Don't Let Me Fall(46)



name. I don’t tell anyone what it is. Only a few people know. My family, Alice and Toby. And one of them can’t tell anyone. I’m not ashamed of my middle name, it’s just when I

was younger, I loved it. Mom picked it. And that made it special to me. But then the divorce happened and she just flipped on me. She hates me.

My middle name is a constant reminder that I f*cked up her life by being born. That’s the way I see it.

“Oh, come on,” Logan said squeezing my hand. “It can’t be that bad.”

“It’s not.”

“You just don’t want to tell me?”

If I say no, I’ll sound like a bitch. I don’t want to sound like a bitch. This is our first date. I want this to be a good one. So I didn’t say anything. And Logan didn’t bring

it up.

He pulled into a parking lot packed with cars and screaming children running around everywhere.

Oh. My. God.

We’re at the carnival.

Logan got out of the car and walked to my side to open my door.

“You brought me to the carnival,” I said smiling.

I f-ucking loved coming here when I was younger. I stopped coming to these things when I started college. Instead of riding the Ferris wheel and getting on rides, I was busy blowing

guys and having sex with them.

“Everyone has to let the little kid out of them at some point,” he said taking my hand again. I kind of love this. The hand holding. It’s weird but…sweet. “And I get to win you

some prizes. Show off my skills.”

I snorted. Um, yeah, I can’t believe that sound came out of me either. “Get me the biggest stuffed animal in this place and I’ll do whatever you want,” I said.

“Deal,” Logan said without hesitation.

I smiled because he thinks it’s going to happen. No one ever wins the biggest stuffed animal here. It’s kind of the only reason people come to this thing. They want that bear. And

no one can ever beat the games to get it.



***

Logan and I went on every ride, played every game, and spent way too much money on food for hours. The last stop was ‘The Golden Bear.’ And Logan was set on winning it for me. He

tossed rings on bottles. He won a small monkey. He traded it in for the next game. He shot hoops. He won a banana. He traded it in and this went on for thirty more minutes.

He just traded in a huge panda that I wouldn’t mind cuddling with every night so he can play the last game. And it’s the one that nobody can win. It’s the slot machine. That

thing has been rigged since the day it was made. No one ever gets the three jackpots together. Ever.

“Are you sure?” the guy in charge of the game said waving the panda’s arm at us. He looks ridiculous with red bozo hair attached to his head. “Your girlfriend looks like she

wants to keep it.”

“She doesn’t need the panda because she’ll have the bear,” Logan said matter-of-factly.

Girlfriend. The guy called me Logan’s girlfriend and he didn’t say anything about it. He just winked at me and smiled. I don’t know how to feel about that. The teenage girl

inside of me that was never called a girlfriend by anyone except girl friends was jumping up and down and holding in her squeals. The Rebeckah that I am right now, stared at Logan

walking over to the slot machine and thought about how I’ll find a way to f-uck this up and he’ll hate me.

“Rebeckah,” Logan called out.

He must have called out my name before because his eyes are wandering, wondering where I just was.

I walked past the small group forming to witness Logan fail miserably and stood beside him. He held out his hand for me and I rolled my eyes. We are not doing this.

“I need good luck,” he said.

“Well you won’t find it in me,” I said.

His shoulders slumped as he held my eyes.

“Just for right now can you think positively?” he asked.

Shit. I think I kind of ruined his spirits. f-uck. I knew I’d f-uck this up sooner or later. And this early. Wow. Congratulations, Rebeckah.

He held out his hand again and I took it.

Logan sat down on the stool and pulled the handle.

The reels started rotating. And I started biting my nails. God, what is happening to me? I don’t bite my nails.

Jackpot. Jackpot. Cherry.

“Told you,” I said, my old mood making a comeback when I realized that bear is not coming home with me.

“Two jackpots,” Bozo said. “You get another go. Remember, man, this is the last one.” He glanced at me and smirked. “I think you’re going home empty handed.”

“I’d say you’re reading your own future, buddy,” Logan said. “The girls are loving the bozo wig,” he deadpanned. I couldn’t help but laugh and so did the crowd a couple feet

behind us.

Bozo rolled his eyes and waved us the all clear.

“I need more luck,” Logan said, his eyes glowing bluer than I’ve ever seen them. What could I possibly do for more luck?

“What? Should I blow you right now?” I joked.

His jaw twitched as his eyes fell to my mouth. God, I’m tempted to do it now. I don’t care that there are people watching. I should have kept my mouth shut.

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