Don't Let Me Fall(44)

Never coming back. “Your father keeps calling,” he said in a soft tone.

My phone.

My eyes went wide as I thought about it.

“Someone stole her phone,” I said. “Before I went to the bathroom, she texted me telling me to go to the car...” Wait. Kenneth was with her. In the bathroom. Where is he?

“Ohmygod.”

“What?” the police officer asked.

“The guys we were with,” I said. “I think...they did this.” Not Jared. He was with me. “Kenneth. Alice came to the bathroom with Kenneth.”

“Last name?” he asked reaching for his walkie talkie on his shoulder.

“I don’t...I don’t know.”

Recognition read in his eyes. He understands the situation. He sees the clothes Alice and I are wearing. We met up with strangers. Now look at where we are.

“Tell me everything,” he said pulling me into a corner.

So I did.

The police found Alice’s phone in the parking lot, minutes later, smashed to pieces and wiped clean. The guys who did this knew what they were doing.

I watched Alice’s body be taken away.

There was nothing I could do except dig my fingers into my skin and wish it were me.

If Kenneth did this then it could have happened to me.

It should have happened to me.

Dad wouldn’t stop calling so I finally answered when I was done talking to the police. When I thought my world couldn’t get any shitter, it did.

Kelsey’s sick. And I need to come home.



I pushed myself up and slipped away from Logan.

“Rebeckah.” He grabbed my arm and turned me around. “Are you...” He doesn’t have to say it. No one has to say it.

“No,” I said shrugging him off me. “I’m fine.”

I’m not going to kill myself. I deserve to f-ucking live with this guilt I have for the rest of my life. I killed my best friend. Her parents told me. She would have lived if it

wasn’t for the closed airway. She would have lived if I didn’t elbow her in the throat.

I killed my best friend. And I deserve to live this miserable life and not take the easy way out. Alice didn’t have a choice. She was ripped from this world. Ripped away from me.

I walked away numbly and ended up at my first class.

Darren and Aimee walked in but I barely glanced at them. I just slumped in my seat and hid inside of my sweater. Times like these are when I think about ending it. But right now all

I can think about is when classes will be over and I can graduate.

Seven more months.

Seven more long miserable months.



***

Days turned into weeks and I was slowly drifting away from everyone again. I wanted to be alone. Everyone else saw that as coming even closer. They didn’t care if that meant

invading my privacy. They sat beside me, talked, touched me and took me places.

I don’t understand why they do it. I’m like a zombie. Just leave me alone and find someone who’s worth the time.

It’s Matty’s birthday today; November 20th. It’s also the busiest day of the week at the bar so I had to miss Matty’s party. I had to miss the large amount of people at home who

are having fun.

I was actually happy.

I’m not in the mood to be around people.



***

Sunday. I had an early shift at the bar so I got off at six. I hopped on a bus and went to the beach. I didn’t drive Dad’s car today because he needed to bring Kelsey to the

hospital for some tests. They stayed longer so she can talk to Micha. His transplant went smooth last month so now he’s healing up at the hospital.

It’s cold as shit out but I don’t care. I have a jacket on and I’m warm. That should be enough. I sat down on the concrete wall surrounding the beach and stared out at the ocean.

No one is around. Obviously only crazy people are.

Me.

A hand holding a Hershey’s kiss popped out beside me some time later. My eyes trailed up the arm and landed on blue eyes.

“This is stalking,” I mumbled.

Logan smiled and sat down beside me. “I actually went to your house and Matthew told me you were here. Then he handed me this and said you’d understand.”

I took the chocolate and popped it into my mouth.

I had a bad night last night. I have a bad night every f-ucking night now. I just don’t tell anyone anymore. It’s not their problem. It’s mine.

“If I said I planned something special for you, would you go?” Logan asked.

“You’ll just drag me anyways,” I said staring at the sand. His hand slipped into mine and my eyes closed. Why is he doing this? Just leave me alone. Go find someone who will

actually be there for you. Find someone who is alive.

“If you don’t want to go, I won’t force you to.”

A lump formed in my throat as I turned to look at him.

“I’m so screwed up, Logan,” I said, trying not to crack. “No one deserves to be around this. Me. Why can’t you see that? Why can’t you just let me go? Are we even together?

Because for the last few weeks, I’ve been lost and confused and I don’t know what to call this. It’s...everything is just complicated.”