Don't Let Me Fall(42)

up with him because I wasn’t feeling it anymore. He thinks it’s because I cheated. He’s trying to catch the imaginary *.”

We all started laughing and then talked about boys. Alyssa was dead set on talking about some guy named Alex from New York who lives in Boston and actually comes to Northeastern. I

wasn’t paying much attention to that because it feels like I’m back in Seattle, in my dorm with Alice. It’s comfortable doing this. I got to learn some more about Alyssa. She’s

from New York (this is how she knows this mysterious guy, Alex Payne, who she’s never talked to but apparently everyone knows about because he’s filthy rich) and this is her last

year. She’s doing four years, not five, to become a social worker.

Helping kids.

Like a nurse.

Like Alice.

“Are you from around here?” Alyssa asked.

I blinked and found myself still in Aimee’s room. “Yeah, Revere,” I said. Thinking about the past hurts when I’m back in the present.

“Why didn’t you request a dorm? Some people live in Boston but they got a dorm to get away from the family,” Alyssa said, eyes squinting.

“I don’t want to get away from mine.” My family is my world. So why do you always think of killing yourself? You’re planning on leaving them. I blocked the voice out and grabbed

my phone.

Alyssa nodded, not judging.

“Speaking of family. I should call them. Check in,” I said. Great, good way of saying you’re a twenty-one-year-old baby who still needs to check in with her family so they know

you’re alive.

I headed out of the room and walked down the hall a bit. When I got to the opening of the elevators, I leaned against a wall and slid down. Instead of calling, I texted.

Everyone’s getting ready to head out while finishing up breakfast. Jacky and Remy are already heading to work and everyone seems happy.

Why can’t I be happy?

Like truly be happy?

I crossed my arms over my knees and rested my head on them. It’s hard to want to be happy when your life sucks. But shouldn’t it be easy to be happy. I have to be happy to want to

be happy.

I closed my eyes and thought about Alice. Not about that night. About a different day. Freshman year when we were moving into the dorms. We just met at the party at the lake and

found out we’re roomies. The whole day we stalked each other online to make sure we know we can sleep comfortably and wake up alive in the morning. You never know. There are crazy

people out there.

Alice Williams. Born and raised in Seattle, Washington. Has a gay older brother, Toby, we were close until that night. Parents are Melissa and Dolton Williams. They are lawyers at

Williams & Harris. Harris was Melissa’s last name before she took Dolton’s. They met in high school. Got married. Had Toby and Alice. And lived the perfect life anyone could wish

for.

But it wasn’t perfect. Alice hated being home. So did Toby. He went to Princeton for the main purpose of being away from the family because they don’t accept the fact that he’s

gay. Alice stayed in Seattle because her parents were paying for school. It was either they pay for her education or she can become a stripper and make her own money. They seriously

told her that.

Alice didn’t want to have to be in debt so she said she’d stay. And then we met. And life became bearable.

Then she got ripped away and I was left behind.

“Hey,” Aimee’s voice said from somewhere. I looked up and found her leaning against the wall with a confused look on her face. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” I said. “Tired.” Lie. Okay, half a lie.

“You can take my bed. Maybe you should skip class today,” she said chewing on her lip. “I’ll bring you the notes.”

“No, I’m fine,” I said standing up. “I’m going to walk for a bit. Get some fresh air.” I pressed the down button and wished for the elevator to hurry up.

“Are you sure? Have you been sleeping?”

I nodded. Lie.

The doors opened and I stepped inside. I left Aimee with what I hope was a reassuring smile as the doors closed. I walked out of the building and paced back and forth as I tried to

take deep breaths.

What is happening?

I feel like someone is squeezing my heart and their grip gets tighter with every breath I take. If I died right now, someone could get these useless organs. They don’t help me.

They can help someone who actually wants them.

I leaned against the railing of the stairs leading to the train station and closed my eyes. Blood. That’s the only thing I see. Blood and skin.

“Are you okay?” some guy asked walking up the stairs who stopped mid-step to check on me.

“I’m fine,” I panted. “Thanks.” Not fine. I feel like I’m going to collapse. My legs aren’t moving. I can’t move.

He walked even closer and grabbed my arm as I swayed to the side. “You’re not fine. Sit down. I’ll get someone,” he said.

I grabbed his hand and let it fall to his side.

“I’m fine,” I said again. “Seriously.”

The guy’s eyes went behind me and he seemed to relax a bit. “She needs help,” he said. Ugh! Why can’t he listen to me?!