Don't Let Me Fall(47)

Logan leaned into me, his lips touching mine.

“You have to believe it,” he whispered. I can’t think about anything besides his lips on mine. f-uck. He’s really distracting.

He can win the bear. I thought. Please win the bear.

He pressed his lips into mine as his free hand pulled the handle again. When he let it go, he slipped his hand out of mine and placed both on my hips, deepening the kiss.

Win the f-ucking bear!

Win the f-ucking bear!

I’m so lost right now. Logan is breaking down my walls by crashing through. He’s making me want something. He’s making me want him. And I don’t know how I should feel about it.

“Feeling lucky?” Logan asked finding my eyes. I just nodded. My words are trapped in my throat waiting for his tongue to take them.

We turned and stared at the reels rotating.

Jackpot. Jackpot…

…orange.

What the f-uck?!?!?!?!?!

“Ha, told you,” Bozo said. “Should have kept the–”

The reel turned and the jackpot took the orange’s place. The jackpot noise started and I jumped and squealed like a bitch. I know I look ridiculous but I don’t care.

“Ohmygod! Ohmygod!” I threw my arms around Logan’s neck as I stared at the three jackpots. He did it. He won the bear! “You did it!” I said jumping on my toes. The smile on my

face feels so weird. It’s been such a long time since I’ve done that. Really smiled.

“No, you did it,” Logan said smiling that damn smile that makes my knees go weak. “I told you to believe.”

I stopped jumping on my toes as I held his eyes.

I haven’t been this happy since before Alice was taken from me and it’s because of him. Logan was right. We need to let the little kid out of us sometimes.

“We did it,” I said softly.

We stayed like this for a while and I was pretty sure Logan was going to kiss me again but Bozo ruined the moment. He stuck the human size Golden Bear in-between us and said some

shit about us being lucky and we were the first ones to ever win this prize. He seemed to really care by the flat tone of his voice.

“Take the panda, man,” Logan said as we walked out of his play area. “That way you don’t go home empty-handed.”

Bozo rolled his eyes at us and turned off the slot machine. People booed when he did but what else can he do. The bear is gone. He’s in my arms.

The carnival was closing so we headed to Logan’s car. I sat up front with the bear tucked behind a seatbelt behind me. Logan insisted. “He’s golden. He needs to be protected,”

he said.

I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face and I really didn’t want to. I’m happy. And it feels good to feel something other than pain and numbness. My top two emotions.

When Logan got in the car, I turned in my seat to face him. “So what do you want from me?” I asked.

My mind is taking the dirty path right now and I really don’t mind. Sex in a car isn’t that bad. There isn’t a lot of room but we can manage. Blowjob, maybe? We haven’t had sex

or done anything since that time in his dorm a while back so I’m guessing he’ll take the opportunity to find some release. I know I wouldn’t mind. I’m getting hor–

“Your middle name,” Logan said derailing my train of thought.

“Hm?” I asked. I didn’t hear that right.

“Your middle name. That’s what I want from you.”

I sat in my seat like a statue as I replayed that in my head a few times. He’s just f-ucking with me. And right now I want him to be the one f-ucking me.

“How about something sexual?” I asked. “I don’t min–”

“No,” Logan said glancing at the bear then back at me. “I know what I want.”

I blinked like an idiot for a few seconds until I realized he’s serious. f-uck. He couldn’t ask for something else?

“Valentine,” I whispered, sitting back into my seat the right way. “My middle name is Valentine.”

Logan was quiet so we just sat there. In the dark with some light from the street lamps. In a non-moving car.

“What’s wrong with your middle name?” he asked.

I drew imaginary circles on my thigh as I tried not to feel anything as I remembered the story. The real story. The one I’m not supposed to know.

Mom used to keep diaries and when she moved out, she left one behind. I stumbled upon it and read it. Shitty thing to do but I was curious.

“I was supposed to be born on Valentine’s Day,” I said. I just got lucky and came on Christmas. “But I came early. Too early.” My words are getting softer. “I was supposed to

die.” I’m whispering now. “But my Dad never gave up hope.” Mom did. She wrote down that she didn’t want me. I was going to die so she started to hate me. She didn’t want to

love me and then have me ripped away.

I was worthless.

I still am to her.

Logan leaned into my space, sliding a hand to the back of my neck through my hair. “You have a beautiful middle name,” he said into my ear, his lips brushing my skin, sending fire

down my spine. “Everything about you is beautiful.” He kissed my neck, right on my bird tattoo. “Nothing compares to how much you’re worth, Rebeckah.”