Undone(32)

‘Hey. It’s going . . . fine, I guess.’ I put down my apple, knowing better than to try to eat and talk at the same time. I looked over at her usual table, but none of them were looking this way. They all seemed absorbed in watching Stu do something disgusting with his food.

‘Good, good. You don’t mind me sitting here, do you? It’s just Stu kind of puts me off my lunch sometimes.’

I shrugged. ‘I don’t mind. I was just finishing up anyway.’

‘Oh? Stay a while, will you? Keep me company so I’m not sitting here like Billy-no-mates.’ She grimaced and looked truly ugly, if only for a fraction of a second. ‘Sorry! I wasn’t implying that you don’t have any friends . . . you know that, don’t you? You’ve got that whole mysterious who-needs-friends-anyway vibe going on, whereas I’ve got that desperate needs-to-be-around-people-all-the-time thing happening. I know which I’d prefer.’

This was bizarre. She seemed really worried that she’d offended me. Surely people like her were put on earth to offend people like me. I didn’t know what to say so I shrugged.

She laughed. ‘You’re just too cool for school, aren’t you?’

I shrugged again, but this time I couldn’t help but laugh. ‘Yeah, too cool for school, that’s me.’

The ice was broken, and while I didn’t exactly feel at ease, my guard came down a little and I was able to talk to her without thinking I sounded like a complete moron. We didn’t talk about anything in particular. Sasha’s conversational technique was to flit from subject to subject like a butterfly. Sometimes the changes of direction were so random it was hard for my brain to keep track. We talked about teachers we had in common (a safe topic), the food in the cafeteria (still safe), Stu (not so safe) and even (now this is the really weird one) the fact that she was thinking about breaking up with Lucas. I had no idea why she would want to talk to me about something so personal, but I was going to run with it. Sasha confiding in me was exactly what I wanted, but that didn’t stop it from freaking me out.

‘Why would you break up with Lucas?’ The incredulity in my voice was obvious.

Sasha leaned forward in her chair and I did the same. ‘It’s not that I don’t like him. I mean, of course I like him.’ Like him? I thought they were Romeo and bloody Juliet or something. ‘It’s just . . . I don’t exactly enjoy only being known as Lucas Mahoney’s girlfriend, you know? I swear that’s all people know about me. I’m sick of it.’

‘But . . . he’s Lucas Mahoney. Most girls would kill to be his girlfriend.’

A sly smile from Sasha. ‘You included?’

‘No! I . . . no.’

The sly smile spread into a full-on grin. ‘Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, Jem! You’re right though – I’ve seen the way the girls here look at me. They hate me.’

‘They don’t . . .’

‘Yeah, they do. And don’t think I never noticed the evil glares you’ve been giving me for the past year or so.’

How could she . . . ? I’d never even seen her look my way – not once. People like Sasha Evans did not notice people like me. They just didn’t. I felt embarrassed. Exposed.

‘It’s OK, Jem. Really. So anyway, I thought I might try not being Lucas Mahoney’s girlfriend for a while. See if that makes a difference. I want to stay friends with him . . . I really do. It’s not like I think he’s going to be devastated or anything. Lately it’s been feeling more like friends with benefits than anything else, so maybe we can just move on to being friends without benefits?’

There was a question mark there and Sasha seemed to want something from me. The thing she wanted – the thing we all want, really – was validation. ‘Yeah, maybe.’

Sasha nodded slightly, then followed it up with a more convincing nod. It looked as if she’d made up her mind.

‘You’re really good to talk to, you know that?’

I didn’t laugh, even though I really wanted to. If I was Sasha’s definition of someone who was good to talk to, then God help her. I would have almost felt sorry for her if she didn’t happen to be one of the founding members of Team Popular.

That was the day the Plan crystallized; for the first time I thought there was a chance I could really do it. I knew it wouldn’t happen overnight, and it wouldn’t be easy (or fun), but it seemed possible at least.

I guess the Plan had been floating around in my brain, just out of reach, since that incident in the loos. But this was the day I managed to grab hold of it with both hands. The Plan started with befriending Sasha. Do whatever it took to make her like me. Do whatever it took to make me think I was like her. Somehow become a part of Team Popular – even a very peripheral part. I just had to get closer to them. To Lucas and Bugs and Stu. Then I’d find a way to take them down for what they did to Kai. By the time I was finished with them, they’d know exactly how it felt to be humiliated.

It was easy enough to ignore the little voice telling me this was precisely what Kai didn’t want me to do. I just had to remember that Kai was (very occasionally) wrong about things and this happened to be one of those times.

Admittedly there were a few things I hadn’t exactly thought through. Like the fact that just because Sasha seemed to not hate me, it didn’t mean the others would feel the same way. And the fact that these people made me really, really nervous, and how was I ever going to pretend to be one of them? And the Stu problem. And I had no idea what I was actually going to do to them. Yeah, there were a fair few details that had to be ironed out.