Bereft (Seven Year Itch #2)(61)
It took me a while to get over the past, but once I did, there was no looking back.
Epilogue
I was sitting up in bed nervous about a meeting I’d have to attend with Chad. It had been close to a year since we were in the same room, and longer for when we called off our relationship. Sure, I’d had several video chats during monthly meetings, but other people were included. This however, would be completely different. At some point we’d be alone. I wasn’t a fool. I knew I’d feel something, even though Grayson and I had been happily back together for months. I was content and satisfied. This wasn’t the problem for me. The biggest hurdle was knowing Chad left with unresolved feelings. I suppose when we ended things so abruptly, I threw myself into my job and new lifestyle. I mourned the loss of him, and now he’d be close enough to touch.
I always told Grayson I’d never cheat; that if the roles were reversed I wouldn’t have acted on impulse. Now, with the time spent trying to forget, I was afraid I couldn’t control myself.
What if he wanted to hug me? Would I be able to let go?
We still chatted every once in a while, whether it be on the phone or email. He’d always be friendly, but never really mentioning what we shared together. Even though I was where I knew I belonged, I missed him. I missed his spunky sense of humor, and how he knew when I needed extra attention to get me out of a sour mood.
Grayson stirred and lifted his head, noticing me sitting up next to him. “Hey, babe. You doing alright?”
My worries weren’t a secret. I’d discussed my feelings with Grayson, because in all honesty, if I did something irrational, I needed him to be prepared. “Maybe I shouldn’t go to the office tomorrow. I’m sure they can video me in.”
He rubbed his face and leaned on my leg. “Rachel, you’re going to be fine. It’s natural to feel nervous.”
I faced him, determined to make a serious point. “Grayson, I’m scared. You know he was there for me when things were terrible between us. I’m grateful for his friendship.”
“You’re worried you might do something aren’t you?”
I felt a knot in the pit of my stomach just bringing it up. Grayson had recovered from his heart attack, but not a day had gone by where I wasn’t worried about his health. I knew I couldn’t live without him, not comfortably. Since getting back together our relationship was stronger than ever. That’s why I couldn’t understand why one visit was making me question my sanity. “I know I don’t love him, Grayson. You have to believe me. It wasn’t anything like we have.”
“I get it. It still hurts, but I get it. So, do you feel like you want to be with him?”
I knew his question was torture, albeit wasn’t as hard as my answer would be. “I’m afraid I won’t be in control of my own actions. Does that even make sense?”
“Yeah. I’ve got to be honest though, it doesn’t make me feel comfortable either. Rachel, I know you. You’re a good person, and sometimes because of that, you make decisions to appease others. This time you need to rethink the way you handle tough scenarios. If you have unresolved feelings there’s nothing I can do. It hurts, but it’s just another hurdle we’ll cross together, as a couple. We can get through anything as long as we’re open, remember what the therapist said?”
He was right. Our marriage counselor had explained this was necessary. No matter how hard the topic, it needed to be addressed.
I kissed the top of my husband’s head. “I need to do this. I need to face him and let go of whatever unresolved feelings I have. Just know, I’ll come home to you Grayson. I always will. I know you’re worried, but please don’t fret. Don’t think the worst while I’m gone. It’s one meeting. It’s not like I’m going out of town. I’m be home for dinner, and I’ll tell you all about how awkward the day was.”
“I trust you, babe. I’m worried, but I know you’ll make the right decision.”
I cuddled my body up against his, feeling the need to provide comfort to his precious heart. “I love you.”
“And I love you. It’s always been you, Rachel.”
It made me smile. I leaned up and kissed his lips. One chaste expression turned into a longer embrace. Before I knew what was happening he’d adjusted us to where I was on top of him in bed. Our tongues mingled together, while my nightgown was being lifted over my head. Grayson move his ass to let me know he wasn’t ready to go back to bed, not yet at least. I ran my hands up his bare chest, stopping when one of my palms was over his heart. I could feel it beating, reminding me how close I’d come to losing him before.
I leaned down and kissed him again, scooting off my husband so he was able to remove his boxer shorts. He shoved them down, rolling on top of me immediately. His hands began caressing my sensitive skin, while he kissed his way around my neck and then down to one of my breasts. His tongue traced a nipple in a circular pattern, his hand coming up and pinching the other. My body arched as his lips found mine again.
My legs came up and wrapped around his bare ass. He began setting a course for motion overtop of me, teasing me with his rock hard shaft. My legs were spread, ready to accept all of him like I’d done so many times before. It had taken us a while to be able to be intimate again, but once it happened I remembered he belonged to me. Nothing a little tramp could have done would change the fact that I’d always held his heart. I wasn’t going to let six months ruin a lifetime of love we would share together.