Dear Heart, You Screwed Me
Ashlee Rose
PROLOGUE
This wasn’t supposed to happen.
This wasn’t the life we planned.
We were meant to grow old together, watch our children make us proud daily.
But the life we planned was ripped away from me.
Life is cruel.
Vicious.
He was taken from me, and I have no control over it.
What is it they say? Your life is mapped out for you? Fate and all that shit… well, this isn’t fate, this is God fucking me over in the worst way possible. I don’t believe in fate anymore.
My motto is ‘it is what it is’.
My heart lurched in my chest before it shattered and obliterated into a thousand pieces. I was afraid it would never be whole again.
This wasn’t supposed to happen.
This wasn’t the life we planned.
But it is what it is.
Dear Diary
Dear Heart, You Screwed Me.
CHAPTER 1
TWO YEARS AGO
I pace up and down our small, boxy apartment. After five steps, I was at the other side of the apartment.
Elijah was due home any minute. He had a job interview this afternoon. He had been preparing for months. This was a big deal. It wasn’t some small, two-bit job. He was hoping to climb the ladder in the stock market. He has had to kiss arse for two years to even get a little bite from the top guns.
And two weeks ago. He got it.
This would change our lives, financially. Home life would be harder, what with the late evenings and early mornings. He had to be dedicated to the job first, not me.
But that was okay.
I loved his drive and passion for his work, and I can’t wait to have that drive. I just haven’t been able to land anything yet. Sure, I went to university, I knew what I wanted to do, but I just haven’t found my dream job.
I studied business and economics as well as English literature and public relations. Truthfully, I only chose English literature because I love reading. I enjoyed doing the PR side of things, so who knows. Maybe that’s my calling.
Looking back over my shoulder I look at the small round table that sat between the small kitchen and lounge area, the candle flickering in the dimmed room. The table was set, a low hum from the oven filled the room as I tried to keep the dinner warm. I wanted to make a congratulations dinner, whether it was a good interview or not, I was still proud of him. I went back to pacing the floor, I was nervous, excited, apprehensive. I also felt sick to my stomach at the thought of him not getting this job. I stilled, turning my head to look at the long, skinny mirror at my reflection. I was wearing a low-cut black tee that was tucked into my high waisted skinny jeans. I would normally be in my pyjamas now, but not tonight. Everything had to be perfect.
The darkness began to draw in, it was the middle of October, and we were finally losing the lighter evenings which I hated. I loved the winter, just not the darkness that came with it.
My phone buzzed with a message from Elijah. My heart skipped a beat, my pulse quickened as I read it, the smile growing on my face.
He smashed it.
Half an hour had past; my brows furrowed as I looked at my phone, opening the text from Elijah once more.
Just leaving babe. It went well, love you x
My heart began to pump a little harder than normal, the blood rushing through my veins. I was an over thinker, I panic at every, little thing.
I rub my clammy palms down my jeans as I sat at the table. The candle beginning to dim before completely going out. My leg was shaking up and down, my fingers drumming on the table as I tried to calm the nerves. He had to get the train from the city, then drive the lanes from the station. It shouldn’t be taking this long though.
An hour later and still nothing. Shit.
I text Elijah’s friend, I wanted to know if he had heard from him, but he hadn’t spoken to him either. I even messaged his mother, but again, she had heard nothing. I had debated whether to or not, but I had to ask. But of course, she was now in full panic mode with me.
It was dark outside, the rain and hail drumming down on the window pane, a sound I normally found comforting, but now it only filled me with dread and fear.
I picked my phone up and tried ringing him, I don’t like to call him while he’s driving, but needs must. And this was a must.
It rung and rung before I was hit with his voicemail.
Hey, it’s Elijah. You missed me, leave a message and I’ll call you back!
I cut it off before trying again.
Nothing.
I hold my phone in my clammy palms, standing from the table and pacing the floor back and forth once more.
I jumped when I heard a knock on the apartment door, throwing my phone down on the sofa I rubbed my clammy hands back down my thighs once more.
Please be Elijah. But then if it was Elijah… why was he knocking.
Stopping at the front door, I look through the peep hole and see two police officers. One male. One female. Hats under their arms.
Even though deep down inside I knew what was about to come, nothing could have prepared me for what they were going to say.
My trembling fingers locked round the handle as I pushed it down slowly and opened the door. A solemn look on their faces. My heart sunk.