Bereft (Seven Year Itch #2)(57)

I’d been nauseous ever since climbing in the car with him earlier. Now that I’d arrived at home, it hadn’t gotten any better.

It was hard thinking about Chad and then my mind going back to Grayson. I was more confused now than ever, and had it not been for my actions before leaving for the weekend with Grayson, maybe things would have gone differently. There was a chance we would have stayed the whole weekend, reconnecting and finding love again.

I’d destroyed that opportunity. I’d let my relationship with Chad ruin my chances of getting back my happy ever after with Grayson.

By seven p.m. I was starting to feel annoyed. I knew Chad said he would find something to do, but he always kept his phone on him. It made me suspicious, like he was out with another woman. If he was, I couldn’t get angry. I didn’t even have a right to be jealous. He’d made it abundantly clear we weren’t in a committed relationship. No matter how I felt about him, it was quite obvious his perception of our friendship wasn’t the same.

I’d made choices I wasn’t proud of, and now I wondered if I was even where I wanted to be; sitting all alone in an apartment, instead of in my home with my family.

Feeling sorry for myself was something I’d come to be used to. It seemed like whenever I was sad about something, it was self inflicted. I’d chose to seduce Chad in the parking garage stairwell, knowing I was about to be in the vehicle with Grayson. What kind of idiot would do something so reckless?

This kind.

They say you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. My marriage was over. I’d claimed I’d wanted it for a month, but now that it was final, I was beginning to think I’d been wrong.

By ten p.m. I was losing my grip on reality. I hadn’t received a single call from Chad, and my mind wouldn’t turn off. I’d showered, and cried. Tried to eat, thrown up, and then cried. Then I cried some more. I even attempted to do a little work, and ended up in tears. Slowly I was losing my ability to hold on to anything.

A knock on my door sent me flying toward it. I swung it open, seeing Chad standing on the other side. My arms wrapped around him, like a child lost from their parents. “I had the worst day ever.”

He stepped inside and closed the door behind us. “I thought you agreed to stay the whole weekend?”

“I couldn’t. He knows about us. He knew we were together yesterday. It’s a terrible mess, but it’s over. He doesn’t want me anymore.” Saying it out loud caused me to break down again. Chad distanced himself from my body to be able to look at me.

“What do you mean? He doesn’t want you? What happened?”

We sat down close to each other and I began to explain everything that happened, and what we’d discussed. I could tell by the look on his face that he wasn’t thrilled his name was brought into it. “I thought you promised to keep an open mind.”

“I did. We even connected. We had a moment, and it felt like we were back to our old life, but I had to stop him. He wanted something I wasn’t willing to give him.”

Right away Chad knew why. “Because you’d been with me earlier, right? That’s it. You couldn’t live with yourself if you slept with both of us in the same day.”

I nodded. “I didn’t tell him. He guessed it. After that his mind was made up. We’re through, and a part of me feels like it’s dead.”

“Don’t cry, Rach. You’ll get through this.” He cupped my cheeks and forced me to look at him. “You’re strong and independent. I know it feels like it’s the end of your life, but you’re wrong. Maybe it’s the beginning of something new instead.”

“With you?” I asked.

“It’s not the time to discuss this. You’ve been through a lot. How about you try to relax and get some sleep? I’m sure you’ll feel a little better in the morning.”

“Will you at least stay with me?”

Chad ran his hand through my hair. “Of course. Come on. Let’s get you settled.”

I don’t know why, but I felt like as soon as I closed my eyes he was going to leave. I fought it, unwilling to give up and wake to find him gone.

I’m not real sure how long he’d been there, or what time it was, but I turned to see him looking at his phone. He was typing pretty fast. I new it had to be an email, rather than a text from the amount he was writing. “Is everything okay at the office?”

“Yeah. I’m just making plans for a business trip I’m taking next week.”

I sat up. “You didn’t tell me you were going anywhere.” I corrected my statement. “I mean, you never mentioned it before.”

“You’ve been busy. It’s only for a few days. I’m going to California to meet with some potential companies we may sub-contract to. We’ll need to rent equipment until our revenue is good enough to make purchases from. I’ve got a list of people to meet with, and figured it was better to do it in person.”

“Chad, where were you today? I called you a lot of times. I left messages.”

“I made plans, Rach. Why are you being so weird?”

“Do you love me?”

From the way his face reacted I think I already got my answer. He remained quiet for a moment, probably thinking about how to let me down easily. When he responded I was in shock.