Dear Heart, You Screwed Me(9)

Shoot.

Sighing and rolling my eyes, I let the doubt and anxious thoughts slip out of my mind as I hastily grabbed the dress before I could talk myself out of it. Dropping the hotel dressing gown to the floor, I slipped the dress up my smooth legs and pulled the thin straps over my shoulders. One good thing about having a small frame was I had small boobs too. I never had to wear a bra if I didn’t want too.

Running my fingers through the end of my knotty blonde hair, I loosened the waves that were set from this morning. Applying a small amount of concealer to hide the dark circles under my eyes that I had become accustomed too. I struggle with sleep, and when I do sleep I feel like the same scenario plays over and over in my head.

Giving myself a curt nod, I stepped back and slipped my feet into my high top all white converse. I wasn’t feeling the heels. I stepped back over to the wardrobe and grabbed my tatty cropped leather jacket and pulled it over my shoulders. Not that I needed a coat, the air would still be sticky and humid, but it was more to cover myself up. To keep me hidden and out of anyone’s sight. Skipping over to the bed, I grabbed my phone and looked at the time. It had just gone six-twenty-five. Time to go.

Spritzing myself with a light spray of my Miss Dior Blooming Bouquet, I grabbed my clutch before throwing my debit card, a few stray dollars, my room card and my phone inside of it.

I don’t even know why I take my phone. I don’t hear from anyone. I just sit quietly scrolling through people’s perfect lives on social media.

But anyone can hide behind a screen and show the world just how happy they are, right? This world is full of pretence. Full of people putting on a show for the outside world to see. People saw these fake lives and craved it. But it wasn’t real. It was just pretend.

Like the fairy tales and the happily ever after you were promised as a child.

They weren’t true. Prince Charming wasn’t coming to save you.

Snapping myself out of my thoughts, I headed for the door and slammed it behind me. I walked cautiously down the long corridor as I stepped towards the lift. The hotel was quiet for a Friday night, or was it because it was early? I had no clue.

The doors pinged open; smiling I walked forward into the lift and spun round. My heart was beating erratically, my blood thumping through my veins. My mum’s words echoed in my mind, I didn’t know Connie. Could she really be that nice that she wanted to invite me out and be my friend?

Oh my god. Reese.

I internally cursed myself.

Of course, she could have. Get your mother’s words out of your mind. The lift came to a halt, the light indicating that we were on the ground floor. Inhaling deeply, I stepped out onto the hard floor and walked towards the lobby, my eyes searching for Connie. I looked around the beautiful, large space but couldn’t see her.

Have I been stood up? Was it a joke? Take pity on the poor English girl. I felt the heat rising in my cheeks as my blush crept across my face. It’s fine. I could style it out, act as if I had forgotten something and go back to my room. Unzipping my bag, I began to fumble around as if I was looking for something, turning on my heel as I did and started making my way back towards the lift lobby.

“Reese!” I heard Connie call out. My head snapped up as I looked over my shoulder to see her bouncing towards me. She was wearing a tight, mini red bandeau dress with black and white converse. I scoffed. I liked her style.

“Hey!” I called out, pulling my hand from my bag, and doing the zip up quickly.

“You look beautiful.” She smiled as she wrapped her arm around my shoulders.

“As do you,” I smiled back at her even though inside I felt awkward as fuck.

“You ready?” she chirped as her fingers laced through mine, dragging me through the lobby.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” A nervous laugh bubbled out of me.

“Come on, it’ll be fun. Let me show you the hot spots of upstate New York. Prepare to be dazzled Reese!” The smile on her face was so big and infectious that I felt my own smile grow as bubbles of excitement popped in my belly. I needed a good night out and I had a feeling that Connie was the right girl for it.

My brows furrowed in confusion when we walked into one of the hotels bars, The Palm Court.

“Don’t worry, just the start of the night – plus the guys in here all come down from Wall Street.” She smiles sweetly looking over her shoulder at me as my steps falter.

Elijah.

“Big money. I aim for us not having to spend a cent tonight,” she winks.

My heart races, my palms sweaty as I hear the air whoosh out of my lungs.

“Reese?” I hear the concern on Connie’s voice when she stops and turns to face me.

“I’m fine,” I gasp, trying to shake the grief away for a moment.

I see the look of worry on her face, her eyes volleying between mine as she waits for me to explain.

But I can’t.

How do you explain the explosion of grief that consumes you every hour of every day?

Pulling my hand from hers, I shake my head softly and walk towards the bar. I needed a drink, anything to numb the pain if even for a moment.

We sat by the window and watched as the bar continued to fill with people.

“Wow it does get busy in here doesn’t it!” I shout over the loud chatter from a table of men behind us.

She nods, smiling as she takes a sip of her red coloured cocktail.