Before I Saw You(36)



‘Aha.’ She chuckled. ‘You’re a teacher. That makes a lot of sense.’

‘I’m taking that as a compliment.’ He smiled, turning himself over to face the curtain.

‘Have you spoken to the school yet? Surely they can’t discriminate against you for having a disability. That would be illegal, and not to mention setting an awful example for the kids.’

He sensed an organized, practical Alice joining the conversation. Perhaps this was a small glimpse of the woman before the accident, a woman he imagined storming the office floors and taking absolutely zero prisoners.

‘All right, Mum.’ He’d had these thoughts over and over again, yet he still hadn’t actually done anything about it. Was he lazy? No. Was he terrified of hearing something he didn’t want to? Hell, yes.

‘Sorry, it’s just—’

‘It’s fine. I will speak to them. I know I’m avoiding it, but right now holding on to the hope I can still go back is helping me cope with the thought of leaving this place. Ideally I’d go back home, adjust a bit, and when I’ve dealt with not being fed and watered 24/7 then I’ll face it. If I think about doing everything all at once it becomes impossible.’

‘I can understand that.’ She sounded deep in thought.

‘Have you thought about what you’re going to do?’ He tried to keep his question casual and light-hearted. He was aware that without seeing her properly, he had no idea what the extent of her injuries was, both emotionally and physically. He’d seen the dressings on her hand, heard the snippets of conversations with the doctors. The physio regime. The wound care. But he knew it was still a very sensitive subject and one that he’d have to navigate carefully.

‘Considering the fact I can’t even look at my own face in a mirror right now, it doesn’t bode well for me returning to work.’

She hasn’t even seen her own face?

Jesus, how bad is it?

‘What was your job? I’m guessing something ridiculously high-flying and important?’

Alfie prided himself on being a good judge of character, but he reckoned anyone who spent even two minutes with Alice could guess she had a very prestigious and well-paid job.

‘I was a director at one of the big financial consultancy firms. I led teams of fifty people, and now I’m scared to even go to the toilet in case someone sees me and runs away.’

‘Well, luckily for you they close the whole bloody ward down when you want to go anywhere. It’s like living with Beyoncé.’

She snorted out a laugh. God, he really loved it when she did that.

‘Oh, please, I am way more demanding than her and you know it!’ He was so tempted to pull back the curtains and see for himself who this complicated, wonderful stranger really was.

Just one look.

‘Until I see you forcing Nurse Angles to give you only the red M&M’s, I’d say the jury is out on that one.’

‘Red? I’m a blue kind of girl every day! Way more E-numbers in them.’ The lightness suddenly dropped from her tone. ‘Seriously though. I feel like such a different person sometimes that I don’t even know if I could ever fit back into my old life. Some days I lie here and dream about giving everything up and leaving London behind me. A part of me just wants to escape to Australia, make Sarah build me a granny flat and see out my days there.’

‘OK, so why don’t you go? After all this, book a ticket and just go!’

‘Maybe.’ Her voice went quiet.

‘How did you two meet?’ He hoped it was a long and intricate story. He wanted to keep her talking for as long as possible.

‘First day of university.’

‘Ah, I bet you two were at some wild party, bonding over copious amounts of cheap alcohol and terrible dance moves. Am I right?’

Alice burst out laughing. The sound made Alfie’s face instantly break into a wide grin.

‘Not quite.’

‘Go on …’ He longed to be able to see the expression on her face right now. But all he had was the plain blue curtain staring back at him.

‘We met at the vending machine in our halls. Both of us were trying to secretly swerve the first night of freshers’ week by buying snacks and hiding in our rooms. She made a comment about my poor choice of crisps, which to this day I defend and love dearly, and that was it. We spent the night hiding away from both our sets of hideously drunk flatmates, watching movies and drinking wine.’

‘Wow. I don’t know what to ask first. Why you were hiding or what crisps you chose.’

Her laugh floored him again, this time with a warm feeling in his stomach.

‘They were paprika McCoy’s.’

‘And you were hiding because?’ He leant a little closer to the curtain.

‘I don’t know really. I went to university to get away from home. For me it was a fresh start. To escape the life I wanted to forget. I wasn’t there to make friends or lose my mind to alcohol and hormone-filled boys. I think Sarah was the same. She had her head screwed on. She was as determined as I was to get her degree and get out of there into the adult world. We were inseparable after that night.’

‘So when did she leave for Australia?’

‘About two years ago now. It had always been a dream of hers to live abroad, and after she got married to Raph they decided to just do it. So that was that and off they went. Ever since she moved, she’s been asking me to visit. Funny how I never seemed to have the time – everything else was more urgent or important.’

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