Forever for a Year(46)
“I get straight As, Mom!”
“I know.”
“Why can’t you trust me?”
“I do. But boys … love … they can make us make bad choices,” she said, and I could tell she was talking about herself, and this made me sad because I thought she was happy with Dad now, but I didn’t want to think about her being unhappy again, so I said, “Trevor and I, we’re soul mates,” and then I wish I didn’t say it. Why did I say that? Because it’s true and I wanted to say it out loud! And your mom should be the one person you can say things to!
“Carrie,” my mom said, calling me by the WRONG name, “you met him two weeks ago.”
“When you meet your soul mate, you know after two seconds! He asked me to be his girlfriend last night!”
“Just slow down.”
“I’m happy! You want me to slow down from being happy?”
“No, please don’t yell.… I just know feelings can change very fast at your age. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Trevor would never hurt me, and I would never hurt him!” I didn’t really know if Trevor would never hurt me. Maybe I did! But I would never, never, ever hurt him, I was one million percent sure, but I told my mom this because I needed her to shut up.
“Okay, okay,” my mom said, taking in deep breaths, strangling the steering wheel. She was upset. Why was she upset? She was not being supportive the first and only time I would ever fall in love! She kept talking. “Just know you can talk to me about anything. If anything ever comes up.”
“Why would I want to talk to you about Trevor if you are going to be so unsupportive, huh, Mom?”
“I’m not…” But she didn’t finish her sentence. She just drove. So I didn’t talk either. And then she stopped in front of Starbucks, and I said, “Don’t worry, I’ll find my own way home,” and I said it like a brat, but I didn’t care. I cared a little. But I didn’t apologize, I just went inside, and even though it was only eleven forty-four, Trevor was already there and he looked up, and he saw me and I saw him, and our eyes shot laser lights into each other and our bodies rose up off the ground and flew into each other’s arms, but obviously that didn’t really happen but maybe I ran toward him, or maybe he ran toward me, and I had the biggest smile ever and then we kissed and I wanted to scream, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I AM GOING TO EXPLODE, but I didn’t say anything, I just sat down next to him at the table where he had already gotten me an iced tea, and took out my homework but as soon as I looked at it I knew it was so unimportant compared to Trevor and love and soul mates and being his GIRLFRIEND.
If I told my mom this, she would think she was right, but she was the opposite of right.
36
Trevor tries to watch a movie
Carolina and I kissed at Starbucks, but we didn’t really kiss. Not that that’s what I wanted to do. I did. But it wasn’t the only thing. I wanted to talk to her and be with her. And it was really hard being so close to her but not able to be even closer. We were like … LEGO pieces that couldn’t connect, but were meant to, and would soon, but just had to wait even though it was so obvious we should be put together. That’s a dumb metaphor. Sorry. I’m just trying to explain how much we wanted to be as close as we could be all the time.
At five, I walked her home even though it was two miles away. We didn’t mind. It meant more time to spend together, and it was nice to hold hands. When we got to her house, she invited me in. The house was dark; it didn’t have many windows and the curtains seemed to block the light even when they were open. All the furniture was older. Like it had been bought used. But it was clean, or at least vacuumed. Her dad had driven out to Northern Illinois University for his classes the next morning, but Carolina’s mom was on the couch watching television. Her hair was cut short, like a boy’s but wavy, and she was wearing pants that were too big for her and big brown glasses that might have been in style in the 1990s. She seemed really tired, like she hadn’t slept for weeks. Maybe years.
“Hi, Trevor,” she said, “I’m Mrs. Fisher.” She paused the TV and raised her hand without standing.
“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Fisher,” I said. Felt like a puppet. Wish I could say hello to adults with more originality.
“I’m going to show Trevor my room,” Carolina said.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” her mom said. Carolina ignored her, grabbed my hand, and pulled me down a short hall.
As we walked out of the living room, I whispered, “Your mom is going to hate me.”
“No, she won’t. She’s just in a bad mood because my dad is gone for two days.”
“Are you sure?”
“She doesn’t understand how important you are,” Carolina said.
“My dad doesn’t understand how important you are to me,” I said. We both squeezed our hands tighter as we entered her bedroom.
“This is my room,” she said, and she spun around in the center. It was small, about half the size of mine. It had pink carpet. On the wall were magazine pictures of girl and boy soccer players. Including David Beckham, who always made me feel ugly. Above her desk was a collage of photographs with Peggy and her that said BEST FRIENDS FOREVER. On the bed was a pink blanket and a rainbow of stuffed animals. There was one framed poster, of Stanford University, between her closet and the window.