Dear Heart, You Screwed Me(92)

“Me too, feels good getting it off my chest,” she skipped back towards me and jumped on the sofa next to me. I spun round to face her, laying my legs out and resting them on her lap. She leant into me, her hand resting on my non-existent bump.

“How is my little brother or sister?”

I snorted a laugh, my head tipping back before I looked back at her, “It’s a jellybean at the moment.”

“But it’s my jellybean,” she beamed.

I sighed happily as we fell back into easy chatter. And for the first time in a long while, I felt like I was becoming my old self again. I felt content, but as soon as my mind drifted to Killian that gaping hole came back.

Me and Connie arranged to have a little sleepover, I can’t remember the last time we spent the night together. Plus, it would be good having her here with me. It would stop my mind from drifting to the place I didn’t want it to.

Cosied up under my duvet, or comforter as Connie called it, we put the tele on for some background noise. Connie rolled onto her side; I felt her eyes burning into the side of my head, but I chose to ignore her while I stuffed my face with ice cream.

I heard her sigh.

“What?” I snapped as I kept my eyes on the television.

“Oh, nothing…” Connie’s voice drifted off.

“It’s obviously not nothing, as you have been staring at me waiting for me to ask you what you want,” I laughed, turning my head to face her.

“Okay fine, fine,” she smirked as she laid next to me. “Have you spoken to my dad?”

“Nope and I don’t plan to.” I turned my face away from her and glared at the tele. The ache in my chest was prominent now.

“Why?” she propped herself on her elbow and let her head rest on her hand.

“Because he left just after you the night I found out I was pregnant, and I haven’t heard from him since. Okay, sure, I haven’t messaged him, but to be honest I feel like he owes me a message and not the other way round.” I sighed, dropping my spoon into my nearly empty tub of ice cream, my appetite disappearing in an instant.

“I have spoken to him,” Connie’s voice was hushed beside me.

“Of course, you have,” my eyes automatically rolling. I turned my head to face her, “Con, is there any chance we can do this tomorrow? I really don’t want to talk about it now. I am trying so hard to move on…” I swallowed hard.

“But that’s just it, Reese, you don’t have to move on,” she smiled.

“And why’s that?” I smirked at her.

“Because he doesn’t want to move on either. He knows he fucked up.”

“Then I need to hear it from him, not you…” I grimaced, a little sigh leaving me.

She nodded, turning on her back as she looked at the ceiling.

“Don’t think I am being ungrateful or selfish,” now it was my time to roll on my side and face her.

“I know you’re not; I just think you need to both get over yourselves and one of you needs to make the first move. I told him to give you time, you have had time now get off your ass and ignore that stubborn streak that flows through you,” she snapped her head towards me and smirked.

“I’m not being stubborn, just being a realist.” I pulled my eyes from her, wiggling into my pillow as I began spooning more ice cream into my greedy mouth.

“Whatever you say, you stubborn mare.”

I scoffed, but kept my mouth shut. She was right, but I wasn’t going to tell her that.

She snuggled down under the covers as we stay silent while watching the tele.



I was awoken by a loud thud. Sitting up quickly, I looked round the room to see Connie snoozing next to me. I let out a sigh of relief. Pressing the screen of my phone, it was two-thirty am.

Laying back down and waiting for my erratic heart to still, my eyes were pinned to the ceiling. I was trying to ignore the thoughts that were whirling around in my head, I didn’t want to start thinking because then I wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep.

I forced my eyes shut, squeezing them tightly as I silently begged for sleep to take me, but I heard another thud.

“Fuck,” I whispered. “Connie,” I nudged her, trying to wake her but it was no good. She was out of it.

Throwing the covers back, I stood on shaky legs as I walked out of my bedroom. I had a baseball bat behind my front door that my dad made me promise I would leave there. I thought it was ridiculous until now.

Thud, thud, thud.

My heart was beating so fast in my chest, it was skipping beats causing my breath to catch. As I approached the apartment door, I reached for the bat and held it tightly in my hands. Edging closer, I stopped for a moment, closing my eyes and inhaling deeply. It’s fine.

Thud, thud, thud.

My eyes pinged open.

This is how you’re going to die, in your big, granny knickers... you could have at least worn your nice ones- my subconscious whispered but I chose to ignore her.

Taking one last step towards the door, my whole body was trembling as I looked through the peep hole, my eyes rolled so far in the back of my head when I saw Killian on the other side, his eyes pressed up to the peep hole.

I heard him mumble, “oh shit,” he groaned.

Stepping back, I let my head hang as I placed the baseball bat back in the corner behind the door.