Dear Heart, You Screwed Me(3)

I try to link my fingers through his, anything to just feel close to him again. But it was almost impossible.

I was living in my own hell, and I was scared I was never getting out of it.

I heard the door close softly behind me, my head snapping round to see my mum walking towards me with a small smile on her face.

“It’s time to go.” Her voice was quiet as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders.

“Not yet mum, I’m not ready.” My voice trembled; I shook my head from side to side.

“I know darling, but we have to go…” her grip tightened on the top of my arms as she tried to pull me away from Elijah.

“No!” I scream loudly, my throat stinging “No!”



That’s all I remember.

Everything after that I blocked out.





CHAPTER 2





PRESENT DAY


The sun streamed through the windows, the beams feeling good on my tanned skin. I loved the spring months, more so because it’s my birthday month. Not that I have celebrated the last two, I just haven’t been able too. I couldn’t do it without Elijah. We always had our ritual. Presents, breakfast, macaroons, champagne, take away, the notebook and chocolate.

Every year.

But now, on my twenty-seventh birthday I am sitting here without him. Will this pain ever become bearable? Because honestly, I think I am broken for life. I haven’t dated since; my mum has urged me so many times just to go for a coffee date here or there, but I am just not ready.



I wiped my brow with the back of my hand as I looked around my empty apartment. My mum stood behind me, hands on her hips slightly breathless.

“This is it,” she sighed.

“It is…” I sighed with her, sadness consuming me. My eyes scanned the white walls, of our studio apartment. It wasn’t much, but it was ours. We bought it after saving, always said we would keep it to rent out as a little injection of funds when we were ready to move into a bigger home and start a family.

I felt my throat bob as I tried to swallow down the large lump that was growing and swelling in my windpipe.

“You ready for your next adventure?” my mum’s arm wrapped round my shoulders, squeezing me tight. My dad appearing to my other side.

“I think so…” I snorted a laugh, truth was, I was terrified.

“Don’t think!” my mum let out a small laugh, “It’s going to be everything and more, as much as me and your father don’t want you to go…” her voice trails off as she looks at my father. His tanned, glowing skin radiates. My dad is Venezuelan, but he has always lived in England. He speaks basic Spanish, but always made sure when he was growing up that he answered his parents in his native language.

“No, we don’t mi amor.” My dad’s voice was low as he pulled me into his embrace, squeezing me tightly.

“I’ll only be a few thousand miles away,” I choked back the tears. “I need this new start, for me…”

“We know,” they say in unison.

I step away from them, as my eyes volley between theirs.

My dad’s black hair sits away from his face, his green eyes glistening with unshed tears. My mum is fair with blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes.

I have my mum’s hair colour of honey blonde and my eyes are a mix of the two, giving them an opal sea colour. I am lucky that I got his skin tone and not my mum’s pasty colour.

“We’re so proud of you.” My mum’s voice is tight as she swallows down the lump in her throat. “But you know you can always come home; your room will be here.” My father nodded.

“I know,” I whispered, “but I won’t be home, only when I have a holiday.” I nibble my trembling bottom lip. “You can always come to me? Once I am settled and in my new apartment, I will send you the details.” I say cheerily, rushing towards my parents and wrapping both my arms round their necks, their arms linking behind my back as we stood embraced.

I was leaving for New York to be an assistant at Lordes PR. I gave them a quick internet search once I got a call from my head-hunter. I wanted to make sure I was well informed about the company I was going to. I would be working under an Adele Cliffe.

By the sounds of it, not many of her assistants last more than three months. Seemed a bit of a running joke. But I was determined to pass the three-month mark, I had to. I never really knew what I wanted to do, but after Elijah died I threw myself into anything and everything to keep my mind busy because as soon as I stopped, he filled my mind. I found myself working for a part-time PR firm, I started as a temp but once I found my feet I couldn’t stop wanting to strive and make myself better. With each existing client helped and each new client signed, I had finally found my calling.

“Right honey, we’ve got to go.” My mum broke my thoughts suddenly, her hand running down my back before it linked through my arm.

I nodded.

My dad walked out of my boxy apartment first, then my mum. I inhaled deeply, the hot tears pricking my eyes as I stayed anchored to the floor for a moment. Breathing in through my nose, trying everything to not forget the smell of our home. I swiped the angry tears away as they rolled down my cheeks. I was angry that he was taken from me, super fucking angry that I didn’t get to say goodbye, and angry that we were robbed of our future. My future.