feel her palms sweating and her teeth clenching together. How dare he? How dare he decide what she was fit enough to do? It was her body, after all.

‘No, but I can’t recommend you for future surgery if you haven’t seen the extent of your current injuries, Alice. Any further operations would be optional, and I have to be sure you’ve made a sound and informed decision. Right now, I don’t think I can confidently say you have. There is a huge amount of support here for you if you need it. We have a fantastic team of counsellors, if you wanted me to refer you to speak to someone?’

Been there, done that, and it did sweet fuck all.

‘Thank you, doctor.’ Sarah, sensing Alice’s tension, took control. ‘I think Alice might need some more time to think this all through, but it’s important information that we needed to know.’

‘Of course, take your time. You know where I am if you have any further questions. I’ll do my examination quickly and then be out of your way, but remember we are all here to help you.’

She didn’t need their help. Alice had everything she needed right here. It wasn’t that she couldn’t – she just didn’t want to face up to her injuries yet. Her limbs she could cover up, find ways to mask and deflect attention away from the disfiguring scar tissue. But her face … Now that was a whole different story. Knowing what she’d be stuck with for life was too big a task to comprehend, but it seemed unavoidable. It wasn’t that she’d been fixated on her physical appearance before the accident. Truthfully, it had never been something she’d focused on too much. Looking back, she wondered whether that was because she didn’t need to. She knew she wasn’t unattractive, and she’d had enough propositions throughout her life to know she was blessed with a good set of features. Features she’d taken for granted. A face she had unknowingly underappreciated, until the moment it was taken away from her. Now she had no idea what she was left with; reality had come knocking and it was refusing to go away.





32


Alfie





As soon as she’d said the words, his mind went into overdrive.

‘Well-fed, entertained and adored.’

Maybe it was the teacher in him, maybe he was grateful for a task other than learning to walk again, or just maybe he was excited at the possibility of creating something especially for Alice. Either way, there were fireworks going off in his head and ideas sparking everywhere.

Before he got too carried away, he remembered there were some clear boundaries he had to work within. Things had to be small-scale and possible to execute without her having to get out of bed: rule number one.

Rule number two was obvious. Whatever he planned had to be fun. Alfie knew, from his mother’s extensive research, that happiness and laughter could improve a patient’s recovery significantly. He was confident he could nail this one.

Think like Alice: rule number three.

Despite all his creative excitement, the conversation happening next door hadn’t escaped him.

Another operation?

The thought filled him with a sense of unease. Surely that was a big step to take? He knew from his own injuries that there were creams which could help reduce scarring. But then again, the sight of her hand alone had told him that these weren’t your run-of-the-mill surgical scars. Her injuries were in a different league, but still … to resort to another surgery?

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