Don't Let Me Fall(78)

“You’re lying to my sister,” Matty said, trying to keep his voice down but it’s obviously not working. “And the f*cked up thing is she doesn’t even know you two were supposed

to meet that day.”

My heart stopped when I made it to the last stair. My mind isn’t processing it fast enough but I think I know what’s going on. Small pieces are coming together and I feel myself

breaking with every click of the puzzle pieces.

“Becka.” Remy saw me on the stairs and I blinked.

“What the f-uck is going on?” I asked. My eyes landed on Logan and his eyes held so much yet I couldn’t bring myself to care. I’m hurt because I know what’s going on.

He used me. Just like the first day we met and he kissed me to get that girl off his arm. He used me because my father told him to. My dad wanted me to get help. Logan is a

psychology major. He’ll be a therapist in the future. He’s perfect for getting me to see that living is worth it because we go to school together and I’m friends with his sister.

He’ll always be around. He dug his way into my head and made a place for himself. He got me to feel something. He took me out of my dark world. And I f-ucking hate him for it.

“Rebeckah, it’s not–”

“f-uck you,” I said dryly. “I knew it was too good to be true. You should have just stayed away from me. I was just a project.” I shook my head when tears burned the back of my

eyes. Don’t you dare f-ucking cry, Rebeckah. It’s not worth it. Everything was a lie. Nothing was real! Everything he said doesn’t mean shit! Don’t cry! “I trusted you.”

“Becka, he–”

“No,” I said, cutting Jacky off. “I don’t know what’s worse.” f-uck, this hurts! “Him lying to me or all of you knowing it. I feel so f-ucking stupid right now.” I locked

eyes on Logan. “And to think I was falling in love with you. I feel like the biggest idiot.” I took a step up the stairs, never breaking eye contact with anyone. “You should have

let me die in the shower,” I said to Dad. “Then we wouldn’t be here right now.”

“Birdie.” Dad took a step toward me so I ran up the stairs, slammed the door shut and locked it. I will not talk to him! I won’t talk to anyone! They played me. I was their f-

ucking puppet and I didn’t know it. “Becka, open the door!” Dad yelled, turning the knob.

I grabbed my TV and threw it, ripping the cables out of the wall. It felt good. Seeing it hit the floor and break felt right. That’s exactly how I feel right now. I was just

becoming whole. Now my world and everything I knew got shattered. I’m always going to be the broken girl. I was f-ucking stupid for thinking I could change.

I grabbed a corner of my dresser and threw it down to the floor while I screamed. God, I hate this! I was finally happy. I was finally being me. I grabbed the lamp on my nightstand

and threw it against the wall. Keep throwing shit, Becka. You need to let it out. You always hold it in. Let it out. Break shit. Watch things shatter just like you are.

I kicked my bed hard and watched the leg slide across the floor, scratching the hardwood floor. I could break the damn thing if I wanted. Rip the mattress apart and break

everything.

“Becka, open the door,” Jacky pleaded. “Please.”

“Leave me alone!” I shouted. “I’m finally letting shit out. You ruined my night. My life. All of you are *s,” I said taking a breath. “I was right to try and kill

myself. That was the best thing I ever did. You should have been happy. I was feeling something enough to act on it,” I yelled. “For the first time in my life, I felt in control

and you took that from me. All of you.”

I grabbed my bed and flipped it over. It didn’t satisfy my need so I walked over to my closet and started throwing clothes. There’s nothing better than destroying a room of a

destroyed soul.

“I didn’t need help!” I yelled, staring at my wrist. Staring at the latest tattoo I got with Alice in mind. “I loved her and she was ripped from me. What would you feel if Remy

died in front of you, Jacky? Suicide will probably be at the top of your list to see him again.”

“I didn’t want to lose you!” Jacky yelled. “Every day you were slipping from reality. I wanted you back. Dad ran into Logan and we made a deal. You needed help, Becka. You were

going to die.”

“Stop treating me like a f-ucking child!” I snapped, pulling on my hair. “I’m twenty-two tomorrow, it’s my life. Whatever I want to do is my business. If I want to off myself

then so be it. I don’t want to ruin your lives by having you look over your shoulder every minute to make sure I didn’t grab a knife and stab myself,” I growled as I thought

about it. “I thought I was pregnant! I don’t know if I was raped! I’m broken, Jacky! f-ucking sue me if I feel the need to slit my wrists.”

I walked over to the window and threw it open.

I’m acting like a child but I need to keep breaking things. I’m hurt and I don’t want to keep it in anymore. I’m done locking everything inside.

“Rebeckah, please let me explain,” Logan said behind the door. I stopped with one leg outside and one inside my room as I heard his voice. I’m f-ucking stupid for thinking about