Out of Breath (Breathing, #3)(35)

‘So … you like the rain?’ he enquired with a gleam in his eye.

I laughed, not expecting those to be the first words out of his mouth since we’d left Santa Barbara. ‘Yes, don’t you?’ I asked, brushing my lips along his jaw, my pulse still thrumming.

‘No,’ he replied with a chuckle. ‘I think I love the rain.’ He gave me the softest kiss before laying his head on my chest. ‘I’m not ready for this to be over yet, Emma.’

‘Em,’ Peyton bellowed, interrupting my response, ‘are you home?’ I heard the doorknob jiggle.

I froze beneath Cole, and he raised his head in alarm.

‘Don’t you dare!’ Serena hollered from the bottom of the stairs. Cole and I stared at each other, waiting.

‘What?’ Peyton replied in surprise.

‘She’s not alone.’





11


What Are You Afraid Of?


‘ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO THE FLOAT trip this weekend?’ Sara asked from my computer screen, her smile vibrant and her eyes twinkling with the excitement I was lacking. ‘Didn’t you say it was supposed to be pretty huge?’

‘That’s what I’ve been told,’ I answered with a slight nod. ‘I guess students from Stanford and some other colleges take over a campground for the weekend. It’s exclusive, by invitation only. I don’t know how they figure out who gets invited, but, yeah, it’s going to be … huge.’

‘What’s wrong?’ Sara asked, picking up on my dread. ‘You’re not freaked by the crowd, are you? I thought you were over that. Wait … is it Cole?’ Her questions flew at me without pause.

‘Nothing’s wrong.’ But I could feel my throat constrict just saying it.

‘You can’t lie to me, Emma. I can always tell when you’re lying, even when you think you’re getting away with it. It is Cole, isn’t it?’

I looked away from the screen, pressing my lips together.

‘Em, things have been going so well for the past two months,’ Sara continued soothingly. ‘It’s okay to be happy. It’s okay if you move on. You don’t –’

Before she could continue with her reassurances, I interrupted with, ‘We’re supposed to sleep in a tent.’

I reluctantly returned my focus to the screen. Sara was still and silent.

‘I can’t sleep in a tent, Sara,’ I continued, my voice edged with panic. ‘That night with …’ I couldn’t go there. I couldn’t think about it. It was the last time I’d been truly happy. ‘I just … I can’t sleep in a tent with Cole.’

‘I know.’ Sara’s eyes shone with understanding. ‘Then don’t sleep in a tent. Tell Cole you want to sleep in his SUV. You can fold down the back and put a blow-up mattress in it. It works, I’ve done it before.’ A devious smile spread on her face as she reminisced.

‘Really, Sara? I didn’t need to know that!’

‘What? It’s not like you don’t get naked with Cole every chance you get!’ she snapped back teasingly.

‘I knew I should never have told you.’

‘It’s the only way it’s real,’ she responded, reminding me of the oath I’d given her in high school, that it didn’t really happen unless I told her. I wished that were true; so much of my past would’ve been erased. ‘I like this. That you’re dating again … and having crazy bunny sex!’

‘We’re not dating,’ I stressed, ‘and we’re not always … I mean, we surf too.’ I couldn’t finish, because in fact that’s how Cole and I spent most of our time together. We were either studying in our comfortable silence, surfing or having ‘crazy bunny sex’. I sighed.

‘Whatever. You keep saying you’re not, but it’s okay if you are,’ Sara said emphatically. ‘You can move on, Em. I like him. Don’t give up on him.’

My entire body tensed, and I stared back as her mouth dropped in realization.

‘I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said it like that.’

The last time Sara had said that same exact thing to me, we were sitting in her driveway, and she was convincing me to give Evan a chance.

‘So, you’ll be here next Friday, right?’ I was trying to recover, but my chest remained tight.

‘Yeah,’ Sara responded, watching me carefully. ‘I fly back to Connecticut on Monday and to see the fam before I spend the summer with you in Cali. I cannot wait to be there!’

I tried to smile, but couldn’t. ‘I can’t wait for you to be here either. I don’t have to take classes this quarter, so I’m all yours.’

‘So f*cking fantastic!’ Sara exclaimed, her natural jubilance returning.

‘I should get going,’ I told her. ‘I need to pack.’

‘This weekend will be good for you, I just know it. Call me when you get back.’

‘I will,’ I replied, forcing a smile, ‘Bye, Sara.’

‘I love you, Em!’ Sara proclaimed before the screen clicked off. I sat in the chair and stared at it for a moment before pushing away from the desk.

‘But, how about you stay the night? It’s supposed to be pretty nice tonight. We can sleep outside.’