Out of Breath (Breathing, #3)(37)

The campground was as crazy as I’d expected. There were camps for each college, Stanford’s being the biggest. From what I’d learned, a group of friends from our university started this trip years ago, and it had gotten progressively bigger each year since. The size had been capped in recent years to keep up the exclusivity, but there were now participants from USC, UCLA and Berkeley, blatantly displaying their school pride with jackets and sweatshirts, banners strung between trees, and even chairs and tents staking claim to their university.

The next morning I peeked out the SUV’s window and observed groggy faces making their way to the bathrooms with dishevelled hair and pained, squinty eyes. As Cole slept I pulled the sleeping bag up to my nose and snuggled into my pillow, staring up at the trees around us.

You’re beautiful. My heart seized as the memory invaded. I closed my eyes to quiet his voice. To force away the feel of his fingers brushing my cheek and the intensity of his steel-blue eyes looking into me.

I love you.

My lip quivered.

‘What’s that?’ Cole groaned from behind me, his voice heavy with sleep. I froze, cursing myself for letting the words slip from my mouth.

Cole rolled over and slid his arm around my waist, pulling me into him with his face pressed against my hair. ‘Good morning,’ he murmured. My body eased as the warmth of his skin caressed me, his touch a soothing sedation.

‘Good morning,’ I replied, squirming back so I could feel the firmness of his body.

Cole slid his hand over my hip, slipping my sweatpants down. I kicked them off, my breath erratic. I ground back against him, his hot breath in my ear. He moved into me, causing me to gasp in pleasure.

Being this close to him, filled the emptiness that had corroded my insides over the past two years. I needed him. I needed him in a way that probably wasn’t healthy for either of us. He was my fix. Even if he could never fix me.

His grip on my hip tightened. As his muscles contracted, Cole pushed deeper with a grunting breath. My erratic pulse was replicated by my breath as a moan escaped. I gripped his hand as I tensed around him. My body shuddered. He held himself against me, squeezing my hand, the tension in his muscles slowly releasing. I could feel his heart beating against my back.

‘It is a good morning,’ he finally said. I let out a light laugh.

We emerged from the SUV a few minutes later, greeted by the crisp air and … beer cans strewn across the ground. Remnants of the previous night’s bonfire still swirled in the brisk morning breeze.

After returning from the bathrooms, prepared for the day, we met up with Peyton, Tom, Meg and the guy she’d been dating, Luke. ‘You two slept in,’ Meg remarked. Then she flashed me a knowing grin when she noticed the lingering flush along Cole’s neck. My face flamed as I looked away, aware that she’d already heard way too much through our shared wall at the house.

‘Ready to go?’ Peyton asked perkily as Tom dumped ice into a cooler full of beers. ‘The shuttle is picking us up in ten minutes.’

Cole adjusted the backpack that contained our beach towels and other essentials for our canoe. ‘All set,’ he answered for the both of us. He slipped his hand in mine and I stiffened. His grip released instantly, and he started walking ahead of me without any other reaction.

I grimaced guiltily. We weren’t affectionate in public. We didn’t hold hands, or … well, any couple things. We weren’t dating, as I continuously reminded everyone. Last night was the first time we’d spent the night together since Santa Barbara … for a reason. And now, I was afraid this might get complicated, even after our talk on the roof.

I picked up my pace and caught up with him, walking close enough so our arms brushed.

‘Want me to steer?’ I offered teasingly.

‘Yeah, so we end up in the rocks?’ Cole responded, his expression easing into a smile. ‘I’ll steer. You just sit up front and … I don’t know. Don’t fall out.’

‘Funny,’ I jeered. ‘I’ll only fall out if you tip us.’

Cole laughed and nudged me gently. I smiled, relieved to be rid of the awkwardness.

We were floating down the river within a half hour. The splashing, hollering, laughing and music blaring from random canoes contrasted with the natural beauty surrounding us. I tilted my face up to the sun to absorb the warmth, feeling peaceful, despite the distractions all around me. I was startled when water sprinkled across my face. I opened my eyes to find a water fight ensuing between two canoes.

‘Want a beer?’ Cole offered, flipping open the lid of the cooler that sat on the floor of our canoe.

‘I still don’t like beer,’ I told him. ‘I should’ve packed something else, I guess. I’m fine with water or soda.’ He pulled out a bottle of water and handed it to me.

The temperature began to rise and I took off my T-shirt, revealing a colourful plaid string bikini. I heard Cole choke on his beer.

‘What?’ I demanded, turning quickly to face him, suddenly fearing he’d seen the trace of the faded scars along my back. I knew they were faint, resembling flesh-toned scratches, but I was still all too aware of them.

‘I, uh …’ Cole faltered. ‘I don’t remember that bathing suit.’ His cheeks grew red as his lips curled up.

I laughed. ‘I take it you like it.’

‘I do,’ he confirmed. ‘Kinda wishing we were back in the SUV right about now.’