Don't Let Me Fall(84)

just taking control of when that happens.

“I had sex with Jon,” I lied. “Christmas Eve.”

Logan’s hands loosened around my neck as his eyes stared into mine. I wish I knew what he was thinking but I don’t care.

“Don’t do that,” he said. “Don’t shut down on me.”

f-uck! Why is he still here?!

“Ugh!” I turned around and walked over to my dresser. I thought I could do it. I thought I could not care. I can’t. Not with him looking at me the way he is. Every f-ucking

emotion is crashing into me like a wrecking ball hitting a wall. “Do you not hear the words coming out of my mouth?” I asked, grabbing a tank top and slipping it on. “I honestly

don’t know why you’re here trying to explain shit to me when I don’t care. I slept with someone else already. Does that show you how much you mean to me?”

Logan’s jaw clenched and his hands turned into fists at his sides as he looked away from me. I know he’s trying to keep it in. I don’t want him to. I want him to snap. I want him

to leave. I want him to hate me.

“Not even an hour after I told you we were done, I walked up to him, kissed him and we headed to a hotel. It was a memorable birthday.” I even added a smile at the end of saying

that. I’m a bitch. I’m a f-ucking crazy, heartless bitch. “While you were on a plane heading back home, I was having sex with–”

“Stop!” Logan said, grabbing me and pushing me against the dresser. Jesus, this should hurt but it feels…good. “God, Rebeckah, I know I f*cked up but I never meant to hurt you.

I wanted to tell you but you were happy. You stopped thinking about hurting yourself and I didn’t want to break that.”

“I’m unstable, Logan. And you were just thinking about yourself. You didn’t believe in me. If you did, you would have told me.” He didn’t say anything because he thought I’d

break and start having the bad thoughts. He doubted me.

“I was going to,” he said leaning into me, his mouth an inch from mine. I hear his heavy breathing, his heartbeat, my heartbeat. We’re too close. “I did something for your

birthday and I was going to tell you afterwards. I didn’t want you to hate me. It’s f-ucking selfish but I just wanted you to be okay.”

“It’s a little late, don’t you think?” I asked. “Me hating you.”

Those hypnotizing blues held my dark ones and they seemed to dig deeper than I wanted them.

“You said you never would.”

My breath caught when I thought about that day. It was just a few days ago and I was happy. So much changed. How can so much change in so little time? Why does my life always have

to go through this?

“I lied.” That’s a lie.

I f-ucking want to punch him so hard right now but thinking about it breaks my heart. I don’t want to hurt him.

“That’s a lie,” Logan said. “Just like you and Jon having sex.”

My eyes dropped to the floor when he looked so sure. Goddammit how does he know? I really thought that would work.

“We almost did, okay,” I said, looking up at him. He smiled. “Don’t smile because I practically begged him to f-uck me.” Smile faded. “He just didn’t want to because it felt

weird.”

Jon and I were getting in the mood and it was fun but when the condom went on, he froze. Jon literally stared at me for a full minute before he said he couldn’t do it. Not because

he wasn’t ready, he definitely was, but because he spent so many years thinking about me that when the moment actually presented itself, it felt wrong. And Logan had to pop up into

the conversation. My f-ucking ex-boyfriend cockblocked me during rebound sex and he wasn’t even there.

“You had two days to grab some poor guy off the street,” Logan said, sliding his thumb across my cheek. “You didn’t.” Should I feel insulted? For him thinking I’d pick a guy

off the street?

“Because I was thinking about Alice.” Shit. I did not just bring Alice into this conversation. Oh…that’s right. He already knows about her. I never told him but he knows

everything.

“What about her?”

I turned and stared at a wall while I ran my fingers through my hair. I pulled on large chunks until my scalp hurt but it didn’t work. The tears came anyways.

“The trial starts in a week,” I said. “I have to see them. I have to talk about it.” I’ll relive seeing her dying in front of me.

I heard Logan right behind me and I knew he was going to wrap his arms around me. He always holds me when he can. And right now, I don’t want to step away. I want him to touch me.

I want him to hold me. I’m falling and he promised he wouldn’t let that happen.

His arms reached out to me slowly, testing whether this is fine or not. When I didn’t move, he slid his hands around my arms and pressed his chest into my back. I don’t need to

look back to know he has that cocky f-ucking smile on his damn kissable lips. He won.

“But you won’t talk about all of it,” he said. It didn’t click until he said, “You could have possibly been raped.”

I tensed in his arms then turned around. His hands never fell from me. They’re now on my hips, shooting a spark through my entire body, igniting me.