Instead of You(77)

“I would never,” I said immediately. Lies. I would totally.

“Kenz, I’ve known you your entire life.”

“Not for the last three years.” Again, the words sprung from my mouth like lightning. Quick and hot. And I almost regretted them. Almost.

His face dropped and I watched as he actually deflated a little. His shoulders slumped and his chest caved just slightly. That was okay though, because my chest had been caved in since he walked away from me that day in the rain. Now, I was walking away from him.

I turned, headed toward the library, and immediately found an empty stall in the bathroom and cried until all the tears stopped flowing.

I stayed up all night studying for my exam, but I didn’t learn anything new. I read the same passages time and time again, trying to find some sort of logic in the words, but none came. The next day I passed my final—barely—and then went home and went to sleep. The look on Hayes’s face right before I turned away from him was the last thing I saw before I drifted away.





Chapter Twenty-Nine


McKenzie


Loud banging on my door was what finally woke me. I looked at my phone and sighed. I’d slept through the morning. It was one in the afternoon already. I padded down the hallway toward the door, already knowing who was there before I even opened it.

Squeals greeted me as Holly and Becca burst through my door as soon as it opened even a crack, and two sets of arms wrapped around my neck. When the hugging and jumping was done they finally pulled away, all smiles. I tried to smile back, but I probably looked as though I was in pain.

“You said you were going to text us when you got up, but we got tired of waiting around for you,” Holly said before taking a seat on my couch. She’s spent a lot of time at my apartment and I knew she felt right at home there, which I loved. I felt the same way at her place.

“Sorry, I was really exhausted after yesterday’s exam. I guess I needed more sleep than I anticipated. Did you guys have fun last night?”

“It was tons of fun, until Todd showed up,” Becca said, feigning annoyance.

“Todd’s here?” I ask Holly. Todd and Holly had managed to prove everybody wrong and survive three years of a long-distance relationship. He went to college an hour away. They saw each other often enough, but no one had thought they would last.

She shrugged. “He wanted to surprise me.”

“It was cool. He brought a friend with him so I wasn’t a total third wheel.”

“Don’t pretend like you didn’t hook up with Scott,” Holly teased. “Todd showing up with a friend was the best part of your night.” Becca blushed but she didn’t deny what Holly said. I smiled, glad my friends had enjoyed their night while I was trying to sleep off my run-in with Hayes.

“So, why’d you bail on us last night?” Becca finally asked, following me to sit on the couch Holly hadn’t taken.

I had never told my best friends what happened between Hayes and me. My mother was the only person who knew, and if she told my dad, I had no idea. When he first left, almost three years ago, it was too hard to talk about and I didn’t think anyone, especially Holly and Becca, would really understand. But now, looking at them, I figured enough time had passed, it was probably time to explain. Especially if Holly was going to be seeing him around campus; I’d have to explain the weirdness somehow.

“You guys remember Hayes, right?”

A confused expression crossed both their faces, and I understood; I was definitely coming out of left field.

“Cory’s older brother?” Holly asked. I nodded. “What about him?”

“I saw him the day before yesterday. At the coffee shop where I always study.”

“That’s weird,” Becca added. “What was he doing here?”

“He’s going to school here,” I replied, pulling my feet up under me, trying to get comfortable, a task I knew was impossible as long as I was talking about Hayes. “He starts next week. Something about getting certified to teach English as well as History.”

“Wow, what a blast from the past,” Holly supplied.

I took in a deep breath, knowing it was now or never. “Do you guys remember when he was our History teacher? For just a few weeks our senior year?”

“Yeah, it was right after Cory died, right? He stayed to take care of his mom. Isn’t that why he left? Because his mom had some sort of breakdown and he had to take her away?”

“Right. He took her to Montana. But, something happened in those few weeks he was our teacher that I never told you guys about.”

“Um, okay Miss Cryptic. What are you talking about?” Holly asked, sitting forward in her seat.

“I guess it started way before that, at Cory’s sixteenth birthday party. Hayes kissed me. Out of nowhere. Just totally stole my first kiss and then he disappeared. I didn’t see him again until Cory’s eighteenth birthday, the night he died.”

“Wait, what? You kissed Hayes? You cheated on Cory?” Becca sounded almost outraged.

“No, I mean, nothing had happened with Cory at that point. Hayes kissed me first, then Cory, and after that night Cory and I started dating. But there had always been something about Hayes that I was drawn to. It was silly and juvenile, or so I thought. But then after Cory’s death, Hayes and I just kind of drifted together again.” I paused for a reaction, but all I got were gaping mouths. “It was confusing and wonderful all at the same time. He was at our school and I was constantly over at his house trying to help him care for his mother, and we just, I don’t know….” I let out a deep breath, a little overwhelmed by all the memories surfacing that I’d gotten so good at pushing down for the last three years. “Anyway, I fell in love with him and when he left, it hurt. And now he’s back. It just kind of caught me off guard. I didn’t think I’d ever see him again.”