Instead of You(76)

I was now regretting that decision.

He started walking to me and my brain shut down. It was just Hayes, slowly coming toward me, but he might as well have been wielding an axe for the fear it caused. He could do less damage with an axe in the long run.

“McKenzie,” he said as he came to stop in front of me. His voice washed over me and I nearly shivered. It was strange the way his voice traveled along my spine and the unfamiliar feeling, the unfamiliar sound of him, simply could have knocked me over. He smiled a friendly but uncomfortable smile and said, “I figured I would run into you sooner or later.”

My eyebrows drew in as confusion took over. My mouth gaped, but I wasn’t able to form words yet.

“How’ve you been?” he asked, seeming to be genuinely curious.

How’ve I been? I had no response. I was still trying to figure out which dimension I’d transported into. He took another step toward me and I managed to close my mouth, my eyes still locked on his.

“I know this is out of the blue, and I’m really sorry about that, but can we sit? Have coffee? Catch up?”

He wanted to have coffee and chat? I could not have been more confused, but I mumbled, “Sure.” I continued to my corner, convinced I was dreaming, but watched as Hayes ordered a drink and then brought it over, sitting in the chair across from me.

He eyed my textbook as he sat, then said nervously, “Statistics, huh? I avoided that class like the plague.”

“What are you doing here?” Ah, finally, my mouth and brain were connected again.

He leaned forward, elbows to his knees, and clasped his hands together. “Well, I took a little time off but when I decided to go back to finish my certification and degree, I thought it would be a good idea to add an endorsement. So, instead of just being a history teacher, I can teach English too. Sometimes it gives you a better chance at finding a job when you are certified to teach more than one subject.”

“So, you’re a student again?”

“Classes start next week,” he said with a nervous smile. He looked the same, but different. Older, maybe, but still just like Hayes. His hair was the shortest I’d ever seen it, and he looked as though he hadn’t shaved in a week or two. I’d always loved his long, silky hair, the way it slid between my fingers, but the short hair only made his strong jaw stand out. He was the same Hayes—still stupidly hot.

“How’s your mom?” I sort of already knew how his mother was. My mom was still best friends with Mrs. Wallace, but my mom was good about never talking about Hayes. I got important updates on his mom, which I was thankful for, but my mom understood that I needed him to be whitewashed from my life if I was going to survive.

“Good,” he said, nodding. “Thanks for asking.”

“I hear she really likes Montana.”

“Turns out my mom’s a cowgirl at heart,” he said with a laugh that almost sounded painful, then he ran his hands over his face, pushing out a breath. Suddenly his eyes found mine and there was a sad urgency there, and a little bit of exhaustion if I read him correctly. “This conversation is bullshit.” He scooted forward on his chair. There was still a table between us, but even the few inches that evaporated between us had my heart rate spiking. I could, in no way, deal with proximity in that moment. “Listen, I came back and I knew you went to school here. And I knew I’d run into you. I didn’t think it’d be the very first day, but f*ck if that isn’t my luck.”

“You didn’t want to see me?” The question popped out of my mouth before I had time to even think the words. But the hurt was evident in my voice. For three years I’d been aching to see him. Even just a glimpse. A photo on Facebook, a look at him passing by as my mom Skyped with Mrs. Wallace, even just a photo on my cell phone when he called me. Not that he ever had. Even if I had pathetically refused to change my phone number just in case. I’d wanted to see him so badly, and it tore me open to think he hadn’t wanted to see me.

“No, Kenzie, of course I wanted to see you.” He moved even farther onto the edge of his chair and my lung capacity diminished. I pushed myself as far back in the previously comfy chair as I could, noticing it suddenly felt spiky. “I just hoped I’d have more than three hours to get used to the idea of being on the same campus as you before you appeared before me exactly as I imagined you would.”

I had no response. The allusion that he’d thought about seeing me too did nothing but make my fingers tingle, so I clenched my fists.

“I just…,” he started, but tapered off, looking at me with unrelenting eyes and a soft expression on his face. “It’s really good to see you.”

Nope. Couldn’t do it. I unclenched my fists and started packing up my textbooks and highlighters.

“I have to meet my study group at the library. It’s finals. I have one more test.” Which studying for is now a completely hopeless task. “I have to go.” Before I crumble right here in front of you.

“Right. Of course. I should have known….” He watched as I manically packed up my things and I felt his gaze on me, burning me through my clothes.

“I guess I’ll see you around,” I said, trying for casual and aloof, but I probably sounded rude.

“Hey,” he said just as I’d taken my first step toward the door. I turned back to him slowly, trying hard to hold on to my last bit of composure. “I know this is weird and I probably should have warned you somehow that I was coming back, but I was really hoping we could be friends. Or, at the very least, not ignore each other if we passed on campus.”