Love Survives (Love's Suicide #2)(75)

When Kat pulled away to catch her breath, I gave her a second to reconsider. It was going to be impossible for me to stop if this continued. I ran my hand up her hips, tracing her skin when I reached one of her breasts. Kat’s eyes closed as she leaned back, preparing for me to kiss her there.

Out of the corner of my eye I spotted something that caused me to freeze in place. “Uh-oh.”

My little girl was sitting up in the bed next to us, looking sad. Kat covered her exposed body up and held her arms out for her to join us. At first I tried to readjust myself, considering I was in a stiff predicament under the sheets. She headed to her mother in the beginning. Then, just as I realized I’d settled down, she climbed over and rested her body on my chest, placing her head down against my skin. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head. Never in my life had I ever felt so needed. It was the most picture-perfect moment.

I couldn’t control what happened next, even if I tried to be big, bad, and strong. I was falling apart, but not from being sad. I found meaning to life. I found my purpose. In all the times that I wanted to end my life, in all the moments that I was ready to give up on myself, I was so grateful that hadn’t happened. I had more to live for than I ever could have imagined. My broken heart was finally beating again. I was healing, holding on to hope, finally, after so long of fighting for a reason.

This little girl was saving my life even if she’d never be able to understand how. She was my reason for existing. She was my everything. My heart didn’t just belong to Kat anymore. She was going to have to share it with our daughter.

Burning hot tears fell from my eyes. I couldn’t keep it all bottled up any longer. I was loved. My daughter was going to love me forever. It was all too much to accept without being emotional.

I held her tighter when Kat saw what was happening. I couldn’t let her go, not when she was so comfortable being there. Kat rested her head next to me and cried too. I suppose someone watching would have thought we were being silly. To us, it was probably one of the most precious memories we’d shared. This trumped being naked in bed next to Kat. It was euphoria in the purest form.

Kat eventually reached her arm over and held both of us. We were a family, and I couldn’t help wonder if she’d done this with Bobby. I’d missed out on so many things. I think a part of me will always ache thinking about it. It hurt knowing I’d never see her taking her first steps, or saying her first word. I would never be able to bond with her as an infant, or see the first time she showed her dimples to the world. I’d been robbed of it all.

It wasn’t Kat’s fault. Even if I knew, I was on the other side of the world. It wasn’t like the military let us come and go as we pleased. I wouldn’t have been able to watch her grow through a satellite connection. I certainly wouldn’t have been able to keep my focus out on missions when I was worried about them at home.

Like it or not, she’d done the right thing; at least what she thought was right at the time.

Our opposite hands laced together as we continued laying there. I slid closer and wrapped an arm around the both of them. “This feels so right,” I whispered while noticing she was dozing off. “I never thought I’d have this.”

She squeezed my hand. “Me either.”

For a while I watched my girls sleeping. I was afraid to close my eyes because I kept thinking when I woke up they’d be gone. I held onto B tightly, holding her close to my heart. I listened to her breathing while silently thanking God for her.

I thought about our future, and where we’d be in a few years. I pictured coming home from work and seeing them waiting for me. I thought about holidays, where my parents would come to visit. It was all so reachable. Sure, we had hurdles to get over, but we were a team now.

No, we were a family.

I knew it was too soon to discuss, but my parents were scheduled to come visit. They were about to meet our little surprise. At first they’d be shocked, but there wasn’t a worry about her being accepted. They’d fall in love, just as fast as I had. There was nothing they couldn’t love about her. She was absolutely darling.

I kept kissing her, looking over and seeing Kat fast asleep next to us. More tears came and went. It seemed like just when I thought I couldn’t be happier something else made me weak again. I wasn’t worried about Kat seeing me this way. I didn’t have to hold back when it came to her. She knew me, sometimes better than I knew myself. I wanted to share this with her, just like I wanted her to be able to do the same with me.



While I laid there still choked up with emotion, I felt myself falling asleep. Since I knew I had to work I didn’t fight it. This was the most comfortable I’d been in years. It was obvious that sleep time was going to prove to be my favorite from this night on.





Chapter 37


I don’t know how long I was asleep before a little body was spinning around in the bed, kicking her feet until she found comfort again. I tried to remain still to prevent her from waking. Kat needed her sleep, probably more than I did.

While awake, I thought about being at work and having them here in the hotel. I wondered if there was a way I could get off work early. My superior officer was a nice guy. He had a family of his own. I was sure if I explained everything to him he’d give me extra time to be with them. At this point, I knew I had to make some serious decisions. My injury to my hand was going to help with that. There was a good chance I wasn’t going to be cleared for duty. I could still teach, if that’s what I wanted to do. If someone would have asked me a week ago, I would have said that life was good. Now everything had changed. I wanted out of the military, because it meant that I was free to have a life with Kat, without being married to my career.