Forever for a Year(51)

Kicked harder, toes clawed into the ground. Catching him. Catching him. Carolina. Pain. Catch him. Carolina. Go. Pain. Go. Carolina. Get him. Get her.

Got him.

Won.

Outkicked them all.

Fell hard. Couldn’t breathe. Coach Pasquini fell on his knees beside me, held up my head, and said, “You special son of a bitch,” then let my head drop back down into the dirt. He left as Lily fell in his place by my side. She was crying.

“Is he hurt? Are you hurt, Trevor?” Lily was screaming. Then I saw Carolina behind her, then down on the ground beside her. Beside me. Her knees were touching my legs. I could feel it everywhere. Carolina was grabbing my hand, squeezing it.

She said, “He’s not hurt, Lily. He’s just tired because he ran the most amazing race ever.”

“He won! Trevor, you won!” Lily started slapping my chest.

I said, “I had to, you were watching.”

Carolina squeezed my hand again.





39

Carolina panic Googles

When the Santoses dropped me back off at my house after the race, I went to my computer and typed into Google “How do I make sure my boyfriend loves me forever?” All the answers were terrible. Either about feeding him or making sure you were good in bed. The smartest answers basically said, “You can’t,” but that didn’t help me right now! My boyfriend was going to be a model and an Olympian and the most amazing person in history. I needed to make sure I kept him happy and loving me for the rest of eternity STARTING NOW!

“How was the race?” my dad said after knocking on my door.

“Trevor won. He beat everyone. He told me it was just the junior varsity race, but he’s only a freshman, and he was the best, and he’s going to be famous and I probably have to be famous to make sure he stays my boyfriend.”

My dad laughed.

“It’s not funny, Dad!” I called him Dad. Gosh. I must be super stressed.

He sat on my bed next to my desk. “Kiddo, that’s great that Trevor won. Hopefully he does become a great, famous runner. Which will be good because when you are a famous soccer player and doctor—”

“I don’t want to be a doctor anymore! I just want to be with him!”

“Carolina,” he said, grabbing my hand. “Healthy relationships require people to have passions outside of the relationship.”

“Can you just leave me alone?” I said because I didn’t want ANY advice about healthy relationships from him.

“Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine. I just love him so much.”

“Have you told him that?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“BECAUSE HE HASN’T SAID IT TO ME! You are making it so much worse!”

“Okay. I’m sorry. I love you, you know that?”

“You have to. You’re my dad. He doesn’t have to love me. And when a million other girls love him, why would he love just me?” Oh boy, I think I started crying. Why did I cry about everything?

“Carolina,” my dad said, laughing again. Laughing! My dad found my future broken heart funny! “I bet right now, Trevor is thinking, ‘Carolina looked so pretty at the race. That’s why I had to win. So she would love me. So she would think I was worthy of her love.’ I bet he’s thinking that.”

“He is not!”

“Call him.”

“I’ll text him.” So I did.





ME


I can’t stop thinking about how amazing you were today.

And then I waited. Forevvver. But my dad stayed and waited with me, so it must not have been that long. Then my phone beeped and it said:





TREVOR


I can’t stop thinking about how amazing you are EVERY day.

“Oh my God! Dad! See! See how he’s the greatest person in the world? See why I love him? See why I can’t ever lose him?”

“Was I right?”

“Yeah, I guess, SORT OF,” I said, because he wasn’t one hundred percent right. Maybe he was. But Trevor’s amazing text didn’t prove it totally. Just mostly.

“I was right. You know it. Which means your dad is the wisest person on the planet. Which means you have to trust me when I say: That boy is the luckiest boy in the world to have you and he knows it.”

“Oh, Dad…”

“I know, kiddo.”

“I love you,” I said, which I had not said for a looong time, even before I kicked him out. He smiled. I could tell it made him feel so good. It was nice to make him feel good after he did basically the best thing he had ever done for me. Ever.

*

My mom drove me over to Trevor’s at five. She asked, “Why don’t you two ever come to our house?”

“Because they have a basement where we can be by ourselves.”

“Your dad and I can go to the kitchen or our bedroom.”

“Mom, that’s, like, three feet from the living room. You would hear everything.”

“Carolina, you’re not having sex, are you?”

“Mom! No! We just talk!”

“You don’t just talk. I’m not an idiot.”

“We kiss! Okay. Gosh.”