Out of Breath (Breathing, #3)(36)

‘Like camping?’

‘That’s a better idea. I think I have a tent in the garage. We can sleep in the back yard, or we can go to the meadow. The sky will look incredible out there, away from the lights. What do you think?’

‘Emma! Cole’s here!’ Peyton yelled.

Her voice startled me out of my memory. I scanned the sky, focused on collecting myself. I blinked the tears back and took a deep breath.

‘She’s where?’ I heard him ask. Before I could make an attempt to move, he was scrambling up on the roof. I lifted my head to search for him.

‘What are you doing?’ I ran my finger along the corner of my eye, struggling to tuck the emotion away.

‘Uh, besides trying not to fall off and kill myself?’ Cole scooted next to me, his breathing slightly laboured. ‘I came up here to find you.’

‘I was going to come down.’

‘Well, I’m here now, so let me catch my breath.’ Eyeing the distance to the ground, he shifted back and bent his knees to rest his arms over them, trying to appear casual, but his back remained tense. ‘Why are you up here?’ he asked. Then he noticed my amused expression. ‘Oh, you think it’s funny that I’m hating this right now, don’t you?’

‘Yes,’ I teased with a low laugh. ‘Lie down next to me.’

Cole lowered himself so his body lined up against mine. My senses heightened even with this slight touch. He gazed up at the dark sky with his hands behind his head.

‘It’s quiet,’ he observed after a moment.

‘Exactly.’

‘So, it’s not about the height? It’s the silence?’

‘Yes.’

Unfortunately I couldn’t find it. I shivered as I forced Evan’s voice out of my thoughts.

We let the quiet surround us and soak into our skin with the coolness of the evening breeze. Lying next to Cole stirred thoughts of the conversation I’d had with Sara earlier. What the hell was I doing? I’d struggled for the past two months to end this. But every time I tried, the thrilling sensation he provoked would overwhelm me into submission, leaving me weak and unable to quit him.

‘Why do you want to stay with me, Cole?’ I whispered, focusing on the blinking lights of a passing plane.

‘Other than the fact that I’m extremely attracted to you?’ he taunted. I elbowed him. ‘Ow,’ he said, laughing.

‘I’m serious.’

‘I know you are.’ He collected himself, then continued. ‘So you want to know why I want to be around, knowing that on any day you could just walk away?’

‘Well … yeah,’ I responded, surprised by his candour.

‘I guess I just wake up each day hoping that it isn’t the day you decide to walk,’ he answered. ‘I’m not an overly emotional person. I don’t talk about my feelings, and you accept that. We don’t have to speak at all and it’s comfortable. Most girls need to know what I’m thinking, feeling, wanting … constantly. You don’t.’

‘But I’m so messed up,’ I argued, knowing too well the destruction I was capable of.

‘You keep saying that. But I don’t really see you that way. Yes, you’re a little reckless. You do these extreme things every once in a while just for the rush. I don’t get it, but I’ll go with it. It’s not like you’re expecting me to join you or anything. I don’t know enough about you or your life to say you’re f*cked up. And if you ever want to tell me, then I’ll listen. Because, as much as I don’t talk, I can listen. Whenever you’re ready, I will hear you out. But I like being with you. Does that answer your question?’

‘But whatever this is, I can’t give you more,’ I warned. ‘We aren’t dating. We’re just …’

‘Hanging out,’ Cole finished lightly.

I propped myself up on my elbow and grinned down at him. Cole’s eyes flickered across my face. He added with a devious smile, ‘And since I am very attracted to you, sometimes we can hang out … naked.’

I opened my mouth in feigned offence, but before I could say anything, he pulled me down and captured my words with his soft lips. And just like that, I surrendered to him and the questioning thoughts disappeared.

I positioned myself so I was leaning against his sculpted chest, and his mouth started moving faster. I clutched his shirt in my fist, overtaken again by the charge rushing through my body. Cole tilted my head up and caressed my neck with his lips, tasting my skin. I released a moan. He started to turn me onto my back, but then suddenly stopped.

When I opened my eyes, Cole wore a panicked look on his face, suddenly aware of where he was. I bit my lip to keep from laughing.

‘We’re on the roof,’ he announced, more to himself than to me. He noticed I was trying not to laugh. ‘You would have loved to have sex up here, wouldn’t you? We’re on the frickin’ roof, Emma!’

I started laughing, unable to contain it any longer.

‘Come on,’ he urged with an exasperated sigh, scooting across the shingles towards Meg’s window. I followed him, still laughing.

Cole didn’t question me when I asked to sleep in his SUV instead of the tent. In the end it provided more privacy – privacy that we took advantage of the first night we arrived at the campground.